


The Thawing

by Magalona



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angrboda is an intersexed dude in this fic, Arranged Marriage, Awesome Frigga, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Intersex Jotunn (Marvel), Intersex Loki, Jötunn and Aesir cultures conflict, M/M, Not exactly rape but serious consent problems..., Thor is seriously naive and arrogant at first..., broken hearts..., but he learns eventually..., following kidnapping and taking hostages, he seriously needs to know one thing or two about real flirting..., political issues, which are mended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 18:43:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 66,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6578086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magalona/pseuds/Magalona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yep, another Arranged-mariage fic, ladies and gentlemen ! My first fic in this kind of subject so be nice to me... It is not beta'd so thanks if you notice mistakes.<br/>Prince Loki of Jötunheim lives a rosy-colored love-affair with his fellow runt Angrbodr and, lo and behold, here comes dashing prince Thor of Asgard to ruin it all... Enjoy !</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When King Laufey and his Royal Consort Farbauti received the first signs of a pregnancy, it was greatly rejoiced, as anyone could imagine. The Norns were sending them the blessing of an heir after a long time of a fruitless, although happy, marriage. 

So when the offspring presented itself, it was a disaster and a huge disappointment. 

The child was a runt, too small for a Frost Giant and with black hair. No one heard of a Jötunn less than four meters high and dark glossy hair on their head !  
Laufey could not say which was worse.  
So they quickly named the spawn Loki, gave him to a wet nurse and put him away in the farthest wing of the palace. Indeed, with a proper retinue and servants, so no one would accuse them of abandoning their newborn heir. Nonetheless, if Loki was well provided for, there was not much love and warmth from his real family.  
Luckily, he had good, affectionate nannies and clever teachers his whole childhood. This prevented him from being either a spoiled brat or a bitter and angry individual. Loki proved to be more affectionate than any Jötnar prince-ling and, indeed, cleverer. He might have been the smallest prince ever in Jötunheim but he appeared, by and by, to be undoubtedly the most brilliant. Too bad that the proud reports his caretakers gave to his parents did not soften their disposition towards their incomplete child. Yet, all took care that Loki never felt that resentment. So, he grew unaware of his parents' plans for the future... Which was a big mistake on their part. 

Things went better between Loki and his family only with the birth of two other princes in a row. Helblindi and Býleistr. Proper frost giants this time, tall and hairless. Those, indeed, were paraded in the whole country to assert Laufey's authority.  
Loki was still Crown Prince, according to Jotünn laws, but there was no doubt his father and his dam would do anything to put one of their more suitable pups on the throne. And no one would have protested in favor of the legitimate, but inappropriate, heir. They wouldn't go to murder, of course, Jötnar had their own code of honor after all. But, still, anything...  
Sadly, Loki guessed it, ultimately. He took it with dignity, avoided useless whining and tried harder to please his parents. He wasted no time. He worked on his biggest asset, his sorcerer's skills. He was becoming the most powerful of all and most of his tutors had nothing left to teach him. He also had undoubted capacities as a warrior and fighter but there were less obvious. In short, he became a little too good to Jötunn's tastes.  
So much effort backfired on Loki. Instead of gaining his parents' trust, he made himself so unusual and peculiar that they really started to be wary of him. So, not only it didn't change much their opinion of him but it made them even more determined to get rid of him. They loved him, but they were royals and leaders before being parents.  
Furthermore, at this time, Odin All-Father, better known in Jötunheim as “the Scourge”, was at war with the Frost Giants, again. For the duration apparently. The threat made Laufey and Farbauti stick to their priorities. Jötunheim, first. Family bonds, second. 

A tiny puppet of a king would be no match against the Aesir Plague... No matter how gifted he was...

Loki was not aware of this, not at first. Everybody was playing the admiring part, on Laufey's orders. In his youth and inexperience, Loki bought it. He was too happy to be part of his family again. He had made a close connection to his brothers. Helblindi was a little bit too spoiled and sometimes even mean to his eldest brother. Yet, Loki was fond of him because his birth had permitted him to feel less cast-off. Loki was closer to Býleistr who was also clever and skillful. He was also less of a prick because he knew that as long as Helblindi was alive, his chances to the throne were even scarcer than Loki's. But no one would have make him say that out loud. He knew better.  
Like this, Laufey and Farbauti had control over all of their various offsprings. In time, they would find a way to make Loki cooperate and abdicate in favor of Helblindi in a peaceful and nonviolent way. 

Unfortunately, as Loki had come of age, Jotünheim went to war with Asgard. Yet again.  
In fact, Asgard took the excuse of an unreported Jötnar expedition in Vanaheim to attack Jotünheim. Nothing unusual.  
Yet any plan for the future was set aside. 

 

***

Of course, none of this would have happened if Laufey didn't have to leave court for a considerable amount of time.  
The Frost King was on the front and had left the matters of the palace and frost capital to his royal consort, Farbauti. Odin the Scourge was attacking the west and things could go ugly if Laufey didn't come to settle the matter in person. According to Laufey, there were good chances that, this time, the crazy one-eyed Scourge could be reasoned. Yet, he never told Farbauti the reason why he was so sure of that. Farbauti always trusted Laufey's political instinct. 

So, as Laufey was away, the court's protocol loosened a bit and Loki could focus on more royal duties alongside not only his brothers and dam but also new young faces from various stations. That's how he met Angrbodr. 

Unfortunately.

Angrbodr was the youngest son of the Palace's Grand Stewart and a highly possible candidate to his father's succession. An envied position. As such, he was entitled to participate in the daily life at court for training. That's how he came close the royal family and in particular Loki. What might have made them get closer could be the fact that Angrbodr was also a runt.  
Actually, he could hide it. He was indeed taller and larger than Loki and he had less hair, but he still counted as one. Runts were rather scarce (thanks the Norns, according to Laufey) but they had to work harder than any other Frost Giant to make their way into this particular society based on the praising of sole strength. So, he was educated, maybe not as much as Loki, but still more than the average jötnar. 

Naturally he caught Loki's eyes and they both made acquaintances. 

In spite of the troubles the country was enduring, Loki was finally starting to be happy. Angrbodr was the funniest, most entertaining companion he ever had. Not that he had had much anyway... He was spending more time with Angrbodr and less with his brothers. Loki thought they wouldn't mind but, eventually they did. Býleistr and particularly Helblindi, being a bit too much pampered by Farbauti and their entourage, didn't like not to be the center of their eldest brother's life anymore. Farbauti did complain that Loki was too much involved with someone that was their inferior in the Jötun hierarchy, not to mention a runt as well.

“Am I not a runt, Dam ?” Loki simply replied. 

Farbauti clenched his teeth and didn't answer. He needed his eldest's trust if he ever wanted to get him pliable. If Loki wanted his Angrbodr toy, then be it. 

Days passed and though the situation on the battlefront was stationary and stressful, it was a fine life at court. Loki was strolling in the winter gardens with Angrbodr. It has snowed the previous night so the whole sight was freshly white. Only their footsteps could be seen on it, all the rest, the waterless fountain, the dried trees covered in shiny blades of ice, the flower-deprived borders, was colorless and smooth. Even the silence was eerie.  
Loki was happily jumping left and right trying to make figures with his footsteps, as if he was still a child. It made Angrbodr smile. 

“Say, do you ever think of the future, Loki ? 

Loki stopped and smiled at his friend. 

\- What is there to think about ? At best, Father will win this war, he will recognize my worth as a king and abdicate in my favor. I'll be a great sovereign and you'll be my head Stewart !

Angrbodr smiled back, more sadly. 

\- And at worst ?

Loki resumed his artistic little jolts and avoided Angrbodr's face. 

\- Father will loose the war. We'll be under Asgard's control and me, or one of my brothers, will be Odin's puppet on the throne so he can control Jötunheim once and for all.

Angrbodr reached out to loki and touched his shoulder, making him stop. His friend never tried to do something so personal. There still was the social barriers between them. For unknown reasons, it made Loki's heart beat faster.

\- I am not talking about Jötunheim or your family ! I am talking about us !”

Loki couldn't believe his ears. He forced himself to remain still. Was this perhaps... a confession ? In fact, he dreamed about something like that. At his age, he started to feel the pressure of his hormones. Even his brothers, as young and clumsy as they were, had already had sweethearts amongst young Jötnar aristocrats. Of course, they were too young to go further than the usual amount of love letters, clandestine meetings in the winter gardens and occasional kisses. But still, they had something. Due to his physical difference, Loki was no love interest to the average Frost Giant. Loki longed for something deeper and more significant. Maybe not the rosy-colored true love that Jötunn poets of old glorified, but at least something close to it... 

Yes, in spite of their renown ruthlessness and thirst for battle in front of other species, they were adepts of courteous love inside their own territory. Poetry and gracious lovemaking were fashionable before the wars with Asgard began, when life was easier... Still, Frost Giants had a liking to fine language and proper ritualized wooing even more than Aesirs did. Said Aesirs would laugh to your face if you declare something so absurd as gigantic ice monsters doing courtship to each other. 

Yet, if Loki was sensible to sentiments, he was not a fool.  
True enough he had thought a lot about Angrbodr recently. Since he had met him, Angrbodr had started to take an important place in his life. Loki even had weird dreams, embarrassing warm dreams about his best friend. He didn't know what to do about it and here came said best friend with ambiguous words. 

“ Loki... I... We don't know what is going to happen... But let's say we win this war... Will you consider … ? 

Loki felt himself blush, not red, as Aesir did, but indigo. 

\- You mean... Us, together ? Good and proper ? 

Angrbodr smiled and grabbed Loki's hands in his. Loki thought it was the cliché gesture of the lover to his beloved, but despite its naiveté, he find it endearing and exciting. Still, Loki wondered.

\- But what if we loose ? Could we be still together ?

Angrbodr just smiled again and kissed Loki's hands. 

\- You'll always find a way....

Like this, Loki considered himself engaged to Angrbodr, a runt like him, though inferior in rank.  
To avoid troubles, he decided it was better to keep it a secret from now.  
Loki kept this memory alive for a very long time. To him, the romantic declaration was so deeply settled in his mind along with the enchanting white scenery that it became something unique no over event could equal. 

A memory that would get him stuck in the past and would be cause of great sorrow. 

***

The following days were in a rosy daze for Loki. He had a lover like the romantic tales of old his brothers and him used to laugh about (while secretly wishing for it.) All he had on his mind was Angrbodr. No one noticed about Loki's distracted attitude because news of the front were the only matter. Laufey couldn't track down the Scourge and the ennemy's moves were unreadable. Farbauti started to fear an attack on the Jötunn's capital. That was why he decided to move his sons to a more secure position.  
Which proved to be a terrible mistake. 

Loki was not separated from Angrbodr, luckily. They had transferred the whole young court to this fortress so it was pleasant, nonetheless. It was an isolated, secret place.  
Or so the Frost King thought. 

It started as an ordinary day. After lunch, Loki and Angrbodr had managed to escape their duties and avoid the guards. They were strolling idly in the very scarce garden enclosed in the inner walls. Not much of flowers or snow, it was almost bare but the two lovebirds didn't mind and enjoyed their mutual loneliness.  
Loki was blabbering happily about what they were going to do after the war. Angrbodr was following him, smiling indulgently. Their last moments of peace.  
Then hel broke loose. 

Arrows of fire were shot all around the place, they hit the dried-up trees and produced an instant fire. They were screams and rushing of warriors all over the walls. Angrbodr screamed to Loki to take cover at once. Loki tried to follow him running but as it was chaos everywhere with soldiers, servants and court members dashing all around in complete confusion, he lost track of his lover and ended up in the kitchens. He never knew how. 

Loki guessed this was very bad. Odin had made a surprise attack on an insufficiently defended and isolated fortress. He had set his parents up. And know the three potential heirs and the Royal Consort were under attack. The troops were sufficient to hold on for a while, even maybe a siege, but how long could it be before Laufey be made aware and send help ?  
Loki could not ponder those problematic issues much while running through the halls in search of his brothers, dam and lover. It was dark and then blinding bright. They were throwing sulfur bombs now and it was exploding all around. Loki found the way to the fortification and ended in the open air, among soldiers running around to protect the ramparts. There were lines of fire in the sky from the burning arrows. Loki, still running wild, had a glimpse of countless Einherjars, Odin's special troops, a whole army approaching the walls, all in glimmering armors, aggressive horns, and loud yelling. It was deafening and Loki had to breathe to keep his growing panic under control.  
He made it to his dam's personal quarters, hoping there would be all here. But the place was empty, only the scattered remains of an upside down lunch table was the proof that Farbauti and his brothers had left in a hurry and Loki had no idea where. 

There was ruckus everywhere, chaos of crashing and battling metal all around him though he couldn't see it behind the tapestried walls. Loki could also feel his beating heart and the feel of bile in his mouth. He had to remember to breathe and THINK. But all he had on his mind was Angrbodr and where would he be and where to go and why has he ran away without Loki ? 

Then Loki heard a crashing of glass behind him and a terrible thump. Some Einherjar had managed to enter the private quarters by the window. Loki turned around and regretted he had not carried his daggers. Now he had to use magic to protect himself and if this Einherjar survived, he would tell Odin all about the Crown Prince being a mighty sorcerer and his father would lose one of his major trump card.  
The Einherjar had to die before he made one move against Loki.  
Loki carefully turned around. 

It wasn't an Einherjar.  
Loki knew who he was, even if he had never seen him in the flesh before. He fitted the romanced description from traumatized Frost veterans and battle survivors.  
He was crouching on the ground and slowly rising up. Confident that there was no hurry now that he was in the place.  
He was huge, bigger than Loki and a little taller. He was surrounded by tiny lightnings, his bright red cape was sparkling from its force. He had a silver blue armor that sported luminous decorations on his chest. He had wavering blond hair up to his shoulders. His blue eyes looked like pieces of summer sky and they were glittering with ravenous greed and violence. It was a striking contrast with his handsome, regular features. In his right arm, the dreaded hammer born from the stars, Mjölnir. 

Loki knew that as much as he could try, there was no way he could kill this one. 

Thor Odinson, Crown prince of Asgard finally looked at Loki in the eyes, sky-blue against blood-red. His grin went wider and gluttony. Loki felt a terrible cold wash over him. This grin meant doom.  
Before Loki could do anything, Thor was on him and grabbed his arm. Loki stayed still. He wasn't to make a move before knowing Thor's intentions. He had difficulties keeping contact with those piercing blue eyes. They looked as if they wanted to devour him. Loki feared that the Prince's desire was not to have Loki's head but something more … intimate. 

“Prince Loki Laufeyson of Jötunheim, you are my conquest.”

And on those words he pulled Loki to his chest and kissed him full on the mouth.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, second chapter with intelligent characters... and less intelligent ones.

The fortress had fell to the enemy...  
Farbauti, his sons, and most of the young court had been assembled in the main hall. At least they were all safe and sound. The same couldn't be said about many Frost Warriors that had fallen that wretched day. Farbauti could have smashed and crashed everything out of rage.  
First of all himself.  
They have been all fooled by the Scourge and his damn bastard of a son. While Laufey was occupied in the west, they had planned on taking hostages, and royal ones no less...  
And now, they were on their knees and chained, surrounded by Asgardian sons of Asgardian sows. A disgrace... He was so fuming he hadn't noticed Loki was still not here, not until he was dragged in the room, held by the arm by Thor, the Scourge's evil spawn itself. That was how Farbauti knew it was all lost. If Thor had subdued Loki, there was no way they could make their way out of here. This was time for what Frost Giants hated the most, negotiations and compromises.   
If, and it was a big if, the Scourge was amenable. 

While nurturing those dark thoughts, Farbauti caught the glimpse of want in the Scourge's Offspring's eyes. That glimpse came each time the Asgardian Bastard set his eyes on Loki. Otherwise, Prince Thor was looking oddly rather indifferent to the scenery of his triumph. To remain discreet about his accomplishments was not his normal habit.  
He equally noticed that Thor was not throwing Loki with the rest of the prisoners but kept him close to him. Loki had an uptight and dignified attitude but his eyes, flashing with anger and confusion, and his flushed face indicated to his dam that something had happened with them both. Something that was not the usual kind of fight between hereditary enemies.  
Well, what did you know? Whatever motives Odin might have, Loki was indeed Thor's goal. Farbauti stocked this piece of information to himself, for further use. 

At last the damned Scourge deigned to grace his hosts with his appearance. In all his regalia, horned helmet, golden armor, patched blind eye and Gungnir, the cursed spear which had pierced many valiant Frost Warriors. Farbauti was burning with the need to rise and tear his throat with his bare teeth. He could, but he knew that would mean death for his sons and faithful servants. And he would be replaced by the blond boar next to him, anyway. So, now was not the time for revenge. 

***

Loki had been frozen in horror after Thor had permitted himself to plunge his disgusting tongue into his mouth and exploring it, as if he owned it. That must be how being raped felt, Loki had thought before his mind went blank. He would have gladly beat the pig into the ground but it was over in a flash before Loki knew it.  
Then Thor had simply smiled and wordlessly led Loki into the main hall. The Jötunn prince felt relief seeing his family safe, although restrained. A burst of joy came to Loki seeing Angrbodr, unharmed, next to Helblindi. But it briefly passed. 

Angrbodr avoided eye-contact with Loki. 

Loki didn't understand the attitude. Maybe Angrbodr didn't want to betray anything in front of the enemy. Surely, it had to be.  
But he couldn't go and talk to his lover anyway. The insufferable spawn of Asgard was holding him firmly. Loki was cursing the Norns in desperation. He couldn't see any way out right now. Loki had to wait and see, period. Too many adversaries and too little means. And no way in Hel, Loki would use magic. If Odin was aware of what Loki was capable of, he would have him killed right away and his family would be left without protection.  
Odin stepped in the middle of the room. He acted as he was now the new master of the land, Loki thought, considering how he took his sweet time evaluating the place and its unwilling occupants. 

“King Farbauti, noble princes and assembly.” Odin began, solemnly. “You are now under the protection of Asgard. Fear not for your lives. You'll be escorted to safety in our palace until our disagreement with King Laufey is settled. I promise no harm will come to you if you accept our humble invitation.”  
Now, talk about doublespeak... Loki thought.  
At least, they wouldn't be killed right now. The Scourge was going to keep them alive as hostages until Laufey accepted to make a deal. Loki tried to process things at speed-light. For now, there was no opportunity to escape. Yet, soon Odin would have to move all this little party to Asgard, the Norns knew how. Meaning, not only the Asgardian troops and the royal Jötnar family but also all the Jötunn court and the servants, maybe even the Frost Warriors so no one would warn Laufey too soon and Odin could keep the advantage of surprise. So, a very, very big group. Maybe too much for the Scourge's soldiers. 

And such a big crowd would be difficult to contain. 

There would be many hostages trying a desperate escape left dead in the path. 

And if one of them tried a silly move, Loki could not be sure the Scourge would not kill one Jötunn royal, just to discipline the perpetrators and consequences for negotiations be damned. The Scourge was that impulsive and hard-nosed. 

Loki was thinking fast-forward for a solution when three conspicuous Asgardians, covered in the sapphire blood of fallen Jötnars, barged in the halls with shouts of victory.  
“Thor ! Look what we found !” bellowed a rather fat, red-haired one with an unkempt beard. And a blue glimmer invaded the room.  
Loki felt a chill of horror, worse than any he had experienced during this accursed day. 

They had discovered the Casket of Ancient Winters.

They had the most treasured magical artifact Jötunheim possessed. Loki knew it almost by heart for being the one who had studied it the most and had almost deciphered all its mysteries. He loved it as if it was his own only. Its soothing blue glow seemed to wither under those crude, blasphemous hands. Without it, chances to win a war were drastically reduced. Furthermore, why was it in the fortress ?! Why wasn't it in Laufey's possession, as it should be ?! How could Farbauti and Laufey be stupid enough to dispose so carelessly of such a precious weapon ?! What in the name of Hel were they thinking ?!

“Indeed...” admired Odin. “It is a beautiful object...  
They had it hidden in the deepest vault of the fortress. We almost missed it. Said the blond warrior with the silly face hair. It must be important to have taken such precautions to keep it away.  
\- Do you know something about it, Prince Loki ?  
Loki jumped, that was Thor talking to him. He already hated this boasting voice with all the fibers of his being. Loki thought even faster than he ever did. It was daring, but it would leave a door open for Laufey to retaliate. It would save the rest of the hostages while protecting the Casket. Apparently those oafs had no idea what it was... And once Loki would be settled WITH the Casket INSIDE Asgard…

Well, Asgard no more... 

\- It is mine. Loki said, with a calm and distinct voice, I use it for experiments.  
The blond boar grinned, showing a display of ridiculously white teeth.  
\- Your voice is enticing, little Prince... Purred the smiling dimwit. Tell me, Sweet Tongue, what kind of experiments ?  
\- Magic tricks. Loki smiled back. I do it a little. It can be useful.  
Especially when I'll turn you into a silver nail to match your stupid hammer toy, Loki thought, still keeping a neutral expression on his face.  
\- Then, Frost Prince, how about showing your talents in Asgard with your blue box thing, eh ?  
Loki breathed internally. He was playing the fool like an instrument.  
\- Hold a moment, son. Cut the Scourge. We have no time in idle chat. We need to prepare our return trip...  
Loki grabbed it as an opportunity to talk.

\- All-Mighty Odin, may I suggest something for the greater good ?  
Loki didn't like how unctuous his voice sounded. Like some common courtesan... But right now was the moment for being the Trickster and lick the fingers of Jötunheim's worst enemy like a good puppy if necessary...  
\- You know that I am Loki Laufeyson of Jötunheim, Crown Prince of this realm. You also know that the catch you made today is the most clever one and we are defeated. But, it is a victory that could cost you more than it is worth…  
Odin looked offended. The rest of the assembly held their breath. To the Scourge, princes were not spokespersons, just pups, not yet weaned, who had to shut up when grown-ups are talking. Too bad for him…  
\- Bringing so much prisoners back to Asgard will be a tremendous ordeal and, if I may say so, there is little chance you have enough soldiers to keep everyone still. Anything could happen, on both sides… You know I am telling the truth.  
The Scourge scoffed. He didn't want to lose face in front of a mere runt (although royal…), of course. And yet, Loki knew he was being attentive. He was renown for being shrewd and never leave anything to chance.  
\- Continue...  
Loki breathed a bit. He was walking a very thin line. Now or never.  
\- Instead of taking too much people to care about, take only one, Little me, the Crown Prince. A whole crowd is easy to find and sometimes easier to set free, but one man ? And one who willingly accepts his confinement for the good of his people ?  
Odin didn't move one face muscle. But Loki knew he had won even before the Scourge opened his mouth.  
\- Think of that, I am Laufey's main heir. Many things depend whether I live or die in Jötunheim. And you'll be spared the trivia of having all these people under check.  
There was a moment of silence only to be broken by the blond oaf, again.  
\- Father, I agree. Prince Loki is a prize beyond any riches. I want to be his personal keeper.  
Loki felt a chill. He hadn't foreseen that the boar would think of him as his possession. The Scourge would have more pressing matters than Loki to deal with. But the oaf ? If Loki was at his mercy, many things could happen.

And Loki knew he would like none of them.

He threw a last glance at his dam. Farbauti made a very discreet smile. Loki wasn't sure of its meaning but he take it as an encouragement. He smiled back to his dam, hoping that single gesture could convey all the hopes he had for the future and the assurance that everything would be well. He felt like Farbauti understood and wished him luck as well as blessed him. He tried the same with Angrbodr but his lover was still lowering his head and staring at the ground. 

This simply broke Loki's heart.  
He mentally tried to implore Angrbodr into at least raising his head to share a last look with Loki.  
But he didn't. 

Things went pretty fast after this. Loki had barely time to make his last goodbyes with his family. Helblindi made a tantrum and Býleistr cried. Farbauti ordered them to behave as princes and hug his eldest child as he told him his last recommendations.  
Loki didn't see Angrbodr, already gone with the rest of the court. As he wasn't a family member, Loki couldn't go to him nor he to Loki. Loki didn't even know how to send a message to his lover, their relationship being still a secret.  
Loki promised himself once in Asgard he would tame one of Odin's crows to make him a messenger. That was a pretty easy trick. And then, Angrbodr and him would be fine again...

***

And so Loki went away. He was allowed to pack his own belongings and ride his own horse, knowing that the latter would be kept away from him, once arrived in Asgard. Contrary to what he had hoped, the Casket was not returned to him. Odin had found it quite to his tastes and brought it to his personal chariot with the rest of his loot. Loki could not believe this revered relic was treated like a vulgar vase. Loki could not believe either that the Scourge was stupid enough to trust the rubbish Loki said about the Casket being a harmless magical device. Loki had to play this one fine and smooth if he wanted to appear harmless and get on with his own agenda. 

Loki was riding next to Thor who was definitely tremendously irritating with this habit of his to smile like a maniac and pester Loki into making small talk although all Loki wanted was peace and quiet. Apparently, Thor might be skilled as a warrior but it was to compensate his lack of brain.  
Loki was in no mood to make idle chitchat for a dimwit like Thor. He had to fight back the urge to cry, to look back at the fading fortress still holding everything that was his, everything he loved, Angrbodr and his family.  
He felt lost, he felt lonely. He had never really felt that lonely in his life. He always had familiar faces to look after him, even when his parents were estranged from him, the nurses, their children, his teachers cared for him in their place... He never wanted for company. 

And now, he was on his own.  
The hardest thing he had ever done.  
And the worst was yet to come. 

***

They arrived at night. And it was a whole different world for Loki.  
First of all, he had discovered the Bifröst and its keeper, the Aesir Heimdall. A threatening being, though he showed deference to Loki as well as the rest of the assembly. Having never left Jötunheim, Loki was astonished to see in the flesh what he had only read and heard about. 

And to learn the way out back to his homeland was most interesting. 

He was equally dumbfounded by Asgard and its beauty. Even if he had a thermal surprise for what he thought was the warm climate in the capital. In fact, being a Jötunn, ignoring the feel of cold for he WAS cold, any change of temperature needed a time of adjustment. Indeed, it was still winter in Asgard. 

It was painful to see Odin's monstrous palace. Not because Loki knew it was going to be his prison for a long time, but because it was indeed grander than Laufey's own palace. It hurt Loki's pride.  
Torches and fires had been lit for their arrival and the huge crowd made Loki quiver. Too much people cheering, too much Asgardians, too much enemies. And the noise... They roared like the most thunderous winds of Jötunheim each time Odin spoke of his triumphs and each time Thor raised his damned hammer toy and waved like a simpleton. Luckily, they had the discretion lo let Loki hide in the shades of the Einherjars. They mentioned they had him as an hostage but had the peculiar decency not to put him on display like spoil of war. Which he was, actually.  
Even if he was left in relative peace, Loki knew he had no friends here. More like possible killers. He knew that they were many in this sea-like crowd that lost someone dear in the Jötunn Wars. And would be too happy to have a scapegoat into their hands. 

They went back into the palace where they were greeted by a showy assembly of Asgardian nobles. First of all came an Asgardian female, clad in a silver armour and harboring a gorgeous mane of red hair. She had sea-green eyes and a full red mouth that stretched into an elegant smile.  
“All hail the All-Mother !” cried an herald somewhere.  
Loki was astonished. THIS was the Female Scourge ? This was the mean, ugly witch the Jötunn killer had mated with to sire the boar ? She was an imposing, handsome female who indeed exuded royalty and power. But she was as beautiful as the Scourge was a wrinkled, damaged prune and as their son was a buffoon.  
She was the only one to smile to Loki and directly talking to him, after briefly saluting her mate and pup. 

“Prince Loki Laufeyson, Heir of Jötunheim, you are welcome in Asgard.”

Loki gracefully bowed to the Queen. She indeed had manners and consideration. She was the only one, unfortunately...  
It was then Frigga who took charge, who gave Loki a tour of the palace and helped him settle in the chambers prepared for him. It was as if she made sure Loki talked to no one else but her. Loki had no other words exchanged with the Scourge (not that he wanted to...) and he found himself separated from the oaf. And THAT was a relief.  
Loki suspected a dissension between Frigga and her men. For someone that had not see her family for months, she was acting rather coldly to them. It was as if she wanted to chastise them for something Loki couldn't grasp by shielding him from any Asgardian contact. Including her own son. Loki was reluctant to admit that he had a sort of esteem for the Queen. 

It was fun to see the discomfited look on the boar's face as Frigga was taking his prey away from him. 

***

Despite Frigga's attentions and care, Loki had to get along with the fact that he was a prisoner, although treated with respect befitting his station.  
He had Einherjars at his side 24/7 (except in the privy and even that Loki was not really sure...). He was confined to his quarters most of his time. He hadn't even met anyone from the castle as he was forbidden to attend public events. He couldn't even see the town, not to mention the inner palace and gardens. His windows were barred and locked, making it hard to study the landscape and Loki didn't know in which part of the palace he was... Of course. 

He was a prisoner, despite the grandeur and respect. 

Indeed, his cage was a golden and velvet one. He had rooms for himself more luxurious than anything he ever had in the Jötunn palace. Laufey had austere tastes and praised self-discipline. Luscious furs and silk on the bed and rich tapestries on the wall Loki never saw the likes. Walls and furnitures in bronze, gold and silver. A bedroom almost twice as large as his parents' own bedroom in Jötunheim, a private bathroom with a bath as large as a pool and various types of cold, lukewarm or warm water... Even one for steam and milk baths ! Who ever heard of bathing in milk or vapor ?  
He had an office and a personal library, rather well furnished although small. So he had ways to kill time. He had, of course, his own servants who obeyed him most of the time but never talked to him and looked at him as if he was an abomination. They were good at hiding their disgust of Jötnars but Loki could not be fooled.  
Apart from this and the fact that he had no news from the outside of these apartments, Loki was extremely comfortable.  
But very lonely. 

But it was nothing Loki had not already anticipated. At first he would be shunned, isolated and carefully watched to see if there was any tricks on his part or from outsiders. Loki would not be in the open until Odin was sure the bargain was safe. It would come in time.  
Until then Loki had only one visitor, one he would have gladly avoided if it was only possible. 

Thor had started barging in his rooms two days after Loki's settlement.  
Loki had the fright of his life for he had come unannounced and the servants had left without a sound. The Jötnar Prince felt trapped. He had been sure that Thor was here to... claim his prize and wanted no witness to his hideous act. Thor had made casual talk about Loki's health and how he liked the accommodations...  
Loki expected to be grabbed, thrown on the bed and brutally ravished any minute until the servants came back with wine for Thor, tea for Loki and a huge golden plate full of colored fruits, meat and pastries. Loki was dumbfounded. Whatever his ulterior motives might be, Thor only wanted to have a late lunch with Loki. For now... 

The servants remained during the whole meal and Thor did not even brushed past the tip of Loki's fingers. He was blabbering non-stop about himself, about Asgard, life on Asgard, the Nine Realms, the weather, the upcoming festivities, whatever... He made no mention of Jötunheim or eventual negotiations concerning Loki's fate. But Loki knew he wouldn't, so no hope lost there.  
Thor was not even waiting for Loki to answer his questions or participate in the conversation. He had absolutely no curiosity about Loki other than if he was comfortable in Asgard or not. Loki contented himself with smiling and nodding as if he was attending to a slightly retarded child. Indeed, the more Thor was being easygoing, the more Loki felt as if he was actually dealing with a slightly retarded child. It was rather funny... 

Maybe it would be easier than Loki thought to manipulate him. 

***

Ultimately, Thor took his leave of Loki.  
As they were heading to the main door, Thor turned to Loki and looked at him in the eyes.  
Then, out of the blue, before Loki could say anything, he was grabbed and thrust against the wall.

Thor pined him on the hard surface, parted his legs with his own knee and gave him another searing kiss that felt like a burn on Loki's mouth.  
Again, it happened so fast Loki had momentarily blanked out. But this time he managed to wipe out the confusion. And as Thor was starting to fondle him, IN FRONT OF THE DAMNED SERVANTS, Loki, furious, brutally thrust Thor away.

“Are you insane ? How dare you touch me !!” 

Thor seemed astonished by Loki's reaction. 

\- Why, don't you like it ?

Loki looked at him as if he was mad. 

\- Are you dumb ? Would YOU like to have a tongue pushed into your throat without your permission ?!

Then, at Loki's greatest astonishment, Thor POUTED. The Crown Prince of Asgard and mighty killer of Jötunns POUTED in front of Loki like a scolded five-year-old... As if Loki was acting mean to poor little Thor.

\- I want YOU to put your tongue in my throat without my permission.

Loki gasped. He thought that he heard wrong for one second. But it was real serious... Thor went on.

\- But you won't, won't you ? You are so arrogant, you think you Jötunn runt are better than me !

Loki's mouth opened and closed like a stupid fish. He couldn't believe the attitude and what he was being said. 

\- Either you are stupid or mentally impaired ! We have nothing in common in any way ! We are not even on equal ground ! I am an hostage and you and your family are my keepers ! And NOW you are insulting me !? I do not want anything to do with you, you moron !

At this, Thor looked really hurt. Loki was in total disbelief. The Asgardian oaf made him look like the bad guy. 

\- But I like you ! Thor resentfully answered. I really like you since the first time I saw you. Anyone would be proud to be chosen by me !

And now Thor took a whining tone. That was enough for Loki. He yelled at the servants, made them call the Einherjars to escort the Prince out. So out Thor went, holding his head high, after throwing Loki a last grudging look.

Loki had to master his nerves not to crash everything in the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are ! Tension is building ! Enjoy !

The days passed but nothing new occurred.

Loki fell into a routine of waking up, bathing, studying, practicing as much physical exercises he could in a restrained place and no training weapons. Then back to studying, reading, meditating and being bored to death...

Thor didn't come back. It allowed Loki some peace to think. Actually, the blond boar's attitude was not really a surprise to Loki. Thor never hid his attraction for the Jötunn prince. It was so obvious that, even when Loki had decided to be the sole hostage, he had braced himself and expected to be assaulted. But Thor's strange attitude proved something. 

What Thor really wanted was to be admired and loved.   
And he couldn't understand that anyone could ever, EVER, refuse him. 

Thor was incapable of taking in consideration the fact that Loki's homeland had been devastated, that his fellow soldiers had been decimated, that his family had been attacked and vanquished, his dam insulted, his brothers threatened, that Loki had been taken away from everything, especially his lover, to be brought into a hostile place where even his life was dubiously secured. And yet, Thor was the one feeling spurned. 

Typical Asgardian logic. 

And yet, whatever he wanted from the Jötunn prisoner, Thor wanted Loki to give it to him willingly, not to take it by force. Apparently, Thor thought at first that Loki harbored some attraction to his blond masculinity and had been deeply vexed and confused when his advances were rejected. Surely, the glorious prince was used to swooning maidens at his feet. And it took one Jötunn runt acting disdainful to deeply hurt his pride. 

On one hand Loki wanted to think that it was a small annoyance in retaliation for all the Frost Giants killed in battle. 

On the other, Thor was not known for his patience and sooner or later, it would backfire on Loki. 

But there was nothing to be done. 

Once again, Angrbodr's noble features under the light of fresh snow came to his mind.  
He fought back tears till his eyes burnt.   
Another sleepless night with a migraine and countless reasons to despair...

***

Not so far from Loki's secured chambers, Thor was also having a rough time trying to find slumber. In fact, since the day he had met the blue-skinned and red-eyed reason of his obsession and that said obsession had followed him home, he couldn't have a full night sleep. Luckily for the Jötunn Prince, Loki never knew.

In fact Thor was fuming. He was enraged, exasperated. Damn little Jötnar beast !!

It had all started so well. It went all so smoothly, the plan to get the Royal family, the attack of the fortress, the excitement of battle, the blood, the fire...   
And then Thor had seen two smaller silhouettes running one after the other to safety and the thirst for fight turned into the heat of hunting when he recognized one of them as Prince Loki, the Heir of the Frost Kingdom. He was sure of it for it was known that, to distinguish his son from other runt commoners, Laufey had made Loki wear horns of gold upon his brow, to remind everyone of his high birth and fate. 

At first Thor had planned to defy him in a duel and ultimately to kill him and bring his corpse as trophy.   
And then, having seen him, he decided he would bed him at once. 

He was more exquisite than anything that Thor had ever seen before, bluest than the deeper shade of blue, blue as a starless midnight sky except that he had shining rubies for eyes. Redder than one small drop of pure blood. And if those eyes hid their terror of Thor, the rest of the handsome face and lissome body betrayed nothing but dignity and grandeur.   
A prize among prizes. A beauty above all beauties. Thor knew then that such a being could not be taken like that on the ground. It had to be conquered. It had to be proven claim on it.   
That was why he had contented himself with a simple kiss. Thor honestly thought it was proof of his seriousness and a display to the Jötunn Prince that Thor was a worthy lover. 

He honestly believed he was treating Loki properly. He was perfectly adamant that he had the right to assault Loki. He had absolutely no idea that this was an actual aggression. To Thor, it was all about asserting his own greatness to Loki's eyes.   
He was so sure that Jötunns were violent people that only took equally violent mates. He knew so little of Jötnar culture, believing it primitive and unworthy of attention, that he actually thought that Frost Giant matchmaking was only brutal and definite.   
And he was sure that, by delaying his possession of Loki, he had made him a favor Loki would appreciate, surely, and thank Thor, of course. 

Never, in his craziest dreams, the Mighty Thor would have ever imagined being rejected. 

And it only made him mad and wanting for more. 

Then, in the deep of night, when sleep wouldn't come, he imagined himself sneaking his way through Loki's chambers, to Loki's bedroom.   
He pictured himself in the still of the room. Loki's sound asleep and unaware of Thor's presence, a mere lean blue shadow silvered by the light of moon. Thor would first slowly uncover the graceful prince, being careful not to wake him. He would sate his hunger with Loki's naked sight. Then he would crawl into the bed, after having undress himself of course. He would caress ever so lightly, just the tip of his fingers across the flawless blue skin to keep the advantage of surprise. Loki would moan very softly and stretch under Thor's hand, allowing the Thunderer to explore more skin and secret places. 

At that stage, he often wondered if Loki was a virgin, if he had had lovers or affairs. It was impossible for him to have intercourse with a normal Frost Giant but there were other runts in Jötunheim (although not so many). So, it remained an unanswered question. Something Thor didn't like to think about.   
Or a state Thor could change forever...

He would play with Loki's body, chuckling at how Loki would shiver or gently recoil from Thor's touch. Until he would wake up. His red eyes shining and huge at the recognition of Thor's presence, then maybe fear... Then maybe desire... Or a mix of both.   
Thor would swiftly master Loki's wrists with only one hand while the other would cover his mouth preventing him to scream. Thor would try to talk Loki into it, choosing burning words to seduce Loki. Sometimes, in Thor's fantasy, depending on his mood, he would imagine a willing Loki closing his eyes and laying under the Mighty Thor's will. And other times it was a crazed, angry Loki that would fight his assailant until he would surrender out of exhaustion or subjugation. A crying Loki whose tears Thor would drink, a moaning Loki whose sounds would make Thor's blood boil, a quiet, petrified Loki whose cold and stiff body Thor would have to melt with the warmth of his hands... 

Thor caressed himself slowly then more and more vigorously. Since he met Loki, he has stopped seeing his usual paramours and was forced into a long period of chastity that strained his nerves and made him desire the Frost Prince even more. He had even stopped his on-and-off affair with his childhood friend, the warrior Sif. He didn't have to explain, she had guessed already. She was much displeased for Thor always knew she had dreamed of marrying him some day. He did love her, actually, but as his closest friend, not really as a lover. Besides, Thor was aware that she loved freedom too much.   
She was born to live and die at battle, not to discuss tedious politics of ruling the kingdom and manage the court as Frigga did. She and Thor would tear each other's throat out of boredom after one month of wedded bliss. Besides, Thor also knew that she had other lovers. He had guessed that Fandral was one of them. Would a woman of such strong temperament tolerate having only one lover and a husband in the bargain ? Thor wasn't sure but HE wasn't the sharing type. Affairs in bachelor time were OK, but marriage was a serious business. 

His hand stopped.   
Marriage ?   
His hand resumed his coming and going movements but this time with more gusto. 

Marriage. This conceited little runt BOUND to Thor. HIS to do whatever Thor might want to do. And, in Thor's spirits, the word “bound” evoked ropes of gold and bronze wrapped around slender blue wrists up to a magnificent silver bedpost (Thor's, actually). Screams, tears, insults, thrashing, death threats, then more tears and screams, begging to stop, begging to continue... A deep terrible warmth and brutal pleasure as Thor plunged himself into the maiden tightness (in this violent fantasy, Loki was always a virgin) and have his hips circled by long, blue legs to hold back his vicious ride and roar until... Loki... LOKI !!

Thor waited until his heart came back to normal. He had came quite brutally.   
Once he had cleaned his hands with a piece of cloth on his massive bedside table, he started to imagine a whining Loki, proud no more, hurt by Thor's little “demonstration”, finally accepting to nestle against Thor's chest and arms for comfort. Thor wiping tears and blood and pouring words of consolation and eternal love.  
And then Loki with a crown on his head and a protruding blue belly, round as a planet, strolling with Thor around the palace gardens as courtiers curtsied and whispered “Your majesties...” And Loki, shielding his precious burden with his two arms, smiling to Thor and whispering “I love you...”

Thor would love that.   
He would simply ADORE that. 

He just had to convince his parents of the beauty of the plan.   
And Loki, of course. Ultimately.   
Easy as pie. 

***

It had been five months.   
Five. Damned. Months.   
Loki was slowly going insane.   
No news. Nothing. Zip. 

Fear and stress were taking a toll on Loki's strained mind. He was starting to go paranoid.   
How long could it take to arrange ransom negotiations ? To discuss a treaty of peace ? Or at least to give Loki more slack for good behavior and let him reach the damned casket just once, JUST ONCE, so he could wipe away this pigsty of a damned world till only ashes remained !!  
He started biting his nails again. An annoying habit Farbauti used to prevent by slapping Loki's hand. It worked at that time. The memory brought a smile to Loki's mouth and tears to his eyes he didn't even bother to hide anymore. Thoughts of Angrbodr and his family were plaguing him those last days. They seemed to come from a lifetime ago and not only five months. 

The one thing that prevented him from going insane was the regular daily visits Queen Frigga gave him. Sometimes alone (well, with her queens-guards and ladies-in-waiting, meaning...) and sometimes with a sulking Thor who apparently wished he had some quality time of his own with Loki. He still threw burning looks at Loki that gave the Jötunn the creeps. But one glare of Frigga's and the boar would be standing to attention at once. She had put a good leash on him, indeed...  
Loki was actually enjoying those visits, Thor or no Thor. They had tea and treats and could discuss anything from tiny trivia about Asgard and the Asgardian court to more serious subject like books or music or such.   
The unsaid rule was not to talk about Asgardian politics or Jötunheim, or Loki's fate.   
But Loki felt so isolated that he needed it badly. So Frigga's coming was like a ray of sun, even if it was burdened with the blond oaf's obvious desire. 

It was currently one of those visits. Frigga was laughing, telling Loki and Thor how one of her ladies (she refused to give any names), fooled two of her annoying suitors by giving them the same date and hour of a rendez-vous. So, instead of meeting the lady, they found each other and fought like idiots, making a show of themselves in front of the whole court.   
Thor and Loki chuckled. Frigga, possibly because of years of training being the main hostess and organizer of Asgardian life, had a way to soothe a tense atmosphere. And the tension between her son and their “guest” was almost palpable. 

“By the way, Loki, how are doing with your stay in Asgard ?”

Loki's heart skipped a beat. For weeks, apart from being sure he lacked of nothing, Frigga had been mute about Loki's situation, as if he was a Prince in a diplomatic trip and not a prisoner in a confined apartment. And now she was casually broaching the subject. Loki held back his breath. 

“They are quite agreeable, thank you very much.”

Under this nonthreatening answer, there was a world of angst and unanswered questions. Loki had to hide everything. 

“Indeed, but I think you lack company sometimes. How about assisting at tonight's informal banquet ? It is a sort of family meeting so you won't have to follow some complicated protocol. It is only for our closest friends.”

Of course, it wasn't really an invitation. Rather an announcement that Loki was expected to integrate life at court, step by step. Finally.   
Of course, that also meant he was under Frigga's supervision and the fact that she mentioned protocol supposed there was going to be a training in court life. Loki breathed easier. All his efforts in discretion had finally payed off. He was freed, well, relatively...

“I'll be delighted.”

Loki tried not to turn his face to Thor to see what he thought about that. From now on, Loki had to be careful with every move. He had to remain composed and neutral not to arise suspicions. He had to be invisible in the Asgardian court so he could gain a relative measure of trust. Until he finally went back to Jötunheim, with the Casket or not. Preferably with.   
Loki was pondering so hard about his options and plans he didn't notice Thor's wide grin and Frigga's severe look at her son, wordlessly enjoining him to remain composed. 

***

Life changed tremendously for Loki, the following weeks after Frigga's announcement.   
He was from now on basking in Asgardian court's golden life, in endless feasts and parties, meeting so much people they all looked the same to him (except the gang of half-wits always at Thor's heels and giving Loki dubious glances), doing so much things and participating in so much events it made his head spin...   
Loki went from boredom to no-time-to-stop-and-think. He had too much to digest but Frigga was always backing up. They were so close that he became part of the All-Mother's retinue. It was easier and safer. To remain in the shadow of the Queen made him appear less suspicious. Sometimes Frigga reminded him of Farbauti but less hot-tempered. Farbauti was not renown for his patience.   
Loki quickly became a sort of right-hand for Frigga. Her chief Lady-in-waiting was out in the country for medical reasons and Loki took her place as second-in-command. Mummy's little helper... It made Loki sneer. Just like the good old days at Jötunheim when Loki used to stand behind his parents, most of all his dam and brothers...  
He knew he was thinking too much about his real family during the day, he knew that he couldn't help looking gloomy and that the Queen noticed it. It was hard to hide from her. Yet, Frigga never asked, never bothered Loki about how he felt. He was grateful for that...

As for the Scourge and the boar, he saw them quite often (it couldn't be prevented...) but aside from the formalities and small talk, there was little contact between them. Loki was starting to lose patience. He didn't care much for the oaf's longing looks and contented himself with the minimum of courtesy and small talk. But the Scourge...  
The Scourge was the key to Loki's freedom and said key remained mute, unchangeable. 

Another month was spent uselessly. A total waste. At least, Loki was so busy, being at Frigga's beck and call that his paranoia and confused feelings had quieted down. He was calmer if not more reassured.   
The other effect was that, as Loki had guessed, he was by now totally formed to Asgardian people and lifestyle at court. They even had stopped glaring at him as if he was an item in a freak show. They finally paid him the respect due to a foreign prince. He was integrated, well, he was on the way of being at least partially accepted. That was surprising and, indeed, it was a first. The first Frost Giant (well... runt...) to ever be part of Asgard, in a sort of awkward way...

Sometimes Loki surprised himself by not being totally repelled by this country and this kind of life. Yet, he still didn't like it. His place was in Jötunheim, he was born to rule and be a king not someone's pet elsewhere.

***

And one day, things started to move on.   
First, he discovered some piece of information that had leaked. That peace with Jötunheim was imminent. After six months of hiatus and grudging truce, it was heard that an agreement had somewhat been found, that the War Price had been paid handsomely... The War Price being an exchange of considerable goods and valuables between the two alienated countries so they could settle their debts to each other and the Norns ... Loki couldn't bear the excitement and fear. It meant that Laufey had paid Loki's ransom. And Loki had guessed what it was. It was incredibly infuriating and frustrating. 

In order to have his son and heir back, Laufey had revealed the power of the Casket of Ancient Winters to the Scourge in exchange for Loki's freedom.

It has to be it. The Casket was Jötunheim's most treasured artifact. Only the Crown Heir and future of the country could equal it, at the very least...  
Meaning that the Scourge would have permanent control of Jötunheim.   
Loki could have banged his head on the wall out of rage and powerlessness, in front of the whole court if necessary. Why couldn't his parents trust him to get on with his plans ?! The idea of having the Casket in the Fortress was already a disaster ! When would they ever learn ?  
Loki promised himself to change things, once crowned king of Jötunheim. 

All in all, he was going home. At last. 

***

Loki was finally summoned to the Scourge's private halls. Well, in fact, it was said that the Scourge wanted to see the Queen and the boar and, as Loki dutifully followed the All-Mother, no one suspected that he was the subject of the upcoming discussion.   
Loki braced himself and kept a dignified poise. 

The private halls were not as huge as the main throne room that could contain a whole city but they were still impressive. Yet the Scourge was not seating on the massive gold seat, a tiny replica of the monster in the main hall. He was at the feet of the pedestal, holding what appeared to be unsealed parchments and waiting for his audience.   
Frigga came first, followed by Loki right behind her steps, and the boar. Loki was nervous and hid it. But it appeared that Frigga was not at ease either and that the blond oaf was fidgeting.   
Loki had the disagreeable impression that they knew what was going to be said and done. He didn't like to be sidestepped like that. Odin raised his eyes and smiled as greetings. Loki thought it made him look more grim. 

“Morning to you all, my family. Are you quite well, my love ?”

The Old Man started to fuss around his wife, as if Loki wasn't even there. He tapped his son's shoulder and, at long last, he turned to Loki. 

“I am glad to see you again, Loki Laufeyson. I never had the chance to ask of you... How do you fancy Asgard ?”

No, seriously ? Thought Loki. Was it an Asgardian obsession to ask this to choice-deprived hostages ? 

“It is a remarkable place, All-Father, (Loki had to make an effort not to feel the bile rising in his mouth each time he had to give the old git his formal title) and so different from Jötunheim.”

That was it. A simple, neutral comment to humor the old prune.   
Then, Loki noticed that Odin gave his wife a quick hesitant glance and it seemed that Frigga's gave a discreet gesture of encouragement. Even Thor had a weird light in his eyes. What was going on between the three of them ? 

“Then, dear Loki, ( “Dear”?!?) how about staying here for good ?”

Loki thought his heart stopped. He had to make a huge mental effort to make his lungs work again. His meditation exercises really helped. He managed to keep an even voice. 

“I don't understand, All-Father...”

Odin breathed heavily. It seemed that all were holding back their breath. 

“The war between Asgard and Jötunheim is now officially over. And it is customary to celebrate such happiness by an union as fruitful as our freshly made peace...”

Loki felt the ground shake beneath his feet. 

“An union between the Eldest Prince of Jötunheim and the Crown Prince of Asgard !”

It was as if time had stopped for an eternity. It only lasted for one half-second but to Loki it felt like centuries. 

“Union ?” He croaked out. 

The Scourge started to look huge, almost ready to crush Loki and his smile was one of a monstrous wrinkled dire-wolf ready to eat him. 

“Your parents are overjoyed and both our countries will be entertained by months of feasting ! Rest assured that Jötunheim is currently celebrating that the next rulers of Asgard will be both Aesir and Jötunn for the first time in the Nine Realms' history !”

Loki couldn't hear anymore. Odin was blabbering about “happiness”, “glory”, “love”, “greater good” and all his sentences felt like nails hammered into Loki's brain. 

“My parents ?” Loki felt like he was talking from far, far away...

Odin handed over the bunch of parchments he was holding to Loki and said something about the impossibility to let him communicate with Laufey and Farbauti until now “for safety reasons.” He was going on yammering about incomprehensible stuff like “Thor”, “wedding”, “ceremony.” Frigga stepped forward to say something Loki never grasped because he was hearing less and less and focused only on the written runes on the thick paper. Runes that felt like a death sentence, black and ugly...

Both Farbauti and Laufey had written. Laufey was proud of such a glorious match for his eldest and hoped that Loki would be worthy of such an honor. He couldn't wait till he saw his grandchildren on the Asgardian throne one day. Farbauti couldn't believe how happy Loki was going to be and had he been told that his brother Helblindi was also engaged ? As the new Crown Prince, he needed a mate, and Helblindi had chosen the Head Stewart's son, Loki's closest friend Angrbodr. 

Loki felt that his head was seriously swimming. There was noise around him he couldn't understand, images he couldn't decipher. The only real thing was the writings that tore right through his heart. 

Farbauti was less pleased with Helblindi's match than he was with Loki's but Helblindi appeared to be serious and in love. By the way, when was Loki's wedding due ? None of the Jötunn would be attending, of course, diplomatic reasons and all that, but it was urgent that the marriage be made official on the paper and in the flesh because... Because...

Loki's mind shut brutally down and he never read the last of the letter. There was darkness everywhere, a ruffle of falling papers, screams of 'Loki !!' coming out of throats that were foreign and the ground that seemed to hit him like a ton of bricks.   
He felt arms around him, strong but not enough to be Farbauti's, he saw two pieces of blue sky that looked terrified and remembered they belonged to the cause of his misery. 

“It is all your fault” he murmured to the pieces of summer sky that seemed to rain at once. “I hate you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here you go ! LOTS OF ANGST and no sex in this one... Sorry...

He was floating in warm waters. Lying on his back, slowly drifting away...   
He didn't know where he was anymore and he didn't care. Except that his head was horribly hot and painful, as if his heart was pounding in it. Apart from this, it was not so disagreeable, as if he was warped up in a steaming cocoon. He could gladly remain there forever.   
The really annoying thing were the voices that wouldn't stop, faraway voices he didn't recall and didn't understand. Very troublesome and noisy. 

“... Bad case of Red Fevers... First one in centuries...”  
“.... Highly contagious... Maybe caused by the change of temperature or....”  
“.... Your Majesty, we are not even sure if the Prince...”

Then, silence, at very long last.   
He was vaguely conscious that he was moved, that he was given water and cold cloth to soothe his brow, that someone tried to feed him some kind of porridge but it made his throat burn and he coughed it all.  
He couldn't tell if he was dreaming or awake anymore so he couldn't tell if the screaming he heard was real or not.

“.... What your father and you were thinking about !!… Do you have any idea....”  
“... As future King of Asgard, I can choose whoever...”  
“... King of FOOLS is what you are going to be !! Do you realize the pain this poor child...”  
“But I LOVE him !!”  
“So you said but look where it got us all !... And now...”

At one point, (seconds ? Hours ? Days ? Centuries ?) the warmth became unbearable and the pain was the one thing real in his body and mind. Loki heard weird painful noises and it seemed they came from him. Or was it one of the yelling voices that kept pestering him ? 

“... Got worse... Not sure he'll pass the night...”  
“.... Norns's sakes, DO SOMETHING !! He is my...”  
“.... Thor, calm down. We need to...”  
“.... If this is the end then I'll stay with...”  
“.... Prince, you could catch...”  
“ I DON'T CARE !! I'll stay with him through the...”

It was an intolerable burden. Even when they were away, there was still this heat, this pain, this fire everywhere. There was no relief from it. He was a tiny wee runt again, alone in his nursery, wanting his dam or his nanny, he didn't know either anymore... But he was so thirsty, he needed someone, anyone...

“...Dam...”

This voice was so deep and weak he never realized it was his.  
The form that came was big but not enough to be Farbauti. Besides, there was a strange yellow light around the blurred features. A cool hand came to touch his burning face, granting a form of release. He noticed the hand was strangely white, not blue. Whatever...

“Do you need anything, my love ?”

Yep, definitely not Farbauti. Even if the grave, soft voice was similar.   
Angrbodr ? If Angrbodr, what was wrong with his hair ? And anyway, why would he come to see Loki ? He was so thirsty it was hard to think and try to make sense of all of this...

“Water...”

As soon as the magic word was uttered, Norns knew how, he felt the rim of a glass and that his head was held to help him drink. The relief pervaded his whole body. It was temporary but it was worth it.   
The refreshing hand took the empty glass. There was a noise somewhere indicating that the glass had been put away on a table. Then this same soft hand brought coolness again to his burning brow. The form was moving slowly and so was the world around Loki. Perhaps that someone had crawled on the bed next to him... The hand brought a regular, tender caress...

“So, that's it ?” grumbled the voice “You have decided to die on me and leave me on my own ? Do you really hate me that much ? ”

Loki winced. What was Angrbodr babbling about ? How could he whine like that after what he had done ? 

“You betrayed me...” croaked the faraway voice Loki couldn't believe was his. 

He heard a deep sigh. 

“I thought... I really thought you would understand sooner or later... Mother is right. It was all about me.”

The voice was childishly boring. He wished it would only stop. 

“I know... It was very brutal but I would have make it up to you. I swear !” This plaintive voice was seriously getting on his nerves. “Everything you would have wanted, I would have given them to you ! Gold, diamonds, books, lands, my hammer, my kingdom, my life, whatever. Anything !”

And now Angrbodr was weeping, typical...

“You are boring...” Loki sighed weakly

Angrbodr laughed a teary laugh. 

“At least, it makes you focus on staying alive... Look.” Angrbodr shifted and took Loki's hand (which felt like a torch to him) in an imploring gesture. “One chance. One chance is all I ask...” Angrbodr weeped again. Loki remarked the funny blond hair all around him. Blond ? On a Jötnar ? Ew. 

“Just one chance and I'll make you so happy. You have my word.” 

Angrbodr kissed the feverish hand. A wet, cool kiss soaked with tears which was oddly as refreshing as a dive in a fountain to Loki. Loki felt himself smile. A real, joyous smile, the first in light-years. 

“Dye your hair back to black and we'll see...”

And he drifted off to a peaceful slumber. 

***

Loki woke up from the bliss of sleep back to his own personal hell.   
The healers told him he had been sick more than three weeks. Loki had caught the Red Fevers, an extremely dangerous disease that could have killed him. Loki realized that he had had a chance to escape all this by dying but the Norns were making a fool of him. Again.   
He had been quarantined with a little team of nurses. He had had an extremely bad moment where everyone thought he was lost. But Prince Thor had spent the night locked in the room with Prince Loki and he appeared much better the next morning. A true miracle some courtiers attributed to Thor's “true love.” Hearing that, Loki wanted to laugh out loud but not out of good humor. He would never smile again nor laugh for pleasure now, ever. 

His life was over. 

He felt nothing any more. He had been sold, traded like cattle to the enemy. His family, his own blood, had chosen to get rid of him in the most horrifying manner. Being treated like damaged goods, to be made Thor's breeding whore. 

How did this happen ? HOW COULD THEY ? 

Loki couldn't help asking those questions to himself but deep inside, he knew how. It was so easy, so simple. Maybe all of this had been improvised, or maybe it was a diabolical plan devised long ago, either way, it had the same purpose. 

To get rid of Loki-the-runt and to put Helblindi-the-golden-boy on the throne. 

So the proverbial couple of birds had been hit with one HUGE stone. 

It came with a treaty of peace on honorable terms without excessive killings. A very lucrative alliance of blood with the most powerful race of the Nine Realms. If children were to come (just the thought of him siring pups with Thor made Loki want to throw up) Laufey would be royal grandfather of two realms, at very long last, for Frost Giants (standard ones meaning, not runts) were unable to mate out of their species. Odin would have his say about any Jötunn military operation. Mutual surveillance and prosperity.

If Loki would be ever so kind to shut up, lay down and open his legs for the royal boar, thank you very much. 

Loki was twisting the bed sheet so hard it tore the skin of his hands and it made him bleed on the bed. He was shaking badly and he didn't care for the flood of tears streaming down his face.   
For they were tears of rage and extreme desire for revenge.   
Loki was naive but he wasn't a fool. He KNEW that something like that could happen. He KNEW his parents would pass their kingdom BEFORE their children' rights or happiness. 

That didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell, like no pain Loki had ever experienced before…

Yet, two questions remained unanswered.   
How did the Casket of Ancient Winters fit into all this mess ? Was it to stay here or go back to Jötunheim as Price of War ? On this, Loki couldn't guess what was the plan. 

Angrbodr was the second question. Yet Loki had no desire to solve this one.   
Except with a sword passed through the deceiving slut's heart.   
And another to cut said deceiving slut's tongue.   
Once he had made up his mind about his feelings, Loki decided he would forgot the traitorous whore's name and never mention it again. Loki wished him happiness tending to Helblindi-the-superbrat's bed and petty needs. He hoped the slut would die in childbirth, or exhaustion, or more probably boredom for Helblindi was not considered the most caring and brilliant mind in Jötunheim. That was an understatement. 

To hell with them both. 

Anger, rage, desire for retribution. Such warming thoughts for Loki's desolate heart.   
Yes, he would be Thor's breeding whore. Better, he would be the TOP breeding whore. He would be the most amenable, the most mild-mannered, and give Thor such a litter that he would have no choice than send some back to Jötunheim, not to be overflowed with Frost Giant offspring.  
And that day Loki would accompany them, preferably with an army of countless, bloodthirsty Einherjars. Altogether, they would erase Jötunheim from the surface of Yggdrasil and Loki would have a brand new collection of spiked heads, including his parents, his brother Helblindi and all of the Jötunns that have despised him since his birth for being a useless runt. Only Býleistr would be spared (temporarily...). He was only an innocent youth and had always shown love to Loki... 

Concerning Angrbodr the traitorous bitch, his body would be thrown to the ice dogs and good riddance. 

He couldn't wait for this day to come. Until now, low profile and niceties to the repulsive blond oaf...

Loki's tears felt like acid on his cheeks. 

And the full extent of his newborn hatred terrified him.

***

Loki was convalescing. Despite Frigga's better advice, he came back into the Asgardian life rather quickly.  
Thor was not so blind he could not notice the terrible change. 

Loki was thinner and his skin has turned from deep to greyish blue. His ordeal could be seen on the way he walked heavily and he bowed his head. Sometimes, Loki was dozing off behind Frigga's back, proof that he was still weak and this life was wearing him out.   
Indeed, he had been officially introduced as Thor's fiancé and future Royal Consort. It had been the occasion for great gatherings and tremendous partying. Same old, nothing new... Everything seemed gay and grand. Nothing seemed to disturb Asgard's peace anymore.   
Even the people's attitude towards Loki had changed. Courtiers were now expected to bow very low to the former Jötunn Prince who became the fourth most important figure in the political chess after Odin, Frigga and Thor. There were some growling but everyone backed off and showed Loki an even greater respect. Loki was to have new chambers (near Thor's...) fit to his new position. He had his own guard and retinue (though less furnished than Frigga's) to his service and not for his surveillance anymore (at least officially...).   
He was now a member of the royal family and treated as such. 

And yet, Thor was not blind. 

The terrible fear of losing Loki had given Thor another vision of their current situation.   
He wanted that marriage. He had pressured his parents a bit for it. Not only for political reasons, of course. He thought himself the happiest of men the day it was announced to Loki. 

Only to receive a shock seeing him blacking out and falling on the ground. 

He had held Loki's burning body, had given him water and food (that was mostly thrown up and once on Thor's own pants), had talked to him even if he was only answered by fevered gibberish. A name had often fell from Loki's parched lips, among calls for his parents or his brothers and other unknown persons. Like something that sounded like “Angraboda” and seemed to cause great distress to Loki. His face made a terrible grimace of pain each time and he cried pitifully. Thor had a big lump in his throat every time he remembered that Loki in so much grief.   
He had first wanted Loki out of pride and anger. Now he wanted him in order to never see this horrible figure of desperation on Loki's face ever again. 

Yet, Loki was acting weird. He did what he was told. He followed Frigga everywhere and kept the same duties as before. He even had new ones he assumed without a word of discontent (without a word at all, to be precise). He danced, he chatted, he ate, he entertained, he held parties… The whole with a perfectly amiable expression and grace. 

But his eyes were empty. Nothing in it but … Nothingness.   
Before Thor could read fear, excitement, apprehension… Well, something.  
And now, when it was not the total void it was a dangerous glimmer of hatred, heavily hid but still there...

***

Odin had too much to do with his own duties to really bother about domestic ones. Once the deal and peace with Jötunheim was made, it became Thor and Frigga's problem. Thor wanted the runt ? He had it. Case closed.   
So Frigga was the only one Thor could talk to. The only one close enough to Loki and to actually care for him. 

“I told you they would be complications and heartbreak. I told you to be HONEST with him, right from the beginning ! But you and your father took none of my advice. I was against this hostage thing. Your father knew it !”

Thor fretted. He didn't like being scolded by his Mama like a five-years-old. 

“Yes, Mother, I know now that I handled the situation poorly...”  
“ 'Poorly' doesn't even come close to it, son...”  
“But I am ready to do everything ! Anything ! Just tell me what am I supposed to do.”

Frigga sighed. Typical of her men, they screwed up and then expected her to fix everything. 

“Do you know how much ruined he is my son ? Yesterday, my private messengers received sealed letters to Loki from Farbauti, his dam. Our spies told me it was nothing important, just family matters and trivia. He is allowed to communicate with the outside world now so I gave the letters to him. He thanked me kindly but as I pretended to walk out of the room to give him privacy, I saw him throw the letters to the fire without reading any of them.”

She sighed again. 

“He does it each time he receives something and he never answers back. I had to send word to King Laufey that his son was too occupied to write but the giant is no fool. Loki has unofficially cut ties with his family. When I asked him about this, he told me that he wanted to be an Aesir now, and he had renounced his former country. Lies of course, but the fake smile on his face ! Dreadful...”

Thor pondered this. 

“And if you want my opinion, you have to do something quickly. Each time I try to make him participate in the wedding preparation, each time I demand him if there is nothing he would desire or wish to make or do for the ceremony, his own costume, some Jötunn ritual or anything, he simply says that he trusts me to make a magnificent thing and he leaves all the decisions to me. Which is only a polite way to tell me that he simply doesn't care at all.”

Thor didn't tell his mother that wedding planning was HER thing. He wasn't that much surprised by Loki's reaction for it was tremendously boring and tedious. Anyway, he kept this gem of wisdom to himself. He didn't want to antagonize her. 

“He pretends, Thor, he lies all the time. Before, I could sense a glimmer of truth in what he said. I knew that he was scared, unhappy, but he still had hopes, plans. Right now, it is as if he had given up everything. He is drifting away, Thor.”

Thor felt the big lump in his throat again. In front of his mother, it was embarrassing.

“Mother, I love him. I do, I really do. I want him to love me back. I want to make him happy... I just don't know what to do to make him see that.”

Frigga closed her eyes. Sometimes, they were all asking too much of her. 

“You have ruined many things with your attitude son. You have destroyed something in Loki, but not only you, your father, his parents, maybe even me...” 

She paused, in search for her words. Maybe a little ashamed. 

“It is as if everyone had gobbled the poor child to spit him out once he was no longer of use. He has now a broken heart filled with such bile that no sweetness will soften it. Your marriage is going to be a lonely, dreary thing if you do not change your attitude.”  
“Change how ?” 

Thor was getting impatient. Frigga found it ironical. He wasn't the only one in trouble here... And it was basically his fault.

“To coldness, answer with warmth. To bitterness, speak of gentleness. Remain kind when treated harshly, loving when hated. Always patient in front of curtness and tender in front of harshness. Do not pressure him, give him space when he wants to be alone. Seduce him, surprise him, make him the center of your world. It will be a long and hard road, my son, but Loki's heart and peace of mind depend on it...”

Once his mother had left, Thor felt like he was not out of the woods yet, not by a long stretch.   
Frigga could talk but he was not that much advanced in his quest for a solution. He would indeed try to be patient (hum...), loving, kind... All of this he could. But “seduce”? “Surprise” ? How could that be done ?   
Thor started to realize that he had never tried to “seduce” anyone, any of his former lovers. He simply didn't have to. They were all at his beck and call. All Thor had to do was to give them a date and hour and the key to his private chambers. Now that he was thinking about it, it was a little sad and boring...  
The only one with whom he did differently was Sif. And yet, it was not mutual “seduction.” They had had impromptu, instinctive intercourse in the middle of an exciting hunt, or in the heat of battle or during drunken orgies. But theirs was a particular relationship. Even if Thor had promised himself there wouldn't be anything sexual between them anymore, now that there was Loki. 

“Surprise” Loki ? “Seduce” Loki ? Loki who acted as if Thor didn't even exist, who walked with his head bent, his eyes cast down and his mouth tightly shut ? Who deigned to give a few courteous empty words to Thor in public but disappeared or made excuses any time Thor tried to talk to him privately ? Loki who was clearly scared of the fiancé that was forced on him ?   
Thor tried to think of something, anything about Loki and slowly realized he didn't even know him that much. Hell, he didn't know him at all...  
Then Thor thought about the sick, vulnerable Loki and his misty eyes that seemed to look far away. The Red Fevers had lowered down Loki's barriers and he had appeared a different person. Thor felt like it was the first time ever Loki had acted normally in front of him... Thor wondered if Loki would ever act like that with him again.   
Then Thor remembered something really weird that Loki had told him to do...   
He laughed so hard anyone would have thought he was going insane.   
It could work but THAT would cause a “surprise”, a tremendous scandal even !

 

***

Another damned banquet.   
When would Loki find some kind of peace and quiet ?   
He was bored to death. Standing next to Frigga and Odin. He had to endure the wearisome music, the deafening chantings (they were celebrating some kind of archery competition or something, on Asgard any silly business was cause for celebration. BO-RING), the dubious jokes and the stinking drunkards.   
Luckily, since his engagement, no one tried to bother him. His betrothal gave him a sort of safe barrier. He was isolated but free to think.   
There was little else to do.   
He felt a terrible pain inside sometimes. It came back each time he saw everyone able to sing, laugh and be happy. It was as if someone had tore Loki's heart from his chest with a knife and left a gaping, hurtful wound.  
Whatever. He didn't care anymore. 

Queen Frigga was sitting next to him. She kept worrying about Loki. A tiny part of him was grateful for that. One person at least was a little preoccupied about him, about what he really wanted and thought, even what he was going through... But it was too little and too late. Loki didn't even want to look at the Scourge, looking smug on his throne with his damned gigantic toothpick of hell. Not to mention the boar...

Then Loki noticed that the Scourge was actually watching an empty seat with obvious discontent. Frigga threw nervous glances at her husband. Loki finally realized Thor was nowhere to be seen.   
Not that it mattered to Loki, anyway. But, still...  
Then a guest made his entrance, as discreetly as possible. Loki noticed him because he was hiding underneath a hood, which no one did in court. Loki recognized the beard and mustache under the shadow. What was Thor doing ? Apparently, Frigga and the Scourge had also recognized their spawn. And they didn't like what they saw. 

“Son !” Odin's voice boomed through the hall, making everyone jump. Loki smiled. Some action at last and not for Thor's glory, apparently... Loki sneered.   
“You are late, son. Your fiancé has been waiting...” No, he hasn't. Thought Loki. “...And so did we. What made you so late ?”  
Thor smiled. Under that hood, he seemed pretty proud of himself. Like a kid ready for mischief.   
“I have made myself pretty for my future spouse.” He simply said in a strange coquettish tone that was not Thor at all...  
Loki winced. He didn't like being referred like this by the oaf. He didn't want anything to do with that disgusting...

Thor pulled the hood. 

And each and everyone in the halls gasped loudly. Odin made a surprised bark, Frigga, a high-pitched cry and brought her hands to her mouth. Loki recognized a hushed nervous laugh that was probably coming from one of the stupid boar's posse.   
Loki had also to stifle a yelp. 

Thor had dyed his hair jet black. 

It was horribly unsettling because it didn't suit him at all. It made his true-blond skin look puffy and piggy pink. Besides, it was clear he did it on his own with no advice. It was smudgy and uneven. His once wavy and graciously fluffy hair was now similar to greasy rat tails. Furthermore, he hadn't thought about doing his facial hair too, so he was both blond and brunette and it made him look like a fool. And still the oaf was grinning, seemingly very proud of himself. 

“What have you done ?!” screeched Frigga.   
Thor's grin disappeared seeing the commotion he had created.   
“Have you gone insane ?!” Yelled Odin “What on earth is this trickery ?!”

Indeed, Loki never heard of a black-haired Aesir. Only the Lady Sif had dark silky hair but they used to be wheat-blond. It was widely known this was the result of a curse cast on her by the Enchantress Amora, a vicious witch with a dubious reputation, jealous of Sif's warrior exploits. 

“Look at you !” Screamed a distraught Frigga. “It's horrible ! You need to go to the healers at once !”  
Thor was open-mouthed. Nothing was going the way he expected it. All around, the fun was dead and gone and Odin seemed ready to explode. Thor turned to Loki and looked at him, a little desperately.  
“Do you like it ?” He demanded to his fiancé (said fiancé being infuriated that the boar was publicly asking for his opinion or his support) “At least, is it as you wanted it ?”  
Loki was flabbergasted. Was the boar totally mad ? Did he honestly Loki would like this display of bad taste, not to mention care about it ?   
“What are you talking about ?” Loki had an unsure and shocked tone.   
Thor looked indignant.   
“But you told me ! You told me you would give me a chance if I dyed them black ! And look, I did ! I did it for you ! How could you have forgotten that ?!”  
Then pandemonium ensued for everyone talked and screamed at the same time. “You said it ! You did !” Thor-the-half-brunette kept yelling while his mother was near to tears with recriminations and his father going purple with anger and people all around part laughing, part in awe, part scandalized. All of them making a terrible ruckus. 

Loki was silently mouthing Thor's words, trying to figure them out... 

And then he remembered, the bed, the fever, the headache, the heat and someone he thought was Angrbodr with blond hair begging for another chance, and Loki saying...

And then Loki literally exploded with laughter. 

It wasn't a bitter or a mocking one. Unbelievable as it seemed, it was a joyous stream of hiccups and gags, a laughter that sounded like a freed cascade that totally wrecked Loki's body. It was singing like golden bells and no one could guess it was the the All-Mother's grim shadow (the sad nickname Aesirs had started to dub Loki) that could utter such a merry sound and seem so alive.   
Loki was laughing so hard he had to rise and hold to the table not to fall on the ground. That laughter was turning him upside down and now abundant tears were flowing. Not ones of despair, as he used to shed, but this time out of liberation from days of angst. 

Thor had to grab him to help him standing up. Loki held to Thor's shoulders, instinctively, still shaken by his amazing reaction.   
“So do you like it ? You don't ? Tell me !” Thor was completely lost between wanting to laugh too and trying to guess what could Loki's attitude mean. He realized that this was the first time he was holding Loki close to his chest. This time, it was a shared intimate touch, their very first. Loki was incapable of stopping and had laid his head and his hands on Thor's shoulders for support, while still coughing, laughing and crying, shaking and cleansing his heart from the horror it had been through.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are ! It must have some flaws but it had drained me to write it so I wanted you to judge for yourself. Thnak you all so much for your comments. Last teasing chapter before the real fun begins :) !

This was it. This was the day. 

Loki hadn't slept the previous night. As he had always taken care of his appearance, he hoped it didn't show on his face and eyes. Not that he cared about the whole dreadful and boring masquerade. Yet, he had standards and though fallen he might be, he was still a prince.  
They made him wore a heavy garments of veils of gold and silver, pretty similar to those Thor was wearing. Ridiculously grand and uncomfortable. Again, it allowed Loki to keep his eyes on the ground and avoid looking at the monstrous crowd.  
He was feeling nauseous again.  
And it went on and on, and on...  
The procession, the speeches, the protocol, the endless stream of rituals that had absolutely no meaning to Loki but seemed to put the Aesir in a sort of spiritual trance. 

In Jötunheim, weddings are a simple affair. One of the future spouses comes to the house of the other to take him away to the sacred temple of Great Snows. A priest presides to the vows in public and, while both families are feasting and dancing on their own, the new couple discreetly disappears in the mountains to be isolated for a little while and whatever may happen between them during this period is to remain a secret between them both. 

Loki had always thought the one to bring him out of his father's palace to the peaceful mountains would have been...  
Never mind...

Right now, the jewels adorning his hair felt heavy and gave him a headache. He had done nothing but walk, then stop, then walk again and stand up for centuries-long minutes, repeating empty words, empty promises of love and loyalty that had no meaning nor value whatsoever to Loki. 

Except maybe the one where he was renouncing his Jötunn inheritance and rights on the Jötnar throne...

That was insulting but necessary. Loki had learned that King Laufey, his own sire, had demanded it. The Jötunn didn't want a pretender near the Aesir throne to threaten their royal line.  
Another clear sign of rejection. Another stab into Loki's already drained heart.  
There was nothing else to do. 

Bored to his wits, Loki dared a tiny peak to Thor. He seemed to bear the same discomfort, but with much less poise than Loki did. He was fidgeting, not knowing what to do with his feathered helmet on his arm and lightly drumming his fingers on his hammer, pursing his lips and giving Loki an embarrassed look when he realized his soon-to-be-husband was examining him.  
One good thing was that the air was indeed lighter between them. It was not affection or real trust, rather a sort of unwritten pact of non-aggression, a kind of limited friendship. Loki was still wary of him but he was much less scared, more easy-going.  
It hadn't been that simple. 

***

After the dyed hair incident, Loki had ceased hating Thor with all his might.  
The oaf was in love, so compliant and gullible he had believed Loki's sick ranting. A sort of gratitude had grown in Loki's heart. After all, Thor had got him out of this abominable state of shock that kept him in an infernal limbo, incapable of sleep, think or simply breathe.  
The boar had been adorable then. 

In exchange for a little bit of Loki's good humor, for one tiny smile, Thor was capable of surprising gestures. He had kept his badly dyed hair for a week, making sure everyone saw it. Then, after it was washed away by an exasperated Frigga, there was a reddish hue for months. Surprisingly, It gained him some admiration and popularity. Thor assumed it was a proof of love and so did half of Asgard.  
The other rational half thought that Thor was either stupid or nuts. Or both.  
Even Loki in his bitterness could see the amount of efforts and the public shaming Thor had faced only to please him. So he answered with graciousness, casual conversations, private lunches alone with Thor. It was a formidable step forward and Thor was ecstatic. 

Loki had even been invited to hunting parties and expeditions with Thor's dumb fan club, the Lady Sif (whom in all honesty was the only one with the semblance of a brain) and the three morons whose names Loki had difficulties to remember. Not that he seriously tried to, anyway.  
They didn't trust the runt but they showed respect and never toed the line. Loki saw bitterness and jealousy only once in Lady Sif's dark eyes. That was how he knew she used to be Thor's lover, before Loki entered the picture. Little did she know that Loki would gladly give her Thor back if she wanted him so much, so that he could go home. 

Yet, at that precise moment, Loki didn't want to acknowledge he had no home any more. 

During those hunting trips, he stayed discreet, remaining behind with his mare while the others were running and screaming and making fools of themselves.  
Loki had settled for a policy of quietness, mildness and deference. No unnecessary attention drawn to him. He needed his peace but he needed to appear harmless and meek.  
Any possibility of ever running away depended on it.  
For, at that time, he had not yet given hope and studied for the opportunity of an escape.  
And it was during one of those hunting parties he tried his first and last attempt. 

***

It had been a dreary day since morning. Loki had woken up in a horrible mood. He had had bad dreams of the deceiving slut and his bastard brother laughing at him, followed by weird erotic nightmares where a blond-haired monster pursued him with clear lustful intents.  
He had had breakfast with Frigga, her ladies and Thor and it seemed like the continuation of the nightmare for the conversation had been insufferably dull. About some uninteresting Asgardian trivia or something. And for one terrible second Loki felt this was how the rest of his life was going to be, continuous dullness and then the sheer disgust of sharing Thor's bed.  
Loki didn't realize that Thor was observing him, his paleness, his attempt to hide his tears, the circles under the eyes. That was how Thor guessed that Loki looked like a bomb waiting to explode and braced himself for an eventual incident. 

Then Loki had to follow the stupid crew and to endure their hidden glares. Even Thor's laugh and smile were painful to the least. Loki wanted to grab him, shake him like a plum tree and scream that he had no right to be happy when this happiness was cause for Loki's misery. 

The perfect recipe for disaster. 

It was Volstagg who provoked it. His words were meant as a simple jest but it had been the last straw to Loki. Volstagg did not realize his sense of humor could be hurtful sometimes.  
Loki's mind was not in the hunt and he missed a simple hit on a rabbit. He lacked practice with a bow. It was already embarrassing but then Volstagg did the bad joke. 

“Don't worry, Prince Loki, you are not supposed to be the hunter. Thor is! And most of all, in bed! ” 

It was not even funny but the other were so drunk on excitement they laughed hard as if that platitude was witty. So did Thor.  
Loki didn't know what was worse, being mocked at by those dimwits or by Thor. 

So the minute they started going after some fox or whatever and forgot about the Jötunn, Loki ran the other way, sure they wouldn't realize his disappearance before a while. 

He galloped like a mad man to the Bifröst. 

It was totally improvised. A terrible mistake, the last thing he should have done, but he simply had enough. Whatever might happen he wanted OUT, in any way possible. He dug his heels into his poor mare, forcing her to go faster, making her mouth foam. He knew he was not far away from the rainbow bridge. 

He was going to throw himself at Heimdall's feet and implore him. Tell him he could not go on, not anymore, he would do anything, ANYTHING. 

Once on the shimmering and colorful bridge, he started to feel terror because the engineering of the Bifröst looked menacing and foreign. He was lucky. Thor didn't realize his absence in time. He gave his horse a final push. He was so close.  
And, the Norns be damned, as he was seeing Heimdall, golden in his armour, still standing straight with his hands on his sword, in the exact same position Loki had last seen him months ago, Loki heard sounds of gallop and Thor's voice calling him from far away. 

He abandoned his mare and ran to the giant. Heimdall made a gesture towards Loki, leaving his sword to come to him. Loki could hear the damned horses and the screams getting close. He threw himself on his knees, exhausted, arms outstretched towards Heimdall, ready to plead, to beg...  
But the Gardian only leaned towards Loki and grabbed him by the forearms, making him stand up by force. Loki couldn't feel his legs. Then Heimdall spoke with this grave, resounding voice of his. 

“ It is impossible. They would send you back right away.”

And with this one sentence, Heimdall broke Loki's last hope to ever come home. 

Retrospectively, Loki had to admit that Heimdall was right, that he had no choice... Indeed, he was doing Loki a favor. Even if he had allowed Loki to go, thus disobeying the law of Asgard, of Odin himself and putting his own life in jeopardy, Laufey wouldn't have greeted his son with relief and open arms. No, he would have actually send Loki back the very second his runt offspring had reached Jötunheim. 

Loki finally acknowledged that there was no turning back, whether he liked it or not. 

Thor and his gang had finally reached Heimdall's abode. Loki was wobbling on his legs, still held by the Keeper. He couldn't see anything anymore. He was falling into the second darkness of his life.  
Thor was red with anger and his mouth was tightly pressed. The others looked embarrassed and scared. One or two shot Loki one of their spiteful glare. Indeed, there were supposed to watch over him and failed. They would probably be punished for letting him run away.  
Not to mention Thor's wrath against Loki. Retribution was about to come and it would hit him with a blond rage. 

Yet Loki couldn't care less. 

Thor grabbed Loki from Heimdall, thanking the massive Aesir with a wordless nod.  
“You just come home.” Spat Thor to Loki. There was anger in the boar's voice but also anguish and worry. Maybe he had been more scared than infuriated by Loki's disappearance.  
To this, Loki only responded in a voice so soft that only Thor must have heard.  
“I don't have it.”  
Thor made no reply to this.  
The trip back was dreadfully silent and Thor looked straight away, never at Loki or anyone else. 

Yet the punishment that Loki expected never came. Thor and his gang shunned him for a few weeks and never again was he invited to the hunt (not that Loki cared that much for it). It seemed that no one knew what had happened. Loki thought that Thor didn't want to lose face for letting the runt go and so never mentioned the incident. 

Except that Loki was wrong. If Thor kept it secret, it was only because he wanted to deal with it himself. But not until his rage had soothed down and he was able to deal with the situation with calm and self-control.  
Thor could have throttled the Jötunn that day. He had wanted to scream at his fiancé that he had had enough. Why was Loki still acting like a forced victim when Thor tried his best to make him safe and good ? Wasn't he trying to be loving, understanding, kind ? Why ? Why was Loki deliberately hurting him ? 

He only told Frigga and, luckily, she always knew how to comfort her son.  
“It looks like a silliness done in a moment of panic and despair, child. You should let it go and never talk about it. Loki will come to his senses very soon.”  
Thor breathed heavily. Loving so much and being hated in return was a burden for him. He didn't know what to do.  
“When, Mother ? When will he finally start to understand that I only want his happiness ?”  
“When there will be at least trust between you two.”  
Thor barked a bitter laugh.  
“We are a long way from it.”  
Frigga smiled.  
“Did I tell you how your father and I met ?”  
Thor sneered. Now was not the time for familial memory lane.  
“He demanded your hand to your father, King Friggur of Vanaheim. Everyone knows that.”  
It was Frigga's turn to sneer.  
“Yes, he did. But before that, he tried to kidnap and assault me.”

Thor had to pull himself together. He wished he heard wrong. “Kidnap”? “ASSAULT” ? His father who worshiped the ground his wife walked upon ? His beloved wife he was constantly putting forward and praising for her wisdom and intelligence ? His mother was jesting, it just could not be...

“He did.” Asserted Frigga with a nod of her head as if knowing her son would doubt her words. “It was during the great wars between Vanaheim and Asgard for the west frontier. Your father wanted to give my people a harsh blow. He had the royal fortress under siege. He knew that, as the only princess of the realm at that time, capturing me and taking me by force would destroy my parents and put my brothers in a difficult position.”  
Her face had turned slightly dark.  
“So he managed to breach our defenses and broke into my own room...”  
Thor's mood turned gloomy at the feeling of déjà-vu...  
“He was scary, Thor. You have no idea of how terrifying it was for an inexperienced war maiden as I was to be confronted to the most powerful and bloody being in the nine realms. Yet, I would have rather died than succumb without having fought with all my might. But he didn't try to engage swords with me. He simply had a hard, long look at me and then he turned away and disappeared as quickly as his entrance had been violent.”  
Frigga smiled.  
“The troops retreated at the speed of lightning. No one understood anything, not until Odin himself, in his official regalia and his whole court behind him, asked for an audience with my father. You should have seen our faces... His attitude was incomprehensible. One day he was bound to kill us all and the next he was on diplomatic parleys.  
“So here we were in my father's hall and out of the blue, Odin brought three huge chests full of gems, gold and silver, jewels of every kind... He told my father that he was ready to offer thrice my weight in riches if my parents consented to our union. Norns, the face of my poor father ! My mother was about to faint.”  
Thor smiled in turn.  
“So what happened ? “  
“I was vexed and intended not to let him have his way so easily.”  
“Vexed ?! You managed to stop a war! ”  
“Not on my terms. Your father had not thought about asking for my opinion so I wanted to teach him a little lesson. Besides, I didn't know him and I was afraid of him. How could I trust him ? At that moment I just wanted him out.”  
“So what did you do ?”  
Frigga looked smug. Thor was surprised. His mother never liked to show up.  
“I told him I wasn't so cheap nor so stupid to sell myself for mere trinkets and that I wanted something of more value. I wanted him to bring me the heads of the two twin dragons that ravaged our northern territories. There were extremely dangerous beasts and this task was near to impossible.”  
“Let me guess.” Thor smiled. “He came back with the heads.”  
“And a necklace and pair of bracelets that were made out of the dragons' teeth.”  
Thor knew the jewels she talked about. They were ugly but Frigga wore them often. He hadn't realized until now their importance for his mother.  
“And yet, Thor, my dear, do not imagine that I swooned at your father's feet. I was rather horrified for I had no choice but marry him or create a diplomatic incident. It had been difficult for us both at first. He had absolutely no idea how to deal with a rebellious and resentful wife and it took me a long time to admit he truly loved me, not to mention loving him back.”  
“How did you too managed ?”  
Thor hoped she would not give some pieces of intimate information he was not yet ready to hear.  
“First of all, he didn't touch me. Not until I accepted him. He gave me space and privacy. He tried to spoil me a bit, to indulge me. He knew that I was unhappy at first, friendless and far away from home... He did his best and he found the way to my heart mostly by being himself and not the bloody fiend I saw at first.”  


Thor was both relieved and sour. This story sounded too much like his and Loki's. Except that he hadn't stopped in time. He hadn't thought about ASKING for Loki's hand, killing dragons for him or bringing caskets of...  
And then Thor had THE idea. 

***

When Thor deigned to make an appearance, he didn't look as if he was still mad at Loki.  
It was unsettling. Loki had been left for days to anticipate his fate and it was a grinning and unchanged boar that came to his bedroom door. Thor looked very excited and told Loki to quickly come down.  
He made Loki go into the castle's basements, the dark vaults no one was allowed to go aside from the royal family and the Einherjar. All the while, Thor was happily chatting with a silent and wary Loki.  
“...Can't wait for you to see it ! Your father and mine made a fuss about it. But I don't understand why you can't have it. It used to be yours ! And...”  
Loki was not paying attention. He dreaded being alone with Thor in an unknown place where he had no clues about the location of the exits.  
Then Thor turned at a large corridor where several items were displayed on altars. Loki recognized some of them as very rare and dangerous artifacts considered gone or destroyed a long time ago. In fact, Odin possessed enough magical devices to blow away the whole nine realms. Loki didn't know what was more scary, that Odin had them in his possession or that he never used them in his battles ? 

And then he saw it. 

The Casket of Ancient Winters, glowing blue in the center of the room. 

Loki felt a jump in his heart. 

Still grinning Thor grabbed the precious relic and offered it to Loki as if it was a bunch of roses or a box of chocolates.  
“Here, beloved. You should have it. I took it from you and now I am giving it back to you.”  
Loki felt a terrible hammer pondering his chest.  
“Why ?” His voice was horribly tight and hoarse.  
Thor smiled sadly.  
“To make amends. I took you away from your home, from your land, from everything you knew and imposed you my love. I thought that if I started to give you back some pieces of your former life, you would be less displeased...”  
Loki put trembling hands on the golden carved handles. The power started to hum through his hands, the most delightful feeling he had since he got into Asgard.  
“Loki, I want you to know I would do anything for you just to be happy. I know you can't even like me right now but...”  
Loki didn't hear the continuous babbling. All that he was aware of was that Thor had given him the key to the total annihilation of Asgard. 

In a second, Loki was nothing but hatred, anger and thirst for revenge.

It could be so easy. Loki would freeze the whole place and kill as many people as possible to get out of the palace and then destroy and turn into ice as much as he could and consequences be damned.  
Maybe it was due to the Casket. Loki always suspected it had a mind on its own and it wasn't kind. But he didn't care. What he wanted was payback in the same bloody and destructive way his life had been ruined. He was going to turn Asgard into a field of ruins and ice. 

Starting with the stupid oaf. 

Loki handled the Casket firmly in front of him. Its power went back to life with a roaring joy. Loki could feel it in his hands. It wanted out, it wanted death, completion and mayhem. He directed it towards Thor, its first victim. 

About to strike the lethal blow, Loki raised his head and saw Thor smile. 

Thor never knew that simple, unique smile saved his life and his country. 

For at that precise moment, Thor looked exactly like his mother Queen Frigga. He had that same sweet smile she made when she tried to reassure Loki. Queen Frigga who always tried to be kind, to make Loki feel safe and comfortable, the only one to really care about Loki's feelings. 

How could he kill her son, her only child, that had her smile ?  
How could he thank her for her many kindnesses by destroying her realm, her home, by threatening her life ? 

He couldn't. As much as he hated Thor sometimes, Loki couldn't help but remember who bore him into this world. And deep inside he didn't think that, being that woman's son and raised by her, Thor could be that bad. He took more after her than he did his repulsive father. 

No, he couldn't do that to her... To him. 

He just let go. He heard a faraway scream of rage and disappointment that seemed to come from the Casket. 

“Thank you Thor. But I don't think your father would be glad to know it is in my hands. We should just leave it for now.”  
And maybe Laufey had demanded it to Odin as Price of War. That was why Farbauti had insisted on the wedding to be quickly made and consummated. They might not have said all about it but they might have told enough to give Odin suspicions.  
His life against the Casket. That was all their son meant for Laufey and Farbauti. Strangely, Loki didn't care anymore. Yet, he had chosen to spare Thor but, if his mind was now at peace, his heart wasn't.  
Thor pouted. “Are you sure ? It looks like you care for it.”  
“I do. But I know where it is so it is not as if I had lost it...”  
Loki hoped to close the subject. These were too dangerous grounds. Thor nodded as if agreeing for now. Then he took Loki's hands and took a very serious air. What now ? Thought Loki.  
Thor sighed, gently massaging the deep blue hands. Loki surprisingly found this touch quite... tolerable. 

“Do you hate me ?” 

The question was indeed a surprise to Loki. He didn't really know how to respond to that. It seemed that the discussion with Thor he had tried to avoid was about to begin. Loki chose to confront the problem. 

“How am I supposed to answer to that, Thor ?” He said without bitterness. “In a way, yes, maybe... As you said, you took me away and you turned my life upside down. But on the other hand...” Loki gulped. This was one of the hardest thing he had to say. “You have been so kind since I have been sick. You could have been more cruel... So, I cannot say I seriously hate you...” 

Since I cannot hate you enough to kill you, thought Loki.

Thor pursed his lips and nodded. He didn't look satisfied but he seemed glad his efforts had gained him some credit.  
“Loki... Do you think you could at least like me someday ? That maybe you can come to trust me ?”  
Thor's eagerness in his eyes was painful to Loki. He then decided to tell him the whole truth. It couldn't make the situation even worse. 

“Thor, right now I can't even love the family I was born into. Maybe they had no choice but, to me, it feels like I have been sold and abandoned to my fate in Asgard by the very ones that should have protected me. And now I can't love nor like anyone, not because I resent them, but because... It's... I'm just...” 

Loki didn't know how to explain what was wrong with him. Thor encouraged him with a wondering look. 

“I am EMPTY, Thor. I have a beating heart but there is nothing but ashes inside. I can't feel anything anymore. I am alive, I breathe but I am not LIVING.”  
Unconsciously, as if to make a point, he took Thor's hand and made it rest on the place where the heart was beating.  
“See ? It still beats but there is nothing. Nothing but broken parts, coldness and ashes... I am worse than a frost giant, I am MADE of ice now...”  
Thor's hand was trembling very lightly. It was hard for him not to grab Loki and kiss him right here and now. But that moment of trust was so very fragile, fluttering as a butterfly and Thor didn't want to ruin everything. He put his hand over Loki's. 

“In that case... Let me find your ashes, let me dig for your embers. Let me rekindle your fire with mine. It is strong enough for two. Feel it.”  
And with that he took Loki's other hand and put it on his left breast. He knew his heart was ponding at the light touch.  
“See ? Feel how it burns. It can find the way to your heart and warm it anew. At least, let me try.”  
Loki smiled sadly and felt something like compassion for Thor.  
“You may. But very soon you'll find you have wedded a cold, soulless burden...”  
They remained like this. Thor's right hand on Loki's left breast and Loki's own right hand on the left side of Thor's chest. Thor wanted to kiss Loki fully and more but contented himself with a tiny peck on his brow.  
“Then, we have a deal. But you are to be my burden as I will be yours...”  
This, you are definitely going to be... Said Loki to himself, still smiling, this time without sarcasm or bitterness. 

 

***

From this moment, Loki and Thor had a peaceful rapport with a certain measure of trust and respect. He wasn't angry against Thor anymore but it still was painful to live this situation.  
He had dreaded the tediousness of the wedding and it had not disappointed him in its useless grandeur. 

Finally the priest terminated the final spells that would bind Thor to Loki and Loki to Thor. Thor had waited for this moment a long time but now he wasn't even sure he was ready, nor if Loki was. Probably not. And yet...  
His heart was ponding with joy. A joy that was tarnished by knowing that Loki did not feel the same. That Loki was probably imagining being chained to an unwanted mate and imprisoned for life. Thor wanted nothing more than to grab Loki, to smother him with kisses and caresses so much that he would finally respond to Thor's passion. Yet Thor knew that now patience was the key and he had to leave Loki alone. Thor couldn't even believe the first moments of his own wedding would be spent pleasuring himself, all alone, as if he was still an inexperienced youth. How ironical it was. Thor found it in himself to sneer. 

Loki endured the banquet, the abundant food that made him sick, the endless congratulatory speeches, noises, music and dances that gave him migraines... He was literally about to doze on his plate. The stress and adrenalin that helped him to stay awake the whole day and night was quietly abandoning him. Thor remarked that he barely kept his eyes open.  
“Do you wish to retire ?” He asked Loki.  
Hearing that, Loki didn't want to sleep any more. Instead he blanched, knowing what this leaving of the feast would mean.  
“Yes.” He simply breathed.  
Better get on with it and get rid of it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello there ! Sorry it took so long but it was a really hard chapter to write... I decided to cut the wedding night scene into two chapters (too much to say) this is only the apetizer ! I hope you all will like it !

Loki rose to his feet. He hoped no one saw how trembling he was. Now was the dreaded moment. He rose from his seat, followed by Thor. 

“And now the newlyweds shall retire.” Brusquely, the herald had hailed out of the blue, none too discreetly. 

Oh, for Norns' sake... Thought Loki in anger and dismay. How about “My noble Ladies and Lords, the Mighty Thor is about to pop the little Jötunn's cherry, right in front of you, on this very table. Feast your eyes !”   
Loki gritted his teeth. He was enraged by the unexpected public announcement. He could feel his cheeks burning and his eyes filling. No way. He was not going to cry like a baby and make a tantrum for their pleasure. There were laughs, although not too loud (the King and Queen were still watching and not with indulgence) but mostly applause and wishes of prosperity. Loki had never felt that embarrassed and ashamed in his life. Everyone was cheering his upcoming deflowering and Thor's good fortune.

Yet said Thor was making a grimace that showed Loki he had been trying for a quiet exit and didn't like the publicity either. This soothed Loki a little bit.   
“Ready ?” murmured Thor. “Let's give them a show. We'll be left alone after that.”  
And before Loki could say anything, Thor grabbed him by under his knees and his shoulders and carried him, bridal style (of course...) to the main doors. The crowd became frantic and burst into applause. It made Loki even more embarrassed but it allowed him to hide his face against Thor's shoulder and not to see the drunkards that were encouraging Thor to “do a proper job.”  
It also allowed Loki to shed some tears of humiliation without Thor or anyone seeing it.   
Loki wished it was dawn already and all this dreadful ordeal done and gone. 

****

They were escorted to their new chambers. Loki had to resign himself to this too, the loss of his privacy. He was to share his life and premises with Thor. The few things he had from Jötunheim had already been settled in their new apartments. Thor and Loki had chosen the disposition of the rooms. Thor had even let Loki take the main decisions so he could feel more at home. It helped but not that much.   
Once the servants left them and closed the doors, Loki felt like he was trapped inside a tomb...

He was shivering in the middle of the grand bridal room, covered with flowers, silk ribbons and velvet tapestries, a heavy tray of various delicacies to eat and drink had been prepared just in case and a ravenous fire had been lit. There already was a warm bath in the water room and anyway, there was a bell to call the servants back if anything was needed.   
If it wasn't for what was about to happen, Loki would have felt quite comfortable. Thor was not moving, nor talking. He was standing at the entrance, his back on the closed door, his arms folded behind his back. His expression was neutral, as if he expected a sign from Loki to come closer. Yet, Loki felt as if Thor was blocking the exit to prevent him from running away. It was deeply upsetting.   
Let's get on with it so we can sleep... He bitterly thought. 

Loki started to undress, avoiding Thor's eyes. The latter was still standing at the door, apparently. Loki gulped.  
“Where are they ?” He finally demanded, eyes turning to Thor.   
“Who ?” demanded Thor. Loki noticed his voice was a little hoarse.   
“The public. Are they coming ?”  
Thor looked at Loki in a puzzled way, clearly not understanding the question. Loki had a moment of impatience. This situation was hard enough with Thor playing the fool's part.   
“The people who are to attend our bedding, Thor ! The one who are to see us while you are… we are...” He stopped, it was too much.   
Thor opened his mouth wide. It made him look very stupid.   
“Wait a minute, are you thinking that we are supposed to have a public bedding ceremony with witnesses to drool on us copulating ?”   
Thor was about to laugh. Loki's mouth tasted sour at hearing the word “copulating.” It was not funny at all, why was he mocking Loki ? He now laughed out loud and reached Loki to pull him into his arms, before he could protest.   
“Oh, sweetheart ! Oh, my beloved ! You really thought I was going to allow such disgrace ? There is no such thing as public beddings anymore ! It is so crass !”  
Loki was startled.   
“But in Jötunheim, they said...”  
“There isn't anymore.” Cut Thor. “It was already abolished long before King Bor, my own grandfather, was even born ! You don't have to worry, my sweet, no one will disturb us and no one is going to have a say in what we want to do… Or not do.”  
Loki felt a huge relief, not only because of the fact no one would glare at him, disgraced under Thor, but also, and more, because Thor was giving him an opportunity to be left in peace.   
He hadn't dared to even hope that would happen. 

“Thank you.” Loki meant it. He allowed himself to lay his brow on Thor's chest. Not knowing that touch was slowly breaking Thor's resolve to let Loki lead.   
Thor wasn't blind and he wasn't so infatuated with himself to believe Loki would fall into his arms the first night. Yet, It was almost vexing that he actually had so little trust in Thor and believed there was such things as witnesses to a wedding night. He only wanted to grab Loki and throw him onto the bed and ravish him until he passed away. He had dreamed of it, fantasized about it almost since the day they met. But it would be a disaster if Thor let his basic impulses win over the best of him.   
So he took a deep breath and mentally said to “little Mjölnir” to go down, there's a good boy.

“But, won't everyone ask questions ?” demanded Loki. Political weddings were a public affair whether the two parties wanted it or not. Its possible consummation and hypothetical fertility were crucial and might lead to diplomatic difficulties.  
“They won't until a good, long time.” Thor answered. Until they realize Loki is still not pregnant or, worse, that he is still a virgin, he thought. But Thor was confident it would give him sufficient time to seduce Loki. Kids were not the number one priority for Thor.   
“We'll think about all this later...” Concluded Thor. “What we need is a good bath and a good night sleep. Then, we'll see in the morning.”

****

Loki had undressed and freed himself from the heavy garment.   
It was a relief, being able to wash himself from the sweat of tiredness and angst, to feel clean and light again. The warm bath with scented and medicinal herbs was simply divine. If Loki had only knew that his fears were groundless, he wouldn't have been so terrified and exhausted. He was about to doze in the warmness but he had to be careful not to fall asleep in the heat. He stretched his sore legs and his swollen feet in the water and sighed. It was heavenly...   
Until he heard the door of the bath open, a growling, well-known voice yawning “Norns, what a day...” There was a clank of metal breastplates abandoned on the ground and clothes thrown carelessly everywhere, the sound of soaping and scrubbing. Thor had undressed and was starting to wash himself before relaxing in the bath. And he wasn't too discreet about it.   
If we are to live together... Loki thought. ... He'll have to learn how to clean his mess afterward !  
Loki was trying to hide his real worries behind trivia. And this particular worry was the idea of Thor naked, and naked while Loki was also naked... 

Until now, he never thought about Thor having a body. Thor was a concrete menace but he wasn't something real, physical, sensual... He wasn't something that Loki could touch or be touched by it (other than by force). He was more danger than actual flesh and blood.   
And now, that idea turned into actual form was about to bathe in the same water as Loki's and it was unsettling to say the least. For the first time in his life, Loki was disturbed by the feel of his own naked skin, his own frailty. Frost giants were not prude but Aesir were unknown to Loki, in the end... He made himself smaller against the bath's marble white tiles. 

A shadow moved on the left and Thor appeared in his full glory.   
He was drying his freshly cleaned hair with a towel, eyes closed and breathing heavily. He was walking around the steaming pool, unaware of Loki's scrutiny.   
Loki was overwhelmed.   
Thor was white and gold, perfectly sculpted and tall. It was hard to find the tiniest defect in him. He was scary because he looked too PERFECT, too REAL. Until then, Loki never had the slightest hint of how Thor looked under the layers of metal and cloth he used to wear. This was a little too much in the same time.   
He was glowing, so easy in his own skin, so superior to many Loki had seen, superior even to...

No. Not to think of him. Ever. Period. 

And certainly not while Thor was around, unconsciously spreading his virile frame. Loki was growing uncomfortable. He was aware his attitude was ambiguous to say the least but he couldn't really help it.   
Of course, Thor had eventually realized Loki was detailing him. He could almost feel his gaze, like a caress on his back, bottom and legs... He then took his time, moving slowly, letting Loki appreciate his form. Thor was quite confident Loki was, at least, impressed and he put on a show to seduce his unwilling new husband. He put his hands in his hair, pretending to tie them, only to display his broad shoulders and sculpted waist, he walked around lazily, only to show how his muscles in action were enticing... Thor felt a little ridiculous, like a girlish maiden teasing her lover. But, hell, if it worked...

He finally cast a glance under his lashes (he hoped it looked languorous enough...). Loki was petrified and his blue cheeks had turned indigo.   
“Like what you see ?” smiled Thor and he turned around so Loki could observe his whole front.   
And he was rewarded by a sheer look half of surprise, half of horror... Loki opened his mouth and then closed it, completely stunned.   
“Your... Your...” He babbled, pointing towards the space between Thor's legs. The Thunderer blushed a little and mistook the reason of Loki's fright.   
“Oh... This. My... size.” He covered his “little Mjölnir” with one hand, trying to minimize its importance. Thor knew he was much bigger than the average Aesir. If it had ultimately given him a reputation as an exceptional lover, it had been more a source of ridicule, troubles and hurt than pride at the beginning of his sexual life. 

“Don't worry, sweetheart. I know it is a... problem but I am always very careful ! Trust me !” He gave an awkward smile that wanted to be reassuring.   
Loki shook his arms, clearly frustrated and stressed.   
“No, no, not that ! I mean, where… Your other parts ! Where are your other parts ?!”  
You could have knocked Thor down with a feather... This was a new one...  
“What do you mean my other parts ?! Are you insane ?” Thor was now vexed without knowing why. “I am complete and fully operational!”   
Loki gave him an incredulous look and rose from the water. Thor had no time to realize he was seeing Loki in the complete nude for the very first time. He was paralyzed by the sight of Loki's own figure and mostly his sex. 

He had never seen anything like this. He knew that Jötunn morphology was very different from Aesir. There was no such thing as male and female gender in Jötunn culture. It was difficult for Frost Giants to understand the Aesir way of reproduction. Now, Thor knew why. He had their uniqueness in front of his very eyes and he find it more surprising than ugly.

Jötunn were hermaphrodites, though they did not even grasp the meaning of the word for, to them, their state was the norm. They had both a penis and a vagina hidden underneath. No other race in the Nine Realms had this particularity. At the dawn of time, they were first mistook as only males and suspected to kidnap females from other countries (the only crime they never committed...). In fact, they could carry a child as well as giving one to another Jötunn. There were no real notion of “mother” or “father” for, in one family, children could be carried by either one or the other parent.   
Thor remembered what Loki had told him about his own parents. That Farbauti had carried Loki first, then Helblindi. But as he grew tired of child-birthing and in risk of a difficult pregnancy, it was Laufey who bore Býleistr. Consequently, Býleistr was the only one of the three sons to call Laufey “Dam” instead of “Sire.” Some wicked tongues in Jötunheim had said (behind the royal couple's back, of course) that there was something wrong with Farbauti since he had only produced a runt and a fool while Laufey had made a perfect Jötnar prince. Loki thought it might explain Farbauti's bitterness towards his own children. That he was probably the one behind Loki's and Thor's arranged marriage.

Thor was mesmerized by Loki's nudity. It was more than he had hoped for. It would be hard to simply approach him now for a single touch could mar such blue perfection.   
“You are beautiful...” He murmured, so low that Loki didn't hear.   
He awoke from his admiration seeing Loki's distraught face.   
“Look at you !” shrieked Loki. “How are you supposed to carry children with this single... thing ?”   
Thor sighed. Here came the difficult conversation.   
“Loki, my love. I am not going to carry children. It is not that I don't want to. I simply can't.”  
Loki looked at him, all disbelief.  
“You are, beloved.”  
Loki opened his mouth again.  
“I... I don't understand.”  
Thor took a deep breath and picked his words carefully.  
“Sweetheart, I know how your people work but this is not the way it is done here. There is two genders, one male, the other female. I am a male.” He put a hand to his penis and another on his flat, muscled chest. “I have this... sort-of snake and no breasts. The female have breasts to feed their children and a… cave in which the snake goes to lay its egg...” He stopped, his explanation sounded really stupid. “You have a cave, beloved and I don't. Simple as that.”

Loki's face fell and Thor simply hated the absurdity of their current situation. No one took care of teaching Loki about those things, not even Farbauti, Laufey or Frigga. This was terribly embarrassing.   
“I... see.” Murmured Loki. “Somehow I knew it would go like this. You'll... penetrate me and I'll have to give you an heir, or rather, several...” Now, he looked unhappy. “I'll spent my life getting pregnant and giving birth...” Loki looked ready to break down.

Thor was about to protest when he remembered something. Frigga had given him a flask containing a particular potion she regularly used.   
“Mother had thought about it. A long time ago, she made a special beverage that allowed her and her ladies not to conceive for several months. No matter how many times we would make love, there wouldn't be any babe before at least six months or even more. All the Aesir women use it when they don't want to conceive.” He gave the flask to Loki.   
Loki flushed again. It was the fact that Thor considered this... act as “making love.” It was embarrassing but not in a disagreeable way. He took the flask.   
“So, you are telling me...”  
“What I am saying is I haven't married you for the sole purpose of having an heir. I mean... I would be very happy to have a child with you. But not until things are settled down between us...” Thor breathed. “I love you, Loki. I want you to love me back, even if I know it doesn't happen like that. I love you since the day I forced your parents' castle. I know that I have been a jerk, that I had hurt you badly, but, as I have said and said, and said...”  
While Thor talked, Loki played with the flask a bit and opened its cork. After considering and sniffing its content, he drank it in one gulp. He made a grimace, it was really bitter.   
Thor was open-mouthed.   
Loki made a shy, awkward smile. “So, what now ?”

****

It was as if all Thor had ever wanted was handed out to him on a silver plater. He remembered one of his name days, when he was very small. There were too many presents at the same time so he had stayed there, petrified, not knowing which one to open.   
Sometimes, you finally received what you have always wanted and you remained stupid and paralyzed because you had no idea what to do with it. 

Loki stepped back into the water to go to Thor. He was scared to death. And Thor's brutal silence didn't help. He hoped Thor didn't see he was starting to shiver.   
He went to Thor who was still silently staring at him and gave him an awkward peck on the mouth. Loki felt as if they were children trying to imitate adults. The tension was becoming heavy.   
“Please, Thor. One of us has to do something...” He murmured, unable to raise his eyes to Thor. 

And, all of a sudden, Loki found himself crushed against a rock-hard chest, locked into wall-like arms, his face scraped by a three-days-old beard and Thor's mouth on his, in his, as branding as the two previous times Loki had already felt it.   
Loki had to nail himself onto the powerful shoulders not to fall into water. It was as if his body had given up, surrendered to the demanding caresses. Loki hoped he was not going to faint like a stupid virgin (which he was, in a way...) but it was too much. 

And deep inside his mind, a sarcastic voice told him that THAT was something he had never felt with his precious Angrbodr. Ever.   
The voice disappeared when Thor left Loki's mouth to bite and assault Loki's offered throat. 

He is devouring me alive... Loki thought. And I can't believe I almost want him to. 

It was as if Loki had split his mind in two. One being a distant observer disregarding the other who was almost ready to accept the Oaf's urges.   
Because Loki started to feel unknown things, a warmth in his belly he had never experienced, a certain hunger in his mouth and hands for the feel of Thor's skin... And deep down, one part of him was becoming wet while the other was starting to grow hard. It couldn't be. It simply couldn't...  
Thor chuckled. His hand left Loki's back to reach for Loki's parts. Loki gave out a yelp of surprise. He went instantly rigid, incapable of swatting Thor's hand away. His nervousness went a step higher, preventing him to talk. No one had ever touched him down there...  
“Looks like my Loki's flower is ready to bloom...” Thor gave a predatory smile and growled. “I want to taste its sap...”

Before Loki could protest, he found himself laid on the edge of the pool, on the white marble tiles. Loki wanted to say that it was hard and cold and that he preferred the bed but no sound came. Thor took it as a yes.   
Loki was spread on the tiles, his thighs caught and held still by Thor's hands. He couldn't move. He only had the strength to grab the pool's edge and keep his eyes on the carved ceiling. He didn't want to see Thor's blond head going up and down between his blue legs, doing... whatever he was doing with his mouth. 

No one had warned Loki about sex. No one had told him it could be shared and very pleasurable, even when you are not really in love with your partner. That it was more than simple penetration. That desire and sentiments could be two different things. Frigga thought he was already aware of it so she had said nothing. Loki was adamant that, as Thor and him were not marrying for love (at least on Loki's part), their bed would be as cold, empty and depressing as the great icy moors. Loki only loved Angrbodr (or so he thought he had...), not Thor, so nothing agreeable could come out of an intercourse with the Oaf, right ? Right ?   
Wrong. 

Thor was rolling his tongue in Loki's inner cleft then on Loki's shaft, alternately. It was as if he knew Loki's body better than its owner. He teased a certain place Loki had no idea it existed only to send brutal shock waves in his groin, thighs, and tip of his fingers. Loki arched his back without realizing it. His hips were rolling in sync with Thor's tongue and it wasn't consciously made. He couldn't really stop it and it infuriated him.  
Thor lapped, suckled, bit, engulfed... Loki had a ragged breath, his fingers had turned white from holding the edge, his eyes were rolling everywhere except the place between his legs where he was gently tortured. It was too much, too soft, too brutal, too burning, too...

And it happened. It crushed Loki's body and mind like thunder. 

Loki knew about orgasms, having them by himself, but this was... different.   
He was panting, trying to control his heart, still locked in his helpless position when Thor came up to lie on him, looking quite proud with himself. Loki would have gladly slapped him if he didn't have to raise a hand for it. 

“Alright, sweetheart ? You are quite sensitive.”  
Bastard... Loki thought. It was so embarrassing to have surrendered like this... Because of someone's skillful tongue... He felt tears in his eyes. No way he was going to cry for such a silly thing. Unfortunately, he did.   
Thor grabbed him and Loki found himself once more hugged to the large, solid chest. Loki wondered if Thor intended to smother him with affection. The thought made him smile.   
“Beloved, what's wrong ? Too much ? Not enough ?”   
Loki laughed softly.   
“Bit too late to ask for my opinion, don't you think ?”  
Thor laughed in turn.   
“Then, how is your Royal Highness ? Is your Grace satisfied ?” And he made a sort of mock reverence with his free arm. Loki laughed harder through his tears. Sometimes, it was hard to be angry against Thor for very long. He had a way to obtain what he wanted in the end.  
“His Grace is fine but wants the bed, Thor. My back hurt and the floor is cold.” 

****

Thor grabbed him again and carried him to the huge bridal room. Loki didn't like being carried like a child but he chose to indulge Thor. The Oaf was in a caring, happy mood and as gentle as Loki needed him to be.   
Once they've been dried and settled on the furs. Thor lazily held his head on one of his elbow, apparently not going to do the first step, silently considering Loki's naked form. It was unsettling.   
“I've thought about it, you know... Many times. You and I in a bed, on our own...”  
Sorry I didn't reciprocate... Loki bitterly thought.   
“I want to ask you a question...” Thor continued. “And I am quite sure I shouldn't ask it and I will regret your answer but...”  
“Ask your question.” Cut Loki, annoyed.  
“Are you a virgin ?”

Loki flushed in a terribly dark shade of indigo.   
“ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME ?! Of course I am, you big idiot ! How could I ever mate with a normal Frost Giant ?!”  
Thor fretted. Deep inside, he couldn't help but be secretly happy about being Loki's first lover. And yet, he wasn't really reassured.   
“I am sorry. But... I can't help but wonder... Do you miss someone back there in Jötunheim?”  
Loki went calmer but silent. Somehow, the conversation was awkward but relieving. Talking about Angrbodr, even remotely, was sort of appeasing. Loki would never see him again but Thor will know he had existed. Like this, Angrbodr would feel less like a dream and remain real. Loki, to his secret despair, had recently realized it was getting harder to remember Angrbodr's features. Besides, Thor (and his amazingly long list of personal conquests which made his prying into Loki's life really hypocritical) would remember not to take Loki for granted.   
“I do. I ... did.”  
Thor took a minute to think this over.   
“Did you love him ?”  
“I did.”  
Thor was not exactly angry but seriously displeased. If you two loved each other so much, he wanted to say, then why is he not here save you and personally confront me like a warrior should ? Why is he not already offering my head to you ? But he knew better than say it aloud. He wanted to ask if Loki still loved him but that was also very dangerous grounds. Besides, Thor could not pretend he was totally pure, innocent and in his rights.

“Do not pout, Thor. It is over, anyway.”  
“Your face is sad.” Grumbled Thor.  
“What do you mean ?”  
“I know you, despite all you can think. When you try to say reassuring things to me, your eyes are sad. There is like a cloud on your face. It was obvious the first days I know you. It has gone recently but it keeps coming back from time to time...”  
Are you still thinking of him, Thor wanted to yell. Are you imagining yourself in his arms when I am holding you ?   
Loki was confused. Thor could be full of surprise.   
And guess what ? Came again the sarcastic voice deep in Loki's mind. That precious Angrbodr of yours never said anything like that...

Loki put his arms around his child-like-acting husband. He wanted to shut his doubts and Thor's whims. He was not ready for such a conversation raising such risky questions...  
“Am I not here, anyway ? Isn't it what really matters in the end ?”  
Thor answered by gently laying down Loki on the furs and straddling him. He wasn't proud of it, but it seemed that a little emotional blackmail could work on his reluctant spouse.  
“Then... Can we finish what we started ?” Thor lowered his eyes to Loki's legs. “You looked like you liked it...”  
Loki smiled, perfectly aware of Thor's little scheme. And, oh, well... Better get on with it. Loki didn't feel any fear nor tension, now. As if saying the truth had lifted his inhibitions. Thor even seemed cute in his childish jealousy. Again, he had a way to obtain what he wanted, even by very weird and unlawful means... It made him endearing. Strangely.   
“Yes, sweet fool. We can.”  
And he closed his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MAN ! Ladies and gentlemen, the previous chapter was hard enough but this one was a BITCH ! PLease, tell me I haven't screwed up... Thank you all !

It was as if hundreds of hands were touching him at the same time, caressing him thoroughly and making him shiver.   
As if Thor had multiplied to explore each part of Loki's naked skin, to discover each and everyone of his secret places. Places he didn't know were that sensitive like the inside of his wrists or up his hipbones... It made Loki moan and whimper, writhing on the covers, incapable of protesting.

It was a little weird. Loki was laying naked on the furs, motionless, vulnerable to the tender assaults. He kept receiving while Thor, careful but hungry, kept endlessly giving. Loki had lost the notion of time. It must have been only minutes of this treatment but it felt like hours.   
Curiously, Loki didn't really mind. He was quite comfortable with the idea of being Thor's toy, just for a while.   
He had hated Thor, feared him, wished for his death., ignored and despised him... And now this former foe was making him bite his lower lip. And Loki was eager to let him do whatever he wanted to do to him.   
If the Jötunn still had a functioning brain, he would be infuriated, would have knocked Thor down to the ground and run away. Alas, Thor was doing that THING again, with his mouth between Loki's legs. Besides preventing Loki from thinking, it was unsettling. How could Thor appreciate having someone's private parts in his mouth ? And where had he learned that ? Was it the Aesir way of making love ? There were such strange people with their compartmented “genders.” Why was Thor taking so much time to do such a simple deed as is penetration ? 

Most of all, why was Loki enjoying it so much till the point he was almost ready to beg ?

“Please ...” Loki managed to whimper. It was a bit humiliating but he was slowly losing his common sense.   
“Not yet, love, you are not ready...” came Thor's muffled voice and he resumed his licking on Loki's tender slit. Loki almost screamed.   
Stop, please, go on, no, no, not that, yes, continue, like that, harder, harder, yes....   
The words were stuck in Loki's mouth as his thoughts were rolling and tumbling in his poor brain. Thor was biting a very tiny and special place in Loki's slit and he almost screamed. Instead he gasped, arched his back and held back his tears.   
He wasn't Loki, the composed and brilliant prince, anymore. He was a struggling nameless creature, overwhelmed by a world of unsuspected sensations. And Thor was orchestrating the whole set. 

“You are so wet...” Thor chuckled. “Like a fountain... So fresh and responsive.”   
He licked his fingers with a smug smile, contemplating his brand new lover-husband's confusion.   
“You are going to be a feast, my love. I'll feed on you for days and nights.” He crawled so he could top Loki and looked at him in the eyes to show he meant business. “I'll teach you everything, sweet, sweet Loki. You'll never get enough of me. Promise...”  
Smart ass... sneered from far away what was left of Loki's consciousness.  
“And yet...” Panted Loki. “You have... only... teased me... so far...”   
Thor stopped then made a slow grin that he probably wanted to be sexy but was in fact a little scary...  
“You'll be thankful for the teasing, my love. I plan to do a lot of dirty things to you...” He leaned to whisper in Loki's ears. “Have you in every position, in every way imaginable, in every place, the chambers, the halls, the vaults, the kitchens... Even on the throne... Would you like that ?”  
Loki was too gone to answer that. It was as if Thor's voice and hands were the only reality in this blur.   
Thor went back to reality for a moment. He couldn't believe his luck, how Loki was pliable and willing. He had dreamed and fantasized about it for so many wet nights. Yet, it only implied his own fancy, not Loki's.   
What Thor really wanted was Loki's want and need of him. Not his meek obedience. What proof did he have that Loki really desired all of what Thor was ready to do ?   
The pause made Loki stir. He opened his eyes and looked at Thor's perplexed face. Loki just put his arms around his husband's neck.   
“What is it, now ?” Loki sluggishly wondered. “Having second thoughts ? Is the Mighty Thor unsure of his glorious abilities ?”   
Thor could have been angered at such words. Yet, Loki said them with such a lazy smile and such fondness that Thor understood it was more tender leg-pulling than sarcasm. It reassured Thor about Loki's state of mind.   
“Oh, no, sweetheart. But you'll be sorry for asking. Now, turn around.” 

*****

Loki had a mouthful of satin pillows in his mouth and was biting it in desperation.   
No one had ever told him about the possibilities of sex, not to mention lovemaking. Intercourse were for married couples to make children. Period. Farbauti was rather prudish and bitter to the subject. He avoided any question his children could have. Loki wondered what this kind of denying attitude said about his parents' own marriage.   
Well, to Farbauti's defense, no Jötunn ever thought of putting his tongue in... this place. 

Loki moaned into the martyred pillow when Thor thrust his said tongue more aggressively into... said place. More and more inside. How could he ? How could he ? It was worse than the mouth-between-the-legs. Soon Loki wouldn't have any voice left to protest. And how could it feel so... thrilling ? It was so physical and crude. How could it feel … rather good ?   
In one evening, Loki thought, I've had the Scourge Offspring, the Jötunn Killer's face between my thighs and my buttocks. How grand is that ?   
Thor pulled out, though Loki could not see it. He felt half relieved, half disappointed. He laid fully on Loki, using his imposing body weight. Loki was a little crushed but also felt curiously safe.   
“You are so tight... In either way, front or back, there is a sweet resistance. You need to relax, love. I might enjoy the tightness but I am sure you won't like THIS ...” He took Loki's hand and directed it to softly touch his cock. “... Taking you fully.”

Loki brutally shivered. It was the first time he touched Thor directly and, this time, it was disagreeable. He had seen Thor's “snake”, knew its size but its feel was different. Hard and soft, large and a bit slippery like an actual snake. Loki didn't like this at all. He realized that he accepted Thor exploring him and more but didn't want to touch him back. Why ? It wasn't logical. He didn't want this monster in his mouth or to put his mouth elsewhere on Thor's body the way he did to him. He was ready to be whatever Thor wanted him to be but he wouldn't reciprocate. This fact made Loki sad. 

Thor was now working his fingers inside Loki's front opening. “So much like a woman...” Thor murmured. “And yet so manly. So graceful, delicate and yet so strong... You are perfect. You deserved to be worshiped.”   
Slowly, while Loki was forcing himself a bit to give Thor's “Little Mjölnir” awkward petting, Thor caressed Loki's female part under his male ones, and teased it until he found the entrance.   
He carefully slipped a finger. Loki hissed.   
It was weird, really, really weird. The first penetration ever. It wasn't painful but it was uncomfortable. The finger felt too big. Thor started massaging and easing the way.   
“Breathe, love, breathe...” He cooed.   
“Easier said than done...” Murmured Loki. “You are not the one who is going to bleed...”   
This was bitterly said. Thor kissed Loki again. It helped. Loki was too focused on Thor's tongue to mind his fingers.   
“Stop thinking about the pain. It is not only that... It can be... Like this.”  
And Thor crooked his fingers, hitting a spot inside Loki that made him scream.   
“Right there ?” Asked Thor, smiling, to a shocked Loki. 

The following minutes were only slow movements, grunts, groans, and moans. Thor took his time, adding the fingers, each one making Loki cringe. Yet, it was less weird, more than bearable in fact...  
“Thor, please...” Loki breathlessly murmured.  
“Do you wish to come, love ?”   
Loki shook his head violently. He was ready this time and he was scared that he had less strength by the minute with the sweet ministrations Thor was giving him.   
“Are you sure, darling ?” Thor looked less self-confident, now that he was to accomplish the last (and yet first) act.   
“YES !” Loki lowered his voice, conscious that the tension was hitting his nerves. “Yes, Thor, I am sure. Please.”

Thor took a breath. He left Loki to position them both. Loki was spread-eagled under Thor. He had his hands on his shoulders. He could feel Thor's increasing pulse on his neck. He was probably stressed out too.   
“I do not want to hurt you, I want it to be good to you.” It was almost as if he was already apologizing for the discomfort.   
“You won't. I trust you.” He caressed Thor's cheek and was surprised to discover he meant it.   
Thor smiled again. Loki felt the tension lift away from them both and kissed Loki again. 

****

Thor had first placed Loki's legs, giving them a caress, just to ensure that Loki was sufficiently relaxed. 

He was feeling exactly like the time he was an inexperienced boy. He used to flirt around the beautiful and powerful Valkyries but not knowing what to do with them. There had been a few laughs about him goofing around. They had let him in their inner circle because he was more like a little brother to them than the Crown Prince and a potential mate.   
His first time had been an accident, after a heated battle, in a spontaneous group sex with several warriors, male and female. Sadly, except for the number of people, it wasn't that exciting. Yet, he admitted that afterwards he developed a kink of after-fight sex he usually satisfied with Sif (and sometimes Fandral tagged along but it would freeze in Hell before Thor told anyone...). And afterwards came his long string of love-affairs and one-night stands. If it gave him experience, it only brought momentary satisfaction.  
And now he felt like a virgin again, in front of his vulnerable, innocent husband. Laying again without a move or a sound and his eyes closed, Loki seemed asleep or dead. Thor needed contact, connection...   
“Love, open your eyes...” He caressed Loki's face. Loki made a grimace that said he was too nervous to look at Thor.   
“Open them for me, my love, I want to see you and I need you to see me...”   
Loki's eyelids fluttered and let ruby-red lights shine under tearful lashes.   
Thor moved forward to give Loki a passionate kiss, while he settled between Loki's legs. He deepened the kiss as Loki was willingly abandoning himself to it. Thor took the advantage of distraction and started to gently push...

It was tight, he knew it was going to be, but he had no idea it could be that tight. Either Loki was too tense or Thor was too excited. He gave Loki a worried look. Loki's eyes were wide open with something like confusion, fear and pain in a mix, his mouth was gaping but mute. Thor would have preferred him to scream at the top of his lungs. This silence and those terrified eyes were the worst.   
“Almost, my love, almost... Breathe, in and out, slowly, breathe...”  
Loki mouthed something like “No, please...” but still without a sound.   
“How I love you, my darling...” Blabbered a panicked Thor. “How beautiful you are... Breathe for me. You're almost there...”  
Loki managed to lowly moan. “Huge...” He faintly gasped.  
“Flattery will get you everywhere, love...” Thor managed to chuckle, despite his exertion and his sweating. Loki made a still soundless but very angry expression that Thor subtitled as “This was not meant as a compliment, you blond oaf !”   
Thor took the advantage of Loki's fit to push even more. There was a tiny last resistance Thor had to tear a bit. Then he felt moistness and he knew it was done. There was going to be a little blood on the sheets. 

Thor had been proud at the idea of being Loki's first. But now, seeing Loki's distraught face, covered with tears, an obvious sight of discomfort and distress, he wished Loki had a few lovers before so everything wouldn't be so complicated and painful.   
“It's done, love. How do you feel ?”  
“Awful...” Loki croaked with a very faint voice. “How can people... like that ?”  
Thor felt like crap. Once upon a time, he would have been glad to inflict such pain to the eldest son of his father's enemies. But this was before falling in love and marrying.   
Yet, the actual predicament won't give Thor any help in winning Loki's love.   
“So, what now ?” Panted Loki. “You will go in and out of me and that will be all ?”  
It was said without anger or resentment. More like a clinical question. For some reason it saddened Thor more than he could tell, this detachment of all physical or emotional relationship.   
Thor sighed. “No, sweetheart. But, you won't enjoy it if you are as stiff as a plank. Breathe and relax.”  
Loki obeyed and took a deep breath. 

****

Thor was moving very slowly first. It was excruciating, not being able to let go, being forced to be the one in control when all he ever wanted was to pound, and pound, and …

But one look at Loki's tortured and quiet face gave him instant self-control. 

Each movement was not so hard as the first. In fact, Loki was not really having any serious pain. But it felt uncomfortable because something big was going in and out of him without any particular sensation. It was the same thing as putting your finger in the nose or the ear. You felt something inside but nothing particular.   
Thor was desperate for a good reaction but wasn't too much optimistic. Loki went from blurry eyes to focus on his husband's worried face.   
“Go on, sweet fool, I am better now.” He encouraged Thor.   
Thor smiled shyly and increased his pace with a guilty relief. Something had calmed down inside Loki. The worst was over. It was not going to be a great night, Loki was too spent. But, he wanted to reward Thor for his care and obvious tenderness. So he chose to lie down, close his eyes, pretend to moan and make Thor happy. He deserved it.

It went on for a little while, Thor moving and panting, Loki trying to match the movement and sighing. They were both breathless and sweating. Thor was feeling terrible pleasure already but he knew it was not the same for Loki. Yet the latter was quietly smiling, more serene than at the beginning. Sometimes a little moan would escape his lips but it seemed a little forced.   
Nonetheless Thor had felt an inner relaxing so he carried on. Truth was that he was now too far gone. He went harder, feeling that nothing was holding him back.

Then something strange happened. 

Loki's calm face changed slowly. First he slightly frowned. Then he opened his eyes wider, clearly startled then confused. He opened his mouth and made a little gasp that surprised Thor. It was clear then that something had changed within Loki.   
Loki started to move easier now. His rhythm was now almost demanding. He was making quick little breathings. He grabbed the sheets with one hand and hold to Thor's neck with the other. He was twisting the fabric, probably for support, but as their movements started to go harder and Loki's pants turned into stunned whimpers (authentic, this time), he reached for the other side of Thor's neck.   
Thor felt a sort of abandon inside Loki. He grabbed him by the waist so he could rest on his chest and shoulder. They were both fighting for air, for more friction, more contact. Loki gave Thor an unexpectedly greedy kiss and strong caresses. The first he ever initiated. Thor let him do it. 

“Oh, yes... Yes, sweet fool...”   
Thor thought he had heard wrong but it was indeed Loki's voice and apparently with a satisfied tone.   
“My Loki looks like he's pretty fine...” Thor murmured, quite happily.   
“Your Loki... Yours...”   
Now, you could have knocked Thor down with a feather. This was such an un-Loki thing to say ! Thor hoped it was meant in earnest and not blurted out in the midst of pleasure. And now, Loki was starting a strange soft chanting Thor half-understood.   
“Yes, yes, like that... Sweet fool, oh, sweet fool...”  
Thor was so overjoyed at this turn of event he decided to let his instincts go. He was now plundering his lover-husband who enthusiastically answered by moving his hips faster.   
“Oh ! Oh ! Thor !”  
In his delight, Thor saw no reason not to comply to Loki's soft pleadings. Except that to one particularly brutal thrust, Loki answered with a terrible scream that made Thor stop instantly.   
“NO ! No ! Don't stop !” Loki slapped Thor's shoulders, obviously in distress.   
“But... Are you okay ? Did I hurt you ?”  
“PLEASE ! Do it again ! Please !”  
Thor was lost there.   
“Do what ? What's wrong with you ?”  
Loki shook his head. He was also at loss with what was happening.   
“I don't know, you... You touched something... It felt so good. Please ?” Loki tightened his legs around Thor's hips in a clear demand. “Please, I'll do whatever you want...”  
Thor thought for a very short while. Then he grabbed Loki to lie him back on the furs, held one of his knees and put it on his shoulder and started a vigorous pounding that made Loki scream anew.   
“No.” Growled Thor. “I'll do whatever YOU want.”

Loki was going up and down, his head rolling on the pillows and his eyes looking far away, lost into some place where only Thor's body existed. He had screamed a lot and now he was just sweetly mewling.   
“Yes, you animal, you glorious beast...” He panted. “Take me, take me...”  
He was smiling a strange, gone smile that made Thor worried a bit about his mental state (the remaining 3 per cent of Thor's brain still in function that was...). But Loki looked so intensely alive he was not worried for very long. Thor was adamant to help Loki find his pleasure. It was such a magnificent fight, locked in one another, being the winner for pleasing the other and the loser to serve him, being the dominant and dominated at once, owning and being owned.   
Thor had never felt anything like that with his other partners. 

“Yes...” He grunted. “I have you, sweetheart, you're mine. Mine to fuck and breed.”  
Thor's mind gave up and he allowed something primal to take charge. He pulled out of Loki, none too gently. Loki answered with a disappointed yelp. Then Thor turned him around and placed him on his arms and legs. Loki was now seriously shaking... Thor didn't know if it was pleasure or fear and, for once in the whole evening, he didn't care.   
He grabbed Loki's hips and penetrated him anew with a terrible vigor. Loki yelled but Thor felt it was not in pain. He even spread his legs wider for better access. Feeling such sweet submission made Thor to lose it completely.   
“Like that, my little Jötunn whore ?” He growled again. “Like to be fucked like a dog or a horse ? Like the feel of my dick in you ?”  
“Yes... Oh, yes...” Again, that faraway voice.   
“My sweet, sweet little Jötunn bitch, my little husband-slave. I swear I will breed you in front of everyone on my coronation day.”   
Deep inside, what was left of Thor's sanity was screaming bloody murder while what was left of Loki's was sneering. So much for romanticism but it would be quite a show if it ever happened.   
“Say it, whore. Say 'Fuck me, Master.' ”   
Thor didn't mean any of these awful words but it was as if he had become someone else. Maybe the one who wanted to rape Loki at first, before he started to change. But now, the victim was an eager participant in a role-play.   
“Fuck me... Master...” Loki purred weakly. 

And all at once it happened. Thor felt himself coming and brutally bit Loki's neck to the point of drawing blood. He came roaring inside his husband. At the same time, both from Thor's pounding and biting, Loki came too. So brutally he shouted and collapsed. 

They must have passed out a bit for Thor felt like he had emerged from a deep darkness.   
He gathered a lifeless Loki and patted his cheek for reaction. It only made him open an eye.   
“Mmh, no slap, you brute...” Loki was clearly half-asleep.   
“Sweetheart, tell me you are all right.”  
“Alllright... Lemme sleep...” Loki protested.   
Thor made a tiny laugh. Loki was apparently fine. He went to look for towels to make them clean a bit. He managed to grab water for him and Loki but it was hard to make him drink while he was dozing off. 

Thor fondly arranged Loki for the remaining of the night. He didn't know what time it was but he was sure dawn was soon to come. It had been an exhausting day and an even extraordinary night.   
As Thor laid down on the bed, he felt Loki crawl against his side.   
“Cold...” he drowsily muttered. “ So cold, Thor...”  
Thor put an arm around Loki's shoulder to pull him close to his chest, heart heavy with joy and contentment. His skin was indeed a bit cool. Loki then settled against Thor's breast, slightly open-mouthed. It made Thor laugh. It looked like a babe falling asleep after suckling his mother's milk.   
I would let him suck from my own nipple if he wanted me too, Thor thought happily. Anything he would want to make him love me...   
Thor felt himself falling asleep. He gladly let himself go. 

Wait... said the remaining of his conscious mind. Did he say “cold” ? How can he be cold ? He is a Jötunn...  
But he was already asleep before going all the way of his reasoning. 

****

Morning came, or rather, noon, for Thor had slept like the dead to wake to the noise of Odin's crows outside. Not the most idyllic of bird songs but there were sacred all the same.   
He moved his arms so as to grab Loki and initiate a second round if he was willing. 

But there was no Loki in the bed. 

Thor knew there was no way he could have escaped the bridal suite without all the servants causing a scene. Newlyweds were supposed to be secluded a few days (even weeks) before going back to court. So he was still there. Thor had just to find him.   
He went up totally naked, silently swanning around the place. He hoped to surprise Loki who was probably bathing, reading, eating or (he didn't dare to hope) basking naked under the midday sun. Or maybe he was a little upset by the last night and simply couldn't face his brand new husband and lover to whom he displayed such a lewd aspect of his inner personality. The pure Jötnar Prince who actually like very, very rough sex.   
Thor tip-toed softly around the premises. No sign of his beloved but he heard sounds coming from the bathroom. Bathing it was. Which meant water, nakedness and maybe a lazy good-morning sex session on the marble tiles. 

Then thinking about the tiles made Thor remember how their night had unexpectedly started in the pool and how Loki had complained that it was hard and cold. Curiously, it made him realize that Loki might not be waiting for his lord-and-master's pleasure but might certainly be wanting for some privacy at last, to clean himself from the remnants of their coupling. 

Thor feared then that Loki could be all alone in the cooling bath, weeping about his lost innocence, another piece of all that he had already lost, or about what Thor did this night that shocked him now that he had a clear mind. Thor realized that Loki had not had a single minute to stop and think about his situation, to digest all that was happening to him that culminated into this strangely shameless night. He needed to be sure Loki was all right. He slowly headed towards the bathroom entrance.

“My looove, where are yooou ?” He softly sang. “You can run but you can't hide. I will find youuu and when I'll get you...”   
Like this, he hoped that, hearing him, Loki would have time to compose himself before Thor's coming. If he didn't want to show his grief. He knew Loki was very reserved for personal matters.   
Thor entered the room and looked everywhere for Loki. 

And right in the middle of the room, in front of the gigantic bronze stand mirror, was a man Thor had never seen before, stark naked. 

He was dark-haired. That silky, ink-black mane was the first thing you saw on him because he had a very pale skin and both made a sharp contrast. He was muscled but slender, indeed as graceful as Loki. Maybe even more, if it was possible. He was staring at his reflection, showing an evident tension. Thor was paralyzed because the scene was definitely surreal.

The man turned around. 

Thor was first hit by two translucent green eyes. As striking as a cat's. He had elegant features, thin reddish lips, regular cheekbones, pointy chin who would all look absolutely attractive if the man was not disfigured by a look of sheer horror. When he looked directly into Thor's eyes, Thor actually KNEW that this was not some anonymous Aesir. 

The man was Loki. 

Loki without his blue skin, without his markings, without his red eyes and with shorter hair. 

Loki who had still his double sex (Thor couldn't help but have a reactive peek) but had now a dust of light body hair, a perfectly pearly skin, softer traits and fathomless green eyes that suited him perfectly. And if it wasn't convincing enough, there was Thor's biting mark from last night on his shoulder...

Loki had turned into an Aesir. 

But Thor knew it was not voluntary when Loki's voice (exactly the same and that was eerie) started slow to escalate into hysterical octaves. 

“Thor, Thor, THOR ! My skin ! My eyes ! My SKIN ! What is WRONG with my SKIN ?!?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And another chapter... Warning for light bondage ! I did it in a little bit of hurry so tell me if they are any mistakes.

How quick can you fall from grace to hell? How fast can you ruin everything? Even if you have done nothing wrong, how can you still do it wrong ANYWAY? Thor was starting to think that someone had cursed him. 

Loki was a mess. He was hiding under several layers of furs, shivering like a leaf and desperately mute. The servants were standing in a composed manner but they were totally useless. Frigga, called by her frantic son, and her healers were fussing around the wretched prince, trying to make sense out of this amazing transformation.   
When Frigga had entered the room, she thought that some unknown Aesir impostor had taken Loki's place until Loki begged for her help and she recognized his voice. Thor's worried attitude and the fact that the bridal quarters had been totally secured confirmed the fact. No one could have retrieve Loki and placed an usurper without creating havoc.   
So Loki had turned into a rather attractive but totally panicked Aesir. Question was, how ?

“He is fine, All-Mother.” Declared the Chief Healer. “Despite the sign of deep stress and the evidence of… a rather dynamic sexual activity.” This last phrase had been murmured with a suspicious glance towards Thor. Frigga gave a look to her son that he knew meant “Have you caused troubles again ?” He answered with a pout that meant “Don't start. It is not me who is at fault.” Between mother and son, no need for telepathic powers. One shared look and they knew each other' s thoughts.   
“So, what can we do for him ?” Asked Frigga.  
The healers looked at each other, clearly not knowing the exact answer to that.   
“There is nothing to do, your Majesty. It is not an illusion or a curse, it is not something that had been done to his Highness. It is something that his body had made on its own. It is like some sort of natural transformation... And those types of mutations are very hard to revert, not to mention it is highly unrecommended for the good of the patient.”  
“Do you think the...” Frigga lowered her voice so Loki wouldn't hear. “... first intercourse with Prince Thor could be a reason for the change ?”  
The first healer raised his hands in powerlessness.   
“It could be, or something that he had drank or eaten, or touched or came in contact with... In this particular case, it could be anything.”

Thor was trying to give Loki comfort but the bundle of black furs was barely responding to his caresses and soothing words. Frigga was observing them. Her son's fragile happiness, so tenuous already, was put into jeopardy again. And now, it could be her fault and it made her sick in her stomach. How could she explain that to the boys without causing a terrible commotion ?   
She made a gesture to attract Thor's attention. Her golden son reluctantly left his husband's side to come to her. She drew him in some discreet place where no one could hear them.   
She held her son's shoulder. It was one of the hardest thing she had to say in her whole life and she feared her only boy's reaction. 

“Sweet boy, listen to me carefully and do not make a scene before I am done speaking...”  
This didn't bode well to Thor but he managed to simply nod.   
“My dear... I think Loki is like that because of me...” He made a startled movement. “Do not say anything ! Answer the question. Before you two... made love... Did he drink the contraceptive I gave you ?”  
Thor simply nodded. He had a knot in his throat. Frigga made a grimace.   
“Sweetling, when I gave you the flask, I forgot one important thing. This potion was made for Aesir women only. Not for Jötunn and even less for intersexed beings... There is a strong possibility that the ingredients may have triggered the change... I am sorry. I have been stupid and foolish...”  
Thor breathed. It was not idealistic but at least he hoped his mother could find a solution. It was her knowledge of magic after all...  
“So, Mother, what are you going to do ?”  
Frigga was so frustrated she could break in tears of rage.   
“I do not know, son. It might be wise to leave Loki as he is.”  
“WHAT ?!” Thor had boomed and then stopped to cast a glance at Loki. The latter was still moping under his furs, unaware of the exchange between mother and son or simply ignoring it. “Mother, how can you say that ?” He was now murmuring.   
“Because, son, it is too risky. If it is actually my potion that did it, we are talking about magical herbs, here, and the effects they might have on Jötnar. I know the consequences of potions on Aesir but we are too unfamiliar with the Frost Giants' morphology to gamble on Loki's health.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “Loki is fine, sweetling. Physically, at least. He is only under shock and he needs you to cope with all that had happened.”  
“But Mother, we can't simply leave him like this...”   
Frigga bit her lips. She rarely cried. The Queen needed to be stronger than anyone and must never show her distress or her fear but sometimes it was simply too much. Yet, once again, she kept her self-control.   
“Of course not, I will search for a remedy but I am currently walking on unknown grounds, son, and it won't be quickly made.”  
Thor bent his head in resignation. 

****

They were alone at last. Loki was sound asleep in their bed, still warmly tucked under the furs and against Thor.   
The worst of the crisis was gone, but the Healers had insisted Loki took a sedative and slept a little while. They warned Thor he had to be at his side when he woke up. Loki might have another fit seeing what he had become anew. 

Loki was breathing soundly. Thor caressed his hair, lost in his thoughts. He admired the fair skin, the bright hair, the pearly shine of Loki's new face.   
He had fell in love with the exotic Jötunn. He wasn't like his friend Fandrall the Dashing, always in search for novelty, always the collector of any type of maidens and women as he would butterflies. But Thor didn't care much about appearances when his heart commanded. Loki with his deep-blue skin like a starless midnight sky and his blood-red shining orbs for eyes had pierced him to the very soul.   
Yet he felt the same stirrings for the graceful rosy-cheeked Aesir Loki with his dark red and thin lips. Of course, it would be so much more convenient. Instead of Asgard's worst fear, it was an Aesir-looking Prince that would sit on the throne next to him. The people were more likely to accept a co-ruler and bearer of royal heirs with an Aesir face. That was sad but true. Even when their engagement had been proclaimed and the peace officially settled, Thor had guessed it was not globally approved. It was welcomed among the people for Asgard was the winner in the deal but it was not really celebrated. Even the All-Father had been reluctant for months.   
Yes, it benefited Thor and Asgard but what of Loki ? 

For once in his whole life as a spoiled golden prince, Thor had started to think and put himself into other people's shoes. That was hard. He was so accustomed to do as it pleased him without any regard for anyone's feelings that the exercise was tough and eye-opening.   
Loki had now officially lost everything, his country, his family, his freedom, a lover, apparently... This one was particularly unpleasant to Thor and sometimes he craved to ask Loki for details about this unknown paramour but his own personal record prevented him to do so. Thor could be incredibly selfish but he wasn't as stupid as people thought him to be.  
And the latest on the long list of Loki's losses were now his virginity (yet Thor couldn't help but thinking he had done as softly as he could to ease the pain of this loss) and his own very appearance. Thus, this transformation cut his last tie with his past life.   
Indeed, that was cruel.   
And yet.  
Each time his eyes settled on these thin red lips he felt the same urge to devour them as he did when he had crashed into the fortress to hunt the most amazing creature he ever saw. He felt the same desire to grab those dark streaks of hair and take this pale body as he did the first time. Thor felt it as a proof of his feelings for his husband and that he had made the right choice. Blue or white, red-eyed or green-eyed, he loved Loki for Loki himself not only out of his usual kind of passing lust. 

Loki stirred a bit, he whimpered softly as if making a bad dream.   
“There, love, it is alright.” Thor murmured fondly.   
He hoped that when Loki would awake he would manage to deal with his new skin. Thor had the scare of this life at the terrible crisis Loki had been through looking at his new unwanted look. Thor understood this. How would HE have reacted if he had been transformed into a Frost Giant in a single night ?   
Well, he thought, maybe Loki would have liked it. Maybe then he would love me. And he surprised himself by wishing to have been in Loki's place, to finally conquer his reluctant husband's heart.   
Loki made another moan while his face contorted into a desperate grimace.   
He was having a nightmare. Thor wanted to wake him up but he didn't know if Loki would stand to get out of a nightmare to fall into another. Now, Loki was clearly sobbing in his sleep.   
“Sweetheart, sweetheart !” Thor gently shook Loki, trying to snap him out of his pain. “Please, wake up !”   
Loki's eyelids fluttered. He was still caught in that in-between of sleep and consciousness and tears were now flowing across his cheeks.   
“Angrbodr...”

Thor had clearly understood the name this time.   
And now he knew how his rival was called.  
It was as if the bastard had emerged in the flesh, right in their own room.   
Even after all that went between them, Loki was STILL thinking about that man !

Thor felt a terrible surge of anger. He had a brief bout of jealous rage where he wanted to break everything in the room. He would never hit or hurt Loki, not even in his deepest anger. But he was ready to create the most terrible chaos such was his wrath of seeing all his efforts being despised so.   
Luckily, a tiny voice of reason, which sounded incredibly like Frigga, told him to calm down and be understanding. Loki had every right to call his former lover for help in his traumatic state. Once again, to coldness, answer to warmth, to curtness, speak with kindness...  
It helped Thor not to commit the unforgivable.   
“Loki, wake up !” He had ordered with less tenderness but without violence and he was answered by green eyes full of despair and tears that completely obliterated his violent anger.   
“Thor...” Loki made a tiny smile that didn't reach his eyes.   
That completed Thor's appeasement. Loki saw him as comfort and safety, at the very least.   
“You had a bad dream, sweetheart.” He caressed Loki's cheeks. He was satisfied to see Loki didn't cringe under his touch but slowly closed his eyes and looked pleased.   
“Tell me about it ?” Thor gently insisted. Yet inside his mind he was literally screaming. Who is this Angrbodr guy ? Why are you calling him in your dreams ? Do you still love him ? Why is he so important to you ? Am I nothing to you ? So many questions in his head it was starting to hurt but now was not the time or place.   
“I dreamed...” Loki murmured drowsily. “I dreamed that I had lost my skin, that I had become an Aesir, an ugly-looking Aesir.”  
Oh, no... Thought Thor.

Thor gulped.   
“Sweetheart, it wasn't a dream...”   
The rest of the scene was painful to Thor. Loki had first chuckled then got angry at Thor's insistence. Thor had to fetch the smaller portable mirror from the bathroom to make Loki see. As Thor feared, Loki's realization was awful to see. He cracked, burying his wailing face on the bed covers, unable to stand what he had become. Thor had tried to explain Frigga's suspicions and the fact that she would find a way to revert the change but it didn't really help. Loki felt disgusting and ugly all the same.   
“My love, I swear to you ! You are perfect and beautiful now just like you were before ! I do not love you any less !”  
Loki gave him an angry look, enhanced by the red tinge in his eyes.   
“Why, of course you do ! You don't have to endure the Jötnar monster in your bed anymore !” He sneered.   
Thor was offended. That was the last straw.   
“How dare you talk to me like that ! Have you already forgotten ?” He grabbed Loki's thigh and spread his legs. “You still have the bruises from last night. Have I not proven enough my desire for you ? It is still here !” And then Thor made a very crude gesture he would have never done had he not been so indignant. He grabbed his own crotch to show that he was half-erect again. Loki was not impressed one bit. He closed his legs brutally and raised one eyebrow in comical disdain.   
“About that...” He sneered. “ 'Jötunn bitch' ? 'Husband-slave' ? Is that how you see me ? As your, I quote, 'whore to breed and fuck', unquote ?” Loki made a rather disdainful snort. 

Thor went bright red in seconds, his anger leaving the place for shame.   
He wasn't like that. He had no interest in dominance or competition in sex. But something in Loki made him want to be dirty, macho and foul-mouthed. He had no idea why, it never happened before. Sif would have castrated him without a second thought had he behave like that with her.   
“But you looked like you enjoyed it...” Thor pouted miserably. He had no better argument.  
At this, Loki went scarlet too but clearly out of anger.   
Thor had indeed touched a sensible cord. Loki had slowly remembered last night's events. They had been momentarily put away by the discovery of his new skin but now that he was calmer, the memories were confusing and shameful. For Loki had liked it, indeed. The feel of Thor, of his power, the way he had to turn the pain into pleasure, to fulfill Loki with new sensations. He had abandoned himself because he couldn't fight it. He had not felt being humiliated at that time but transported into another world of limitless delights. Something he had no idea it could exist.

Not that your precious Angrbodr did much in that department... snickered the familiar moralistic voice in Loki's head. Pray tell, did he ever went further than the mere tip of your little finger ? 

“Shut up...” Muttered Loki.  
“What ?!”   
“No, nothing...” 

Loki felt an urge to cry anew. He turned away from Thor and looked at the mirror again, only to confirm what he perceived as something dreadful.   
Loki had never been vain or narcissist but he liked the way he looked. A long time ago, he had finally accepted the fact that he would never look like a normal Jötunn but he still apreciated his traits that made him so particular in Jötunheim. At least, he wasn't like any Frost Giant. They all had a tendency to look the same.   
But now he felt... average. An Aesir like any common Aesir, except for the black hair.   
He had not an once of the charisma Thor exuded. He felt skinny and gloomy. He forgot that he had barely slept, that he had an exhausting wedding and a rough night followed by tears and distress. So, yes, at that time, he wasn't very fresh and didn't look that much attractive.   
“I am ugly.” He declared.   
“No.” Thor firmly cut. “You are not. You are the most magnificent creature I ever seen. As Jötunn and as Aesir.”  
Loki went seriously angry.   
“I AM ugly Thor ! You only say that because you don't want to admit you married some despicable thing to put next to you on the throne !” He throw the mirror away that landed on the ground without breaking. A miracle.  
“You know what am I going to do ?” He screamed. “I'll complete the disaster ! I'll claw my face until all this repulsive colorless skin is gone and THEN you'll have to admit you are stuck with a monster !”  
And to prove his point he started scratching his face with his own nails. Thor could see the red lines already. He lost no time. He grabbed Loki's hands, pulled them up over his head on the pillows while trying to avoid the thrashing and yelling Loki made. He managed to snatch a curtain cord from the bed and to tie Loki's hands together. That was no easy task for Loki was fighting with a terrible rage. Ultimately Thor got to fasten the cord to the silver headboard. So Loki found himself with his arms pulled upward to rest on the pillows, unable to move, with only his ragged breath to prove his anger. 

Thor was amazed. His darkest fantasy had been realized without him wanting it. He felt himself on thin ice. Loki, his forced position and his fiery looks were incredibly arousing and Thor, indeed, wanted a second round. But not in the state Loki was in. He leaned forward to rest his head on Loki's shoulder. Loki tried to avoid him but it was difficult being so restrained.   
“I love you, Loki, believe that. You have a right to hate me after all that but, please...” Thor was truly begging then. “Don't hurt yourself. Hurt me instead, as much as you like. I won't mind.”  
It was hard to control his need to caress the tied form under him.   
“Indeed, I hate you.” Snarled Loki. “You deserve to be hated.”   
And, in contradiction to his venomous words, Loki raised a leg to caress Thor's thigh. He was panting as if aroused. Thor felt that his will was going to break if Loki didn't stop right now.   
“What are you doing ?”  
Loki viciously smiled.   
“Isn't it how you always wanted me ? As a whore ? A slave ?” He increased his caress and slipped his foot on the inside of Thor's leg, very sinuously, in an openly seductive way. “Your bitch to fuck and breed ?”  
Thor turned all red again.   
“Please, do not mock me with that. I did not mean any of those filthy words. I don't even know why I said them !”  
“Oh, so you don't mean them ?” Loki took his foot away. It had been painfully close to Thor's crotch. “Then free me.”  
Thor was disappointed. He unconsciously made a puppy look that, in spite of his anger against his husband, Loki found irresistible.

“Swear that you won't hurt yourself first.” Thor demanded.   
“Alright, I won't hurt myself. Does this satisfy you, O Mighty Thor ?”   
Thor grimaced. “Swear by the Norns. Or else I won't release you.”  
Loki huffed a heavy sigh.   
“I swear by the Norns that I will not hurt myself. Again, Great Husband, are you satisfied ?”  
Thor sighed in turn and proceed to untie the cord when he was abruptly stopped by Loki's slim foot.   
“I do not think that you are satisfied, husband.”  
He caressed Thor's muscled arm, then went to his shoulder, making sure that Thor had a full view of his nakedness between his legs.   
“And I believe that deep inside you meant those words...”  
He idly traced a thin line with his big toe from Thor's shoulder, to his breast. He teased the nipple a bit, feeling it hardening. Thor's breath was becoming heavy.   
“You want me to be like that, to be your slave, your whore...”  
He went down the muscled belly to the crotch again, lazily caressing the new-born bulge under Thor's pants.   
“You want me to moan, to beg for your mercy...”  
Thor felt like his blood was boiling in his veins. Loki left his crotch to circle his waist and make him come closer to his chest.   
“What was it again ?” He purred slowly. “That phrase you like ?”   
He reached Thor's ear and murmured.   
“ 'Fuck me, Master...' ”  
And then Thor lost it. 

****

The Einherjar behind the doors of the bridal suite spent a very uncomfortable afternoon. For hours, they heard various sorts of screams, moans and growls. There was a brutal pounding that made the walls tremble. The Einherjar could have intervene for Prince Loki's safety (Prince Thor's temper was legendary) if some obvious cries of pleasure were not heard during the ordeal so loud it gave them a headache. Not to mention troubles in other places of their bodies...  
“Oh, Norns ! Yes, Thor ! YES !”

****

Thor thought he was dreaming.   
They had made a terrible mess of the place. They had almost broke the headboard, the bed was ruined with various fluids whose origins should not be mentioned and they were both covered with bruises amongst other things. He had untied Loki, who rested on his belly, and now he was massaging him to help the blood come back into his limbs.   
“This time, I have really hurt you.” He sadly considered the damaged wrists, the bruised legs and the red marks of biting on his shoulders and chest. Loki simply stretched and purred like a satisfied cat.   
“I wanted you to hurt me. I needed the pain to calm down.” He drowsily murmured.   
“But I don't want our whole marriage to be like that.” Growled Thor. “I am not some stupid domineering prick !”  
Loki laughed softly. “Now, now, what makes you think that ?”   
Thor chuckled. He caressed Loki's back to his bottom.   
“Are you alright, though ? I didn't think you could like it so rough...”  
Loki yawned. The tiredness was starting to weigh in.   
“Between you and me, I didn't think I could either.”  
Thor smiled. “But I want to know if you are alright, if you are satisfied with... the present state of affairs.”  
Loki turned around to observe his new husband. He had a very calm look, calmer than Thor ever saw him have. He distractedly put away a blond lock that kept coming on Thor's face.   
“Well, curiously, I am rather content. Many things are far from satisfying and I hope the All-Mother will find a way to get my old skin back, but, well... It could be worse.”  
“How worse ?”  
“You could have been cruel. Instead, you gave me a choice.”  
Thor smiled. That was the closest form of acceptance Loki could give.   
He bent to kiss his husband then went down to lie next to him. Thor was so exhausted he fell asleep rather quickly. 

****

Once he heard Thor snoring, Loki started to meditate on the present situation. 

He indeed had a shock when he saw his new form in the mirror. It had been a horrible but brief moment where he had doubted his own identity.   
Yet, he had calmed down rather quickly when he had simply realized that his efforts had been rewarded and his morphing abilities had been triggered. 

To become an accomplished warlock, there were two last skills Loki had to master yet.   
The morphing abilities and the limitless cloning capacity. One could not go without the other. 

He had tried the morphing for years, only managing partial and imperfect body changes like the color of his eyes, the shape of his limbs or his hair. He didn't know why it had appeared right now. Maybe his deflowering and exchange of fluids with another godly force like the Thunderer might have helped.   
He had learned of very ancient rituals that implied warlocks' sexual initiations with powerful Vanir, fertility gods related to Aesir. It could be what had just happened and it could explain his sexual compatibility with Thor. The Scourge Offspring could be a source of powers. 

Loki could indeed feel his magic back.   
Since his disease and bout of depression, he had lost it. Probably because he had left his birth home to live in a different place. Changing worlds needed an adjustment. That was maybe why he caught the Red Fevers afterwards. 

He had been weak, powerless, indeed a slave to the Aesir. But now, he was back in the game. He had managed to turn his right hand back to blue while Thor was still asleep but decided to revert to white so to hide his new powers. A camouflage, a little bit of emotional blackmail and many lies would provide an excellent cover. 

Back to plan A and the destruction of Asgard.   
Thor would learn his place soon enough...


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And smut ensues again and again ! Beware : mention of hunt and bear-killing.

The secluded period went smoothly afterward.   
Loki even had regrets, being forced to leave when it was time to take his place with Thor at court. He surprised himself by casting one last nostalgic look around the bridal apartments. All the surfaces, all the places he and Thor had thoroughly... explored.  
It had been unexpectedly pleasant. Thor had been tender, fun and distracting. Instead of being an ordeal at worst or a chore at best, sex with Thor had been more than tolerable. 

It had been surprising, enticing, exciting... Even thrilling. 

There were days when they didn't even leave the bed, except to go to the bathroom. The mute servants provided for everything. Loki was often embarrassed by their presence. At one moment, Thor demanded to have Loki on the dining room table. In full action, while Loki was trying to catch his breath in time with Thor's enthusiastic pounding, he saw those shrews at the corner of his eyes. They were pretending to clear the table and, of course, not to feast their eyes on the erotic scene displayed.   
Loki had been angry against Thor after that and declined any sexual favors for 48 hours. He couldn't say if he did it out of anger or just for the pleasure to see him pout and drag around like a scolded puppy. The joys of reconciliation were just even better.

Still, there were awkward moments when Loki was stretching in delight, his head resting against Thor's strong heart, his body pleasantly humming with his husband's latest sweet care, when the usual moralistic voice in his head (Loki had nicknamed it the “Missy-Prissy Voice”) started to sneer to ruin the fine moment. 

Enjoyed yourself ? It used to say. My, my, such a slutty prince ! You'll feel lonely when you'll have blown Asgard to smithereens and your royal stallion with it !   
Shut up, shut up, shut up... But Loki could mutter in rage all he wanted, the voice never stopped until it had said all it wanted.   
Again, said royal stallion is much more vigorous and much more eager than sweet, sweet Angrbodr, A.K.A. Prince Charming, that left you to fend for yourself amongst murderous enemies ! Where is your precious sweetheart, that Mr. Perfect of yours, right now ? Laying in bed with the future Frost Giant King, dear little brother Helblindi ? Another fine example of brotherly love... And you want to destroy a whole country just to prove loyalty to THAT kind of people ?  
“Leave me the hell alone...” growled Loki between his teeth.  
Loki never realized that, sometimes, he was actually speaking aloud his own thoughts and that Thor heard everything. Yet, the latter never made any comment. 

Each time, the voice left with a last cruel laugh and each time Loki felt like a helpless angry fool. Thor's skin remembered it for Loki did not realize he was scratching him in his rage.

Loki would never admit, not even deep inside, that this voice's rambles, although insulting, had a sparkle of truth,.

 

****

Yet the day came anyway. Back to reality.  
They integrated their real chambers. A little less grand than the bridal apartments but more comfortable and private. No more servants to spy on them, or at least much more less. Loki noticed that all his personal belongings had been already moved in. His clothes, his books, the few jewelry he had saved from the fortress, his own soaps, combs and other items... It was the closest thing he could find to home. Even if it wasn't...  
Of course, his stuff was little compared to Thor's own gigantic mess of furs, weapons, and trophies. Delightful. Loki had forgot Thor's passion for hunting, fighting and making a huge fool of himself.   
And now, time for compromises. If Thor wanted their little erotic sessions to go on, he had to learn how to organize his personal space so that it didn't trample on Loki's. 

“How do you find our new lodgings, my love ?” Thor's joyous voice interrupted Loki's brooding.   
Loki was startled but managed to maintain a dignified poise. He needed to keep his cool and hide his thoughts from his husband. He couldn't allow the sexual attraction he felt towards his too-enticing husband to jeopardize his plans. 

He HAD to destroy Asgard.   
He simply HAD to.   
And this time he won't let sentiment get in the way.   
Yes, it HAD to be.   
Right ? 

“It is perfect, husband.” Loki smiled kindly.   
No, it wasn't. Loki felt the lack of balance between his possessions and Thor's. It made him appear like an unwanted stranger again beside the true own of the place. Loki felt a deep pang in his heart comparing these rooms to his own little bedroom in the Frost Palace. Most of all, he grieved the loss of his personal library, reduced to a little shelf in the office next to the main chamber. Loki guessed this same office would be entirely his since Thor wasn't that much interested in studies. Unfortunately, it looked bare. Even with the elegant desk and chair, it remained standard with nothing personal, except for Loki's few books and scrolls.   
Loki repressed a sigh and the need to shed a tear. Again, sentiments. He'll have all the books he want in the Palace Library for now. At least he hoped so.   
Loki didn't notice Thor's long look on his sad husband's face. 

Loki paced around the premises. The main satin-covered bedroom with its two white marble bathrooms, the two spare rooms destined to be personal spaces, the dining room and its oak table, the salon and its velvety cushions... It was grander and larger than what he had in Jötunheim but he couldn't accept this as his new home.   
But it could do to plot his revenge.   
Lost in thoughts, he hadn't noticed Thor sneaking from behind and grabbing him by the arms around his chest.   
“We cannot stay long.” He purred in Loki's ear. “We are expected in the hall for the welcoming banquet...” Oh, no... Loki thought, boring obligations are back... “But we have some time for ourselves.”  
Loki smiled. Thor was as subtle as a bilgesnipe in heat... He replied nonetheless the way he knew Thor liked. “What do you have in mind, husband ?” Loki teased.   
Thor led his paramour to the gigantic bed. It was large enough for four.   
“How about a quick inauguration of the altar of matrimony, husband ?”  
He gently laid Loki on the red satin bed-cover. He swiftly discarded Loki's trousers and boots. Loki sighed in ease. A nice way to kill time, as good as any. Thor took him again in his mouth. It made Loki whimper each time. It never grew old. Thor gulped and licked and hummed expertly. A little too expertly. Loki had a painful feeling thinking about all the lovers who had this special favor before him.   
Jealous ? Sneered the Voice.   
Luckily a tongue movement from Thor helped to make it go away before it started its usual nagging.  
Loki couldn't help but move his hips for more sensations. Thor stopped abruptly. Loki opened his eyes to see his husband unfasten his belt and pants. Loki felt a shiver thinking about the incoming service.   
“Sweet little husband...” growled Thor. “My delicious little treat...”  
He deftly penetrated Loki in one move. The latter was surprised to see he was perfectly ready for the soft aggression. Thor felt big and warm and it didn't hurt at all. The familiar tingling grew with each coming and going movement of Thor's body. Loki answered by the same wave- like motion of his own.   
“Yes... Yes... My stud...” Loki murmured.   
At least, make the best of the situation, Loki thought. This bright pleasure was worth the rest.   
Thor grabbed Loki's slim waist, making him rest on his elbows, and increased his pace. He wanted to feel his pliant lover all the way in. It earned him a yelp from the body he was roughly taking. His head was dizzy. That was the effect Loki's innocent sensuality had on him. Nothing seemed to rebuke him. He wasn't afraid of experimenting sex, well, at least, not with Thor anymore. The possibilities Loki allowed made Thor almost drunk. It had been better than anything he could have imagined.  
“You are Valhalla...” Thor moaned. He came and Loki threw his arms around his neck and came too.   
“We should... prepare to go...” Loki murmured weakly against Thor's ear. 

 

****

Loki had chosen a green and black leather matching suit and boots. Had he still his blue skin, he would have preferred red clothing, but those colors made his skin look fairer. Thor held his arm, in his full silver and scarlet warrior costume. Loki thought they looked good together at least. 

To see so many strangers again, crowded in those gigantic halls was a bit too much.   
For once Loki was grateful for Thor's presence. He felt protected by his new status as Royal Consort. At least he made some profit of this unwanted situation. Thor was like a shield against Asgard in a whole.   
For Loki knew he was still amongst enemies. Even though his golden husband rejoiced in parading his “trophy wife” and gently pressured his hand so he could feel safe, Loki was no fool and saw the various glances from the crowd, ranking from indifference to clear hatred. 

Around them both, they were cheering and chanting. The custom was to welcome the newlyweds back in the court life and pretend they had never left to avoid any embarrassment. Yet, it didn't forbid lewd and loud comments. Loki endured everything with a smile, hiding his need for the Casket to destroy all those disgusting pigs. 

Soon enough, soon enough...

“Slut...”  
That wasn't the Missy-Prissy Voice. That came from somewhere near the closest table. It wasn't very loud but it was undoubtedly aimed at Loki, as he was crossing the halls to main seats, beside his husband.   
“Jötunn whore...”  
Another on the other side. A woman this time. Low enough so Thor wouldn't hear.   
So brave... Now, things were clear. On the outside, everyone acted as if they were all glad of this union and the ending of the Jötnar Wars. But in reality, they couldn't stand the idea of a Frost Giant (even miniaturized) on the throne of Asgard, next to the Golden Son. As if that thing was his equal...  
And maybe the woman was one of Thor's former whores.   
Loki clenched his teeth and saluted the Scourge and Queen Frigga. He had affection and respect for his mother-in-law but it would freeze in Hel before he felt the same towards her husband. He would never see the One-Eyed monster as a substitute parent as he did her.  
Loki sat, chatted, laughed (or feigned to laugh) but barely drank and ate. Only when Thor gave him some of his wine or made him eat a treat, displaying a show of lovey-doveyness. Loki went along with it but still hated it because it arose a roar of laughter and applause each time. 

There were also low threats and more insults but Loki chose not to mind it and not to report it.   
It simply wasn't worth the time, especially if he was about to avenge himself...

 

****

 

There wasn't much change between the life Loki had during his engagement and the life he had now as official consort.   
Feasts, hunts, balls, riding... Except that now, if people were bowing very low to “His Royal Highness” as Loki was being called (the same title as Thor), they gnarled slanders behind his back, obviously not caring if they were heard or not. 

And again, months passed but no opportunity came to reach the Casket yet. Loki didn't dare to ask Thor directly. He feared that his presence might trigger the initial softness that prevented him to go all the way the last time.   
Again, Loki became bored of this routine, as grand as it was. 

The only breaks were in Thor's arms, in Thor's body.   
At nights, Thor was indeed a comfort. The sweet boar had no idea whatsoever of what was going in Loki's mind. He was just as happy of their little recreations. Except that once the pleasure had faded, that Thor had gone to sleep, snoring and holding Loki as if he was a big plush toy, when it was finally dark and silent, Loki was alone with his torments again.   
Not to mention the burn between the legs and the remnants of Thor's passion leaking on his thigh, painfully reminding him of the only purpose expected of him.   
It wasn't pleasant at all. 

Loki had to keep an elegant attitude when everyone around him obviously feared him and resented his position. He wasn't part of any group outside Thor's influence. He was tolerated only if he was tagging along with his husband. 

Loki knew he wasn't making that big of an effort to fit in. He never went to the training arena, contenting himself with the books found at the royal library. That earned him some spiteful glares from the four idiots that couldn't help but follow Thor everywhere. Loki wondered if they could even read actually.  
Sif was clearly jealous of Loki but remained courteous. The slim dark-haired one named Hogun showed not much beside indifference and that was the easiest thing for Loki to bear. The blond idiot who called himself Fandral the Dashing (very modest...) made unwanted comments he thought were witty but were simply boring to death. Loki simply ignored him. Not to mention Volstagg A.K.A Axe-Wielding Fatso and his crude jokes. He was harder to discard for he took too much place in the group.  
Of course, all of them remembered Loki's attempt to the Bifröst and if he was totally honest with himself he never gave them reasons to trust him, before or after.

Nonetheless, they had admitted him back into their hunting trips. Not like they had a choice anyway. Yet everyone tried to maintain a perfect good humor. To do them justice, they never made cowardly threats behind Thor's back like the others...  
They were all in the joy of their pursuit and Loki was simply following, considering them as an adult would consider small unruly children.   
Thor had set his mind on catching a very aggressive wandering male bear. Not something he hadn't already killed but he had his eye on this one for months. Loki had hunting skills but no taste for the thing itself. He watched from afar, playing with his spear.   
“Care to join us ?” The question and its sarcastic undertone came from Sif. Loki was surprised, she rarely spoke her mind around him.   
“Why, Lady Sif, Thor and your other friends know how to trap the beast. I would only be a hindrance.”  
She smirked in a disagreeable way.   
“That you would.”  
She rode away to the men.   
Loki wanted to use his magic and crush them all right here and now. Yet he knew that would destroy everything. If Warlocks had a dubious reputation in Jötunheim, they were simply feared, avoided and despised in Asgard. They worked as spies and special agents for Odin but that didn't mean they were trusted. If people knew Loki was a warlock, and a mighty one, he could probably get himself killed at once.   
He had to bit on his tongue and wait for his well-deserved retribution. 

He was still brooding when he heard the horrible cries and the terrible roaring that announced the hunters had found the beast... Or that it had found them and it wasn't going well.   
Loki spurred his mare and joined the distraught party. 

It was a disaster. Hogun had fallen off his horse and had received a blow that had torn his armor. He had a superficial gash on his chest but that was enough to make him helpless. Sif was trying to get him back on his feet while keeping the beast away with her sword. Thor and Volstagg were holding it with their spears but Fandral had been cut on his arm which had left him with a clear mind but useless at carrying a weapon.   
Standing on his hind legs, roaring crazy and swinging his huge paws at the warriors, the creature was black, mighty, scarred on the face, so it was typically alpha-male, noisy, unrefined and very angry. Unfortunately, bears are not rabbits, foxes or wolves... They are a different kind of game to handle.   
And although they were two-on-one, the beast had the strength of despair and it could be a turning point.  
Loki lost no time and grabbed his spear.   
He took advantage of the fact that it was focused on Thor and Volstagg. Loki went smoothly behind and took no time in striking the beast in the thigh. It forced it to fall down with a terrible thud. Thor and Volstagg killed it promptly.   
Ghastly and bloody. But they had no choice. Loki definitely hated hunting. 

Sif was screaming at the men. Now that they were all out of danger, she could. It appeared that it was all Thor's recklessness that made them confront the beast on uneven grounds. Said Thor was grazed all over and covered in the beast blood. He was the one who fought the most, to his defense. He went to the nearby river to clean and Loki followed him. He was stopped by Fandral who thanked him profusely. Maybe this distasteful adventure could have an interesting outcome. They had realized his warring abilities and maybe they would all eye him favorably for now on.   
Or fear him even more. Either way, it would be a fine turnout. 

They were near the river when Thor abruptly grabbed Loki and held him against the nearby rock.   
“I didn't know you were that good with weapons, husband...” Thor growled.   
Loki was overwhelmed by a surge of fear. He was found out and Thor was going to neutralize him.   
“Thor... I...” Loki thought at the speed of light to find a way out.   
“Do not fear...” Thor chuckled darkly. “I am very much pleased...”   
And as if proving a point, he started to unbuckle his belt. Loki couldn't believe his eyes. Thor wanted that NOW ?!   
He did, apparently, for Thor took Loki's hand and made him fondle his “Little Mjölnir.” It was as erect as the bloody spear that laid on the grass nearby.  
“You were beautiful... You stood by that beast and you saved us... I want to show you my gratitude... My... warmly... thanks...” He made Loki's hand speed up.   
This time it wasn't funny at all. Thor was definitely acting weird, as if under some kind of a trance. But the worst was that the others were not sufficiently far away not to be aware of what was about to happen behind the rocks.   
“No, Thor... Not now, please... Not here...” Loki never refused Thor anything. But for once, it was a bit too much. These were not servants, whose opinion barely mattered. These were Thor's closest friends and, just as Loki has started to appear less of a threat, he would be now branded as one of Thor's many whores in their minds if they made such a disgusting show.   
“No, no, no, please !” Loki was desperate. “The others... They will see !”   
Thor responded by thrusting his fingers in Loki's intimacy and Loki discovered, not without horror, that he was wet and more than willing to receive Thor's attention.   
“My little fountain, again...” Thor softly laughed. “I want this, husband. I want them to know how much I love you. How much we belong together. Let them hear us scream, my love, let them all be jealous...”  
Loki realized that it wasn't that bad of an idea. A public display of conjugal bliss could show that Loki was indeed Thor's undoubted consort and a most loving one. It could be the perfect cover-up.   
And Loki couldn't help but starting to feel arousal to that feral, lusty and bloody Thor. 

Thor must have understood Loki's change of mind. Or maybe he didn't care, the latter being an unpleasant thought to Loki. He didn't want to even consider it.   
But very soon, Loki's brain would not have much place left for thoughts. 

Thor grabbed Loki by the waist, forcing him to hook his feet on Thor's back. He held him against the rock that provoked an unpleasant grazing. Yet, Thor felt like a wall of concrete fire and Loki couldn't feel anything else besides this hardness and this warmth.   
Then Loki screamed for Thor had plunged into him without any warning.   
“Yesss... Soft Loki...” He moaned. And without giving him time to adjust he started pouncing as powerfully as ever. Loki couldn't catch his breath. His insides were intensely burning. Because of gravity, there was no escape from this intrusion. It wasn't really pain, he was sufficiently aroused, but it was the feeling of being crushed, of being taken and torn. He lost strength in his limbs and his arms fell from Thor's shoulders, like those of a doll.   
Thor was grunting and groaning. Puffing and panting like the bear he had just slain. It was as if being devoured by this same creature. Thor had lost any humanity. Loki's head was swimming and all he could see was the blinding blue summer sky, as blue as Thor's eyes. Those same eyes that had lost their usual glimmer of mischief to be darken by something greedy and determined.   
“No... I'll... die...” Loki managed to utter between the thrusts.   
“Be mine...” Growled Thor in answer.   
He pulled Loki away from the rock to lay him on the grass. It was more comfortable but it simply permitted Thor to take him even harder.   
“Mine... Mine...” Those were the last understandable words Thor said before emitting a series of grunts and moans that sounded like a beast feeding. Which was the case actually, as Thor viciously bit Loki's neck on the same place he did the first night. 

Loki uttered a desperate cry and then just let his mind go.   
All he could feel was Thor, all he could see was the blue sky and the bright summer sun.   
And then he let everything go. 

It was weird, despite his head going up and down limply, despite this violent public lovemaking, he had a soft smile on his face and his eyes rolled upward in ecstasy.   
He was happy.   
He was more than happy. What he felt was an overwhelming joy, an unexpected feeling of fullness. It was as if he finally belonged in Thor's arms, under this magnificent sky he never saw the likes in Jötunheim. It was as if everything was finally setting into place, as if all would be perfect as he reached the peak of his pleasure and his scream was answered by Thor's. 

 

****

Next thing Loki remembered was to wake in his own bed with Frigga on his side looking very worried.   
Some explanation later and Loki learned that Thor had been way out of line and punished for endangering the lives of his spouse and his companions. He had been quarantined for a while to help him cool off his foolishness and reflect upon his actions.  
The unsaid reason, apart from having been careless during the hunt, was that the four companions had been scared to death by Thor's oversexed attitude. It was funny at first but it stopped being a joke when they saw that Loki had blacked out because of Thor's brutality.   
They had reported him to Queen Frigga, fearing spousal abuse from Thor and feling sorry now for the poor Jötun. Loki's heroic action had totally changed their view about him.   
Loki cleared the situation to the worried Queen. Thor and him had gone overboard out of excitement. That was all. Thor was not an abuser and Loki was not a victim.   
Rather the other way around, smirked Loki inwardly...

When Frigga left, Loki tried to make some sense into all this mess.   
He was angry against Thor for coercing him into doing such a degrading act in public. He was angry against Thor's stupid friends to think him so helpless. And most of all, he was angry at himself from having let Thor have his way with him... and enjoyed it. 

Thor remained in jail for a couple of weeks, time enough for Loki to recover from the hunt incident. Yet, Loki feared Thor's passion might have damaged something. He was feeling weird, sometimes numb, sometimes on edge. He had occasional stomach cramps and dizziness. He often had difficulties to concentrate, finding himself staring at an invisible point ahead for hours...   
Loki was never sick. Thor must have hit or torn something. If not physically, at least in Loki's mind, for he was having contradictory feelings about the stupid oaf. Loki sometimes wanted to bash his head first time he would set his hands on him. And sometimes he found himself missing the big boar, finding their rooms too big and empty by himself. 

 

****

Thor came back, all contrite and embarrassed. Not sure if he was wanted anymore.   
Loki was not going to indulge him like that. He treated him coldly for a few days, even forcing him to sleep on the large couch in the salon. It wasn't that bad for that couch looked almost like an actual bed and was as much comfortable. Thor took it sadly but with good humor. Anything to be back in Loki's good graces again, he was willing to do.

Then one day, Thor burst into the bedroom where Loki was trying to ease a particularly disagreeable stomach cramp.   
He wasn't alone. He came with dozens of servants who brought huge trunks in the chambers. “Here, husband !” Boasted Thor. “It has finally arrived ! I have been waiting for them months ago !”  
“What is it, Thor ?” Loki was annoyed. He was in pain and wanted privacy. This invasion was mostly unexpected.   
“A present, my darling ! Something special ! Hope you'll be glad !” And he gave Loki one of the smallest trunk. Loki sighed. Another collection of stupid weapons or another. He had to remain amiable. Thor was trying, after all...  
And then Loki saw his father Laufey's crest on the lid and recognized the official luggage from the Jötnar palace. 

Whatever it was, it came from Jötunheim. 

Loki sent a questioning look to Thor who only encouraged him to open. 

In the first trunk were Loki's ceremonial robes that had remained in the Frost Palace. In a larger one, Loki recognized furs and precious tapestries that used to be in his former bedroom. Another contained several of his potions and collections of medicinal herbs. The bigger ones were full with his own books. Under a box of jewels Loki never thought he would ever see again were two raggedy dolls his nanny had sewn for him a very long time ago. One was a snake that had lost one of his obsidian eyes and another that used to be a wolf but had been so munched for so long it looked more like a dirty dog now. Loki clutched them to his chest. Only by having them back, he realized he had missed those childhood treasures dearly.   
His parents had sent his whole possessions to Loki. It was a heartbreaking breath from home.   
Of course, it could also mean that Laufey and Farbauti hoped that Loki would never come back but Loki was too happy right then to care. 

He hugged Thor as hard as he could and, this time, he meant it. It wasn't pretense.   
“Thank you...” He murmured. This time Loki's gratitude was absolutely genuine. He felt less at a loss with all his personal trinkets with him again.   
“You are welcome, my love...” Answered Thor. “Then... Can I sleep in our bed again ? I missed you...” He added shyly.  
Loki smiled. He was in a good, forgiving mood. “Of course, you big idiot...” And then Thor held him back.

But the minute Thor touched him for the first time in weeks, Loki felt like a shock coming from his belly. It was as if his whole being had been struck by lightning. He had to take a deep breath not to scream in Thor's ear. 

Then dread filled him all over. 

He had been told in his classes about such bodily reactions were normal for Jötnar couples. The violent fit to the other's touch were the very first signs of ... 

Oh, no... thought Loki.  
Oh, yes, the Missy-Prissy Voice gloated somewhere in his mind.

His body had an attack at the feel of Thor because Thor was... Loki was....They were...

Because Loki was in an interesting condition, had a bun in the oven, a body full of arms and legs... He was eating for two, up the spout, in the family way, in big trouble...

He was pregnant.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, folks ! Sorry for the delay, very busy summer. Hope you'll enjoy it !

At first, he thought he had made a simple mistake... That it wasn't true. Just the result of complicated and strong emotions...   
But after the trunk story and the final installation of Loki's belongings, the symptoms increased...

The first night he came back into their bed, Thor attempted careful little touches, the one that were a little begging and enticing. Loki used to like them but now, they just sent shots of lightning in his belly and it made this contact highly disturbing. 

The thing that would be a child soon was reacting to its sire's hand. That was the indisputable first sign of a pregnancy for Jötnar.  
Loki felt as if he had been cursed by the Norns in person...

****

And then it calmed down. Loki hoped that it was just a false alarm and things would get back to normal. Yet, when Thor and Loki had sex, the latter was less at ease and spontaneous. He was a bit lost. What if he had a child eventually ? Would he carry on with his plan ? And admitting he made it to Jötunheim after Asgard's destruction, what to do with an unwanted offspring that was the only Royal Heir of a destroyed enemy kingdom in the Jötunn King's palace ?   
Not pregnant, please, not pregnant... Loki kept praying. 

Unfortunately, a few months later, the next symptoms came and their assessment was now definite.

Loki started to have morning sicknesses he desperately hid to Thor and his retinue. Then he started to feel dizzy and have less appetite. Thor realized ultimately but just appeared worried about Loki. He hadn't any clue about what was really going on. Nothing new here, he could be tremendously blind to some things.

Then Loki's magic started to become erratic and that was the worst.   
He had flashes of green light coming from his fingers, minor spells like fire-starting or controlling things at distance came without being summoned... Thor's cape was almost set on fire by accident. Loki had to take a suppressant potion. 

He could not constantly control his Jötnar appearance and his Aesir one as he used to. When Loki had been out of the honeymoon seclusion, the Asgardian had been warned about his brutal change. Odin proclaimed it as a sign that the Norns had blessed the Prince's union by transforming his bride. No one had believed that lie but everyone had acted as if everything was perfectly normal. Since Loki had always behaved, people did not even care any more. Not that they trusted him, it was just less threatening.   
And one evening, Thor asked him if he was alright for his eyes seemed a little red. And indeed, their natural blood-red color was slowly coming back. During a political meeting between Odin and various important thanes and chiefs of clans, Loki felt that his skin on his hands was turning blue again. Thanks the Norns, he had his gloves on that day. 

Then, and that was the last straw, there was the absurdities. Spiders, snakes, squirrels and toads appearing out of nowhere during celebrations and causing a terrible ruckus. Einherjar sporting pink or polka-dotted armors without any concrete explanation (although this one was rather funny), the water in the palace's fountains turning green, violet or red (less funny...), mysterious rains made of apple or cherry blossoms falling all over... His power was totally loose and erratic. Loki had to take tremendous efforts to hide the fact that he was the cause of all this. 

****

A few weeks passed this way... Loki was feeling disgusting. A slight bump was already starting to form in his belly. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't stand being talked to or, worse, touched. This pregnancy was like a disease and he just couldn't bear it any longer.   
He hid everything, forced himself to eat, even if it was to throw everything up later... He didn't want to raise suspicions and no one had to know about the child, not until Loki had found a solution.   
He knew about abortive potions, herbs and medicine.  
During his free times, he managed to obtain the necessary products and carefully stashed them away so no one could guess.   
He made the potion three times with absolute accuracy and certainty that it would work with a minimum pain and time. 

And each time, he couldn't drink it. 

He wanted to get rid of that thing so much it hurt. But when the cup reached his lips he just stopped. Something stronger than his own will was preventing him to do it. As if that thing inside his belly wanted to live, whether Loki wanted it or not. 

Loki had more than enough. 

What were the options ? Abortion seemed impossible, there was the solution of miscarriage. Loki had a plan but... If that plan failed he would be forced to give birth to the child. And then what ?   
On the bright side, girl or boy, the child would be automatically the assumed Heir. Thor would be closer to the throne than ever. Odin could even abdicate and retire so his son could take over sooner. Loki's position would be secured for ever and he would be made co-ruler on Thor's coronation day.   
Except that once the brat would be born, it would be difficult to destroy Asgard the way he had planned it, or to destroy Asgard at all...   
He hated that damned spawn, or so he thought right now. Loki cursed his too fertile entrails and his fecund bull of a husband.   
But at the end of the day, would he be ready to get rid of of something that was born out of him ? That looked like him ? That was an Asgardian, indeed, but also a Frost Giant ? And thinking about it made him wonder what would a child of his and Thor's would like. Would he have green, blue or red eyes ? What about his hair or skin ? In his mind, it started to have an appearance, a personality, an existence...

He needed to get rid of it, whatever the cost.

Loki started by riding as much as possible. Horse riding was the last thing to do during a pregnancy. When it looked like it wouldn't work, Loki decided to do his most drastic measure. 

It was during a hunt and Loki had run and tracked faster and more than any other participants. Even Sif had had a hard time following him. Loki was spurring his poor mare and exhausting himself, begging some unknown force to make the child go away.   
His back and legs hurt and he barely heard Thor's pleas to be careful when he saw the low pine branch.   
Perfect, he thought.   
Pretending to track down a fox, he hurried on fearlessly straight to the branch. He ignored Thor's desperate cries to stop.   
The last thing he heard before the blow and the darkness was Thor's scream. 

****

He woke up to the light. He was laying on one of the palace hospital's private bed. Frigga was there, her face closed. Thor was standing next to him, holding his hand, his eyes full of anguish. The healers were making their usual reassuring chit-chat. Loki was getting used to it.   
“My love... Why were you so careless ? Haven't you seen that damn branch ?”  
Thor was relieved but grieving. Loki had to endure his teary puppy-like sky-blue eyes. He was anxious. If the “accident” had done its job, they must know by now he was pregnant. That would explain Frigga's sour look for she could not be fooled, contrary to her son. It had probably worked and she was mad at him because she knew it was no accident.   
“The question is settled now.” She sternly said. “No more horse riding.”   
Loki was puzzled. That didn't make any sense. If the miscarriage had occurred, it wouldn't matter any more if he carried on riding or not.   
“You are pregnant.” She declared flatly.   
“Mother !” Thor cried. “I wanted to tell him myself !” Frigga simply huffed and rolled her eyes.   
Thor turned to Loki and made him the most disgustingly beaming smile ever on his stupidly ecstatic face.   
“We are going to have a baby, my darling ! That's why you were feeling so poorly lately ! Haven't you felt different inside ?”  
And then Thor made an insufferable joyous chatter about how wonderful this nightmare was and about all was going to be pink and blue and unicorns throwing up rainbows from now on, completely unaware of the dark glares his spouse and his mother were exchanging.   
“You need to rest for now.” Thor said kissing Loki goodbye. “I'll tell All-Father the good news but will keep it secret. We'll proclaim it only once we are sure you are safe... Both of you.”   
And he laid a hand on Loki's slightly bulging belly.   
Loki had to use all of his willpower not to smack him on the mouth. 

Thor left them alone. Loki knew he couldn't avoid whatever Frigga was going to say.   
“I know what you tried to do. Do not think you can fool me, boy.” She pursed her lips in disgust. “I could have understand a moment of panic. It is no little thing to handle. But couldn't you come to me and talk ?! How could you do that to yourself and that innocent babe ?! I thought you have started to love your husband !”  
To Loki, that was the last straw. He respected Frigga. He did. He was extremely found of her but, right here and now, she was all self-righteous and had no idea what she was talking about, what Loki was going through... So, he snapped. 

“How could I ?” He answered with a low, threatening voice. “Do you really want to know ?” He hummed in a mock tone. “Well, let me see. I had been taken away as hostage from my country that had been attacked an ransacked by your barbaric people. I have been under the pressure of a blond boor and his sexual urges I had no interest in. Said blond boor being a killer of my kind, by the way. I have been abandoned by my parents, my brothers, my... everyone, with no other options left but marry that same boor and endure him and live the rest of my days birthing and rotting in the shadow of that pig who ruined my life, amongst enemies that wish me nothing but death. Yes, I wonder. This is a perfect world and that son of yours is the perfect man, and I am a monster for trying to have my life back !”

He had screamed the last sentence. He felt fat tears of despair rolling on his cheeks. He didn't want to talk like that to the only ally he had in this forsaken country. But now she was judging him and clearly despising him for trying to kill her possible grandchild. Loki felt as if he had lost everything and didn't need to be cautious any longer. 

“So, I beg your pardon, your Majesty...” He made a mock reverence with a cruelly desperate smile. “But I have no care whatsoever for whatever it is that is eating me inside, no care whatsoever for that norns-forsaken son of yours who is the cause of my damnation and no care for anything or anyone right here and now !” 

He fell back on the pillows, his hand on his burning brow. He had no strength left now that his outburst was over. He felt empty and devoid of any thought that could came in handy. Frigga was going to punish him and then he would lose the only friend he had in this hell. It didn't matter anymore. Everything was just too much. He hid his face in his hands and let himself cry for good.   
He felt a cooling hand on his closed eyes. It gave an unexpected relief. He heard Frigga give a heavy and sad sigh.  
“Forgive me, Little One, I had not given a thought about what you truly felt. I simply forgot that... Never mind.”   
She started refreshing Loki with a cold cloth, giving him water he accepted wordlessly. The motherly touch gave him some sense of comfort. The change in Frigga was unsettling but helped Loki feel better. She looked very sad and Loki saw for the first time that she was older than she looked. She seemed really tired by all this commotion.

“Now, that it is in the open...” She said. “We cannot go back. You have to carry this child. I cannot help you to... You know... end it...” She breathed heavily. “... Without Odin or Thor suspecting something fishy had occurred. You have to give birth to the heir...”  
For Loki, it was as if Frigga had pierced him with her sword right through his heart.   
“Wait.” She cut, seeing his despair. “Just, wait. You don't know, you don't know yet what it is, to hold the one thing that was born out of you, that is a part of you and... Someone else... Maybe...” She tried a bright, hopeful smile. “Maybe... When you'll have the babe in your arms, you'll finally see... Thor's love for you, the promises that child will carry, all this happiness that you can't even imagine right now... And... Maybe...” She waved her hand. She was really trying but Loki could see she wasn't so sure of herself...  
“What if I don't ?”   
Loki looked at her straight in the eyes.   
“What if I don't and that... child is nothing to me but another source of pain ?”  
She sighed again. She looked really exhausted.   
“Loki, can you really say that Thor didn't try with all his might to make you content ? Can you assert that you were in danger here or treated as being unwelcome in this family ?”  
Loki bit his lips. Indeed, Thor did his best, even if it was often really awkward and not always well-timed. Furthermore, Frigga and her husband did behave as Loki was another son. But that didn't make up for everything. It just didn't.  
“Indeed.” He reluctantly said. “But I can't control what I feel. I can't forget... Nor forgive.”

Frigga bowed her head. Apparently, she was thinking really fast.   
“Then, let's make a deal. You'll have Thor's child. You'll try to get used to parenthood for a while...” She held both his hands. “And I pray the Norns with all my might that you finally open your eyes to what you can have. But if you really don't...” She let his hands go. “Then, I'll help you to go back to Jötunheim and start your life anew there.”  
She was about to rise leaving Loki in shock.   
“Are you serious ?” He gasped. “You will really let me go home ?” His voice sounded more eager than he really wanted. Frigga simply nodded. “But how ? How could you convince them to let me go ?”   
Frigga looked at him. That lost child carrying another lost child... She was desperate for a compromise but she couldn't help feeling sorry for her son and Loki, both. So much was standing between them. By making this insane deal, she hoped to gain time and that Loki would change his mind and finally fall in love, if not with Thor, at least with the babe.   
“I will find a way. Trust me.” And may the Norns change your mind before I have to do it... She sadly thought.  
Loki felt as if a heavy stone was lift off his chest.   
“Then we have a deal.”

****

It was as if Thor had turned blind.   
Insufferably blind and annoying.   
There wasn't a day Loki didn't wish to punch his silly smile until all his teeth fell. 

Loki was getting bigger and bigger by the day. He couldn't enter any of his usual costumes any more and he had been provided depressing pregnancy clothes that all made him look fat and ugly. He avoided mirrors, the courtiers' good wishes, pieces of advice and intrusive questions and the servants' interferences. His belly was horrifyingly protruding and heavy, straining his back. He had troubles sleeping at night and his feet hurt during the day.   
He nagged and whined and stayed in bed, pouted and refused to see anyone. He lashed out at everyone and confined himself, laying in misery and self-pity, making himself (and all near him) miserable.

And Thor, sickeningly sweet Thor, poured Loki tea, pulled up the cushions, brought him exotic birds to sing and entertain him, massaged his swelling ankles and his aching back, combed him, ordered fresh flowers to be daily replaced and acted like the perfect husband and father-to-be.

Loki knew he was acting like an insufferable brat, that it was outrageous the way he spoke curtly to his devoted spouse. Loki felt he had become a bad caricature of his stupid brother Helblindi. He was ashamed but he couldn't really help it, as if he had been possessed by his cursed cargo. Tears came at night as hard as ever and sobs were even harder to stifle. But as soon as they came out, Thor raised a sleepy head and dried his cheeks wearily while tucking him inside his arms.   
“It's your condition, beloved. Your body is upside down, that is why you're so confused... It'll settle down.” He drowsily said.  
Thor did everything he could think of and Loki wanted both to thank him and punch him. He was indeed helping but he was not making anything easier in Loki's head. 

The only thing that helped him carry on was the idea that once he had made the heir, he would be able to do whatever he wanted.

He didn't want anything to do with it. He ignored his belly, ignored the occasional and regular kicking. At first, he had panicked the moment the baby started to move and seeing Thor sticking his dumb ecstatic face on his belly button to feel it too prevented Loki to complain again about it. Alas, it didn't stop Thor from touching it too frequently to Loki's taste.   
That was an issue. Now that he was showing, everyone seemed to assume Loki's body was free to be touched by everyone. Thor, Frigga, the maidservants, the doctors (that couldn't be prevented...) and the mid-wives (same thing...) did either out of checking out or feeling it. If Odin had even tried, Loki would have cut his hand right away and consequences be damned... Luckily, Odin remained polite and caring but distant. 

Loki counted the days. And in the same time, the prospect terrified him. He had heard countless stories of birth that went horribly wrong. His nannies used to whisper horrors with hushed voice about how the baby had been torn out of its dam's belly already dead or how the dam bled to death... Frigga and the mid-wives supported Loki and comforted him, assuring him that they would be vigilant and that everything would be just fine.  
But it didn't help.   
He was terrified each time he fought of that huge balloon going right through his intimacy...  
And he had no one to talk to about. Hell, he had virtually NO ONE to talk with. He was secluded in his own silence and no one could attain him. Not even Thor.   
“Talk to me, sweetheart, I need to know you're alright...” Thor gently pleaded only to be answered by a brutal scoff. 

Thor's never ending patience bore Loki out of his wits. No matter how angry, rude or indifferent Loki could be, Thor always answered with a loving smile and a kind word. Loki could not understand this and it was the worst of all. Particularly when Loki knew he was going way over the edge. Thor was supposed to be a brainless brute and now he was acting the bigger person while Loki was doing the complete opposite.   
And feeling guilty about this childishness was not helping Loki concretely. 

****

One night, they were laying side by side but it was as if a huge invisible wall was between them. And they were both suffering from it, even if it was in different ways.   
It had been a terrible day because the babe had been moving like crazy and prevented Loki to have any rest. He had thrown his meal at the servants' heads and yelled at Thor that he could go to Hell. Only to break out later in the privy in ashamed and bitter tears he hoped no one would see. The birth was getting nearer and nearer and Loki's terror was growing in consequence, making him act crazy.   
Loki felt that he could not go any longer. The isolation he had bestowed on himself with his attitude was literally choking him. 

“I miss you.” Murmured a familiar voice in the dark, interrupting Loki's brooding.   
Loki turned his head towards Thor's silhouette. He was staring at the ceiling, his hands on his belly, half covered by the blanket.   
“I miss what we had...” Sighed Thor. “I know... Believe me, I know how hard it is for you... But...”  
He tried to reach a hand to Loki but gave up and let it fall near Loki's arm.   
“I'm only saying that I miss you and we shouldn't let fear come between us... I guess...” He hesitated.   
Had Loki been in a better mood he would have find this attempt for reconciliation endearing. But his belly weighing on the rest of his body was exhausting him and consequently it made Thor look like a fool. Not in a good way for once.   
“Really ?” Said Loki. “You 'miss' me ? What we 'had' ?”   
His tone was weird to Thor's ears. It didn't sound good.   
“Yes ?” Tried Thor.   
Loki raised himself on one elbow and looked at his husband straight into his eyes. He looked neutral but determined. Thor felt that whatever Loki might say, he meant business.   
“Then, prove it.” Loki declared. “How ?” Thor asked. Loki's strange and cool voice was starting to scare him.   
“Ride my cock.”

Thor felt his blood rushed from his shoulders to his neck, cheeks, nose and brow. A bloody red hue he couldn't see but very well guess by its intensity. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Never in a millennium the simple idea that Loki could have wanted to trade places would have ever occurred to Thor. Ever.   
Same-sex relationships were not an issue in Asgard, a realm that prided itself on its highly developed civilization and tolerance. Marriages between people of the same gender were rather common and they raised their legitimate children like all the other couples but... Gender roles remained absolute, at least in Thor's mind. He acted the “male” and Loki, the “female” for he was the only one to possess both characteristics. Simple Thor logic. Wasn't he the future king of Asgard ? What would his people say if they knew he offered his ass to someone, even to his one and only spouse ?   
“I... I can't...” Blabbered Thor. Loki gave a cruel smirk. He thought about it as a joke actually. But seeing Thor's confusion turned it into something more serious.   
“Oh, so I am to be your bitch the rest of our lives but you wouldn't have the decency to reciprocate ?”   
Thor was totally lost. He had the vague feeling that there was a tiny shred of truth in Loki's words, that they had to remain equal in this union and that Loki had a right to demand certain things. But on the other side, it felt like retaliation. Besides, Thor's fears and pride were tormenting him and Loki had a way to make him feel highly uncomfortable and guilty.   
“It's not that...” Stammered Thor. Loki could have laugh if he wasn't holding back so much. “It's just that... I don't know how and... What if people knew ? What if … ? I love you, I do, but...” Thor was literally drowning. Loki pitied him a bit.   
“No one will now if that's scaring you.” He scorned a bit. “But it's that way or not at all.” His tone was final but became more sensual and tender. A tone that Thor haven't heard for ages. “As for the rest...” Loki continued caressing Thor's thigh. “Do not worry, I can be very, very gentle.” He licked Thor's ear, a thing he knew it made his poor gullible husband shiver. “Give me your first time, my darling, as I have given you mine...” He purred.   
With this, Thor was done.

****

“Feels weird... So sloppy...”  
“It's the oil, darling, you'll need it, believe me.”   
“I know ! I am not stupid ! It's just... Eeek, feels gross...”  
“You had me covered in this once. I thought you liked it.”  
“Yes, on you ! Not inside of … Ow ! Loki, easy with the fingers !”  
“Sorry, can't help it. It's just that you are so open, husband. Are you sure it is your first time ?”  
“Shut up... Oow... Don't be so rough !”  
“Look at you, the Mighty Thor, with three fingers of your little Jötunn whore up your...”  
“Loki, please. Stop teasing ! I am dying here !”  
“Alright, alright... Want me to... ?”  
“... Yes, please...”  
“Don't be so tense, husband...”  
“... I... I....”  
“Ooh, you are tight, my sweet master...”  
“Oow, Loki not so fast !”  
“Sorry, sorry... It's just really a true pleasure... The future King of Asgard on my cock...”  
“Please Loki, don't mock me... OH !”  
“That's it, my little Asgardian whore...”  
“Ow, ow, Loki... Too rough !”  
“Hot and tight and perfect... Mine alone, you hear me...”  
“Yes, yes but... Ah ! AH !”  
“Feel it ? Feel my rod in you, little prince ?”  
“Oooh, Loki... I can't...”  
“Feel me deep ? Feel me hard and branding you ?”  
“I do, I do ! Norns, I'm... Oooh !”

****

It was a living nightmare.   
There was the chaos around him of midwives, servants, Thor and Frigga encouraging him to breathe, then to push, to breathe again, to... He wanted to turn them all into stone so they could just shut up and let him try to survive to this at least in peace and quiet.   
There was the pain.   
There was nothing but pain and that huge canon ball that tried to get out of him by such a tiny opening, tearing him apart. At first, he had tried remain dignified, that it would be easy as the birthing team had instructed him but, right now, he was just a mess of sweat, tears and other disgusting things. He wanted to stab someone, he wanted to kill everything and everyone and then kill himself.   
How could he be reduced to this ? A pathetic, obese, wet and bloody mess incapable of doing anything but expel some monster ready to devour him alive.   
He wanted it to stop, he wanted to die.   
And most of all he wanted whiny-baby-Thor that urged him to breathe again to shut up and go to Hell, for the millionth time. 

Before Loki blacked out from the last searing pain that pierced him entirely he heard the chief midwife.

“The Royal Heir is born !”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot is back folks ! I don't know if I will continue being regular on it for the summer but I'll try judt the same. Thanks you all for your reading, comments and support.

She was Thor's, undoubtedly. 

Blond, more handsome than pretty, though she was only a few hours old. She had his regular features and his full red mouth. She was already big which explained why Loki had so much trouble giving birth to her. She would be a mighty woman, very similar to her father. Besides, the moment she uttered her first scream, thunder came out of nowhere though it was a beautifully clear day. Again, daddy's little girl, all right. Frigga had tears in her eyes saying that she was exactly like Thor at the same age. Odin simply smiled. He was content but not exactly ecstatic seeing his first grandchild in his wife's arms.   
Loki knew it was partly because she was a girl. He would have preferred a grandson as heir. It was déjà-vu to Loki and he knew what to do about it.   
The other reason of Odin's displeasure was more important. Again, déjà-vu and an urgent need for Loki to take direct action. 

She might be Asgardian by every aspect of her body but she had the red-blood eyes of a Jötunn child. 

And in this, she was Loki's. 

The minute Loki came back to his senses, a ridiculously weeping, red-faced Thor, bawling his eyes out, put a wailing weird bundle in Loki's weakened arms. While Thor, Frigga and the rest of the medical staff were fussing around, the first thing Loki saw was her eyes. He didn't even know her gender until Frigga told him.   
He had hoped for some sort of revelation, of groundbreaking epiphany, but all he thought was that, indeed, newborns were ugly and noisy.   
He felt nothing. No life-changing experience, no sense of bonding...   
But instead, he had something that counted more and was a more pressing matter.  
Responsibility. A need to take charge and make sure that this little girl won't endure what her dam went through. 

A girl. An Asgardian-looking girl with Jötnar eyes. 

Not a good combination. 

Loki examined Odin's half-smiling face. He was pretending to listen to his wife's happy chat while observing the child. Loki knew that, at this precise moment, Odin's word would matter more than Thor's or Frigga's. The fact that he had not yet proclaimed his decision to make Thor king and abdicate was already a bad sign.   
He was having second thoughts.   
He wanted to be sure that Thor and Loki would ultimately sire a more suitable candidate. The same thing, please, but this time a normal Asgardian male with normal green or blue eyes, brown at the very least, thank you very much. 

No way in Hell, Loki thought. He would see his daughter's cute butt on the throne or die trying. He had his plan.   
If only he could feel love towards her, that would be perfect...

****

The not-yet named little princess was gently sleeping in her silver and white lace cradle shaped in the form of a swan. Cliché, Loki thought, but swans were the symbolic animal for Valkyries and female warriors. At least, Odin might reconsider her as Queen but he definitely saw her as an eventual person of power.   
Yet Loki wouldn't satisfy himself with scraps and, as the child was in her dreamland, her fate was already being decided right here and now. Her “mother” would take care of that, even if it meant making the All-Father an enemy. 

Thor was coming down from the birthing emotional turmoil and from the fresh joy of fatherhood. He had not yet remarked Loki's steady gaze towards Odin. The latter, for once, trying to avoid his son-in-law mute statement. Frigga did. And she knew what was going to happen.   
“My daughter is to be the Royal Heir.”  
Loki has spoken with a weakened but firm voice.   
“She is Thor's firstborn and her parentage is undeniable.”  
He sounded as he had spoken to all asunder but the message was for Odin who adverted his eyes to look at his wife. Frigga remained still, waiting for the rest. Thor raised his head from the cradle, watching everyone, brutally aware that something was going on.   
“Nothing shall prevent her status. She is his daughter and mine, born of legitimate bonds. Even if there would be more children, she would remain the first. She is to be the ruling All-Mother, after her father and grandfather.”  
Loki shot a slow, meaningful glance to Thor, then Frigga and settled on Odin.   
“She won't be sent in some faraway place to be made someone else' whore, married or not, crowned or not. My child is no disposable goods for the glory of Asgard. Furthermore she won't be made a married puppet for a more suitable candidate to the Asgardian throne. If she ever chooses a mate, she won't be put in the shadows for him to rule in her name. ”   
Thor opened his mouth to talk but Frigga shut him up with one gesture. She had guessed what Loki was doing for the baby's sake.   
“Don't you agree ?” Loki said to his father-in-law with an unfaltering gaze. “All-Father ?”

Odin clutched Gungnir so hard it seemed it would break. This was going all wrong. If only it had been a boy ! But now, a girl as heir ? And even worse, with red eyes so her Jötnar lineage would always be reminded to all asunder ?  
It was not really the problem of a female on the supreme instance of power that bothered him. He knew his wife enough to know that male and female were equals in terms of intelligence, means and capacity. The laws of Asgard banned sexism as much as it was possible. The Jötunn eyes were not even really the issue here. Everyone had foreseen she would have some traits from Loki and everyone was getting used to Thor's unusual spouse. It wasn't really a surprise.

The real problem was the other realms.

Odin feared that, as soon his part Asgardian, part Frost Giant granddaughter would be made Queen, all their enemies would start to plot against Asgard and start another war. Several wars. Female rulers were automatically considered as weak and incompetent, attracting any ambitious scrounger to wager on Asgard.  
That was the sad truth. And he was starting to think that Laufey and Farbauti had planned all of this. Having their grandchild as the future queen would help them sneak their way back to Asgard. Perhaps with proposing a Jötnar grandson for royal consort. After all, they would be first cousins and it would be perfect to merge both realms into one with considerably less blood and money !  
Odin felt as if he was going paranoid. Power and responsibilities had this effect on you. This dark scenario was plausible. More than plausible...  
But he was so nervous he didn't realize it could equally apply to a boy heir, red-eyed or not. The fact that it was a princess didn't make it more possible than for a prince.

Odin knew his silence was eerie, that an answer, or a comment at least was expected of him. Yet he couldn't move. He was still hoping...  
“Of course, she is...” He tried. Frigga cast him a glance that could kill. “But she is not even a day old...” He badly joked. Thor looked at his father suspiciously. “ Really, Loki. We have all the time in the world...”  
“No, we don't.” Loki cut. “I want my daughter proclaimed as the Royal Heir. And I want you to swear on the Norns, with the Queen and Prince as witnesses, that her position won't be jeopardized by anything or anyone. Even if she has dozens of younger brothers coming after her.”  
Thor would have laughed at this if Loki's voice hadn't been so cold.   
“Which she definitely won't have, ever, if I am not satisfied on this point.”  
Thor gasped. Odin made a scornful smile. Had he been less stressed, he would have acted with more caution but he had had a hectic day, he was afraid of the prospect of a female heir and Loki was seriously getting on his nerves.   
“Do you think you are irreplaceable ?” Odin said lowly.   
That was an imprudent way to tell Loki he could back off any time with his brat and good riddance. Odin would find a more proper bride to breed proper heirs this time. Loki smiled to Odin and shot a glance destined for Frigga alone that meant “So much for being treated as family, eh ?” She simply rolled her eyes, irritated by the whole masquerade. Odin was about to say more when a desperate cry came from Thor. 

“I won't allow it ! Father, I am married to Loki and we have a child and I won't accept them to be cast off nor will I divorce to marry anyone else !”  
He walked to his father and stuck his face almost touching his nose.   
“My daughter is the Royal Heir and that's final. If you won't swear it on the Norns right here and now, like my husband demanded, I'll leave Asgard with MY family.”  
Odin was about to smack his son in rage (the All-Father was not a violent person, but at this moment, he was too overwhelmed to act rationally) but his wife made a gesture that clearly said “Not a word of argue or there will be retaliation.”  
Loki was amazed, but not really surprised, at Thor's reaction. Thor became a father the minute he knew Loki was pregnant and he would defend his child's best interest as much as Loki would. Except that he was definitely doing it out of love while Loki was doing this for himself. Loki envied him in a way...  
Odin felt he was being beaten this time by his own son and this foreigner runt. He would have laughed at the irony. But he still wanted the last word. Frigga rolled her eyes, knowing what he was thinking about. Her husband was so pigheaded sometimes...  
“Be careful of what you are saying, boy...” Odin was both mad at his son's lack of respect and pleased to see he was finally challenging him for good reasons and not to play the younger alpha male.   
“Please, Father.” Thor scoffed. “I am not five years old anymore, am I ? You may delay my coronation all you want but we are not making any more children to please you unless my daughter is officially made the Royal Heir.” Thor sighed. “One day, I'll have to be king, whether you like it or not. And I'll name her as Heir myself anyhow. So why causing so much distress in this room with my husband not yet recovered from the birth ?”

Odin gave a last look to his wife. She knew that he had to admit defeat.   
“Fine.” He said grudgingly. “Your daughter is to be the Royal Heir.”  
“Swear it on the Norns.” Loki drily said.  
Odin sighed. He was fed up with them all and he still had a kingdom to manage.  
“I swear on the Norns that your daughter is the one and only Royal Heir. There, happy ?”  
“Not yet.” Loki turned to Frigga and Thor. “I want you two to swear it too.” They did, without any more fuss.   
Like this, the fate of the few-hours-old babe had been made. 

Odin left. Loki felt he might have pushed his luck with his father-in-law but he had no choice. Whether he felt anything for his daughter was an issue but she was not to endure what he had been through. No child of his would.   
Thor smiled at the crib again. He didn't seem that much disturbed by the previous scene. Frigga had left them for some privacy not without having cast a smile at Loki and a glance that meant “Nicely played...”  
“Look at her...” Murmured Thor to Loki. “She is to be the next All-Mother and she doesn't even have a name yet...”  
Loki smirked. In truth, it had been the last thing on his mind. Unfortunately, he had no preferences about it.   
“What would you have her called ?” He asked his husband. Thor bit his lips in apparent embarrassment.   
“Well... I really thought she would be a boy and in my head I used to call him... I mean... Her... 'Björn.' But... I never considered girl names...”   
Thor blushed and Loki was surprised at what Thor's words entitled.   
“Björn.” “Strength of a bear.” Thor had made the calculation, as did Loki. He couldn't believe his husband had made the connection. Loki had deduced that the child had been conceived during the brief and intense sex after the bear hunt incident. And, amazingly, Thor had come to the same conclusion. So, the oaf had a brain after all as well as fatherly instinct.   
“Well, maybe not 'Björn,' but how about 'Wynn' ? It is appropriate, don't you think ?” Said Loki.   
“Wynn” meant “Joy.” After all, that was what Loki had partly felt during that same moment.   
“So 'Wynn' she is...” declared Thor happily. “She already is... Joy, I mean.” He hesitated.   
Loki smiled. He was ready to indulge Thor once more, now that the worst was over.   
“Yes, she is.” He replied, smiling softly.

 

****

A few months had passed. Loki was healed and back in Thor's bed. They had resumed their usual life, their routine before the pregnancy. Sex had been a little more difficult for a while. Loki had had a rough moment with the birth but things went back to normal, ultimately. Thor seemed very happy at the very least.   
But life wouldn't be the same anyway. Odin had chosen to resign and prepare his son for his future role as All-Father.   
The palace had been an hectic chaos for the preparation of the coronation. Loki and Thor had less time together. Even if he had a little more peace, Loki felt a bit lonely without the boar snoring next to him in bed. Curiously, he had gotten used to it...  
Now, Loki had to settle down with the weird little bundle of “Joy”... That fruit of his belly he didn't really know how to handle...

The first months had been easy. The child did little less besides eating and sleeping. Wynn had two personal nannies that took care of her meals and hygiene as well as her security. Loki hadn't left his daughter to their capable hands only. He actually did try.   
But it was breastfeeding that caused problems. As usual, in case of Jötnar pregnancies, Loki had developed temporary breasts (to his annoyance and Thor's pleasure) that started leaking at Wynn's first cry for food. Loki could have selected a wet nurse but he wanted to feed her himself. Partly out of duty, partly to prove everyone he was capable of taking care of his own daughter himself.

It hadn't been good. Loki didn't like the feeling (it hurt even when Thor simply touched his chest so a baby with a greedy mouth...) and he did his best to endure but the child must have felt his reluctance for she quickly stopped and switched to baby bottles to gain more weight.   
Frigga assured Loki that sometimes, those kind of things happened and that didn't mean the mother was incompetent or unloving.   
Yet Loki felt it like a failure. 

Wynn was a mystery. Sometimes she acted as a perfectly normal baby, as babbling and crying as any other ordinary infant. And sometimes she seemed to spy on everyone and take in every information about the people surrounding her.   
In fact, it could be assumed as a normal-baby behavior, except that with her unusual eyes she made everyone uncomfortable each time she was silently examining someone. Including her sire and dam. “Frost Giant spawn...” Loki heard once or twice in court. Yet, the child's legitimacy was safe, so Loki didn't care for retribution. Let them choke on their own venom, they'd all have to bow to his daughter someday... He couldn't help laughing, be amazed and embarrassed in the same time. Her red-blood eyes, so similar to Loki's in his original form, could give her an ancient look when intently focused on something.  
Thor was totally soft with his firstborn and didn't seem that much bothered when she was gazing at Mjölnir's light with a strange expression on her face (as much as an expression on a baby's face can be defined as “strange...”). Frigga sometimes considered her granddaughter with amusement when the baby seemed to try to understand what was her grandmother was doing but said nothing much. Only Odin was distant from the royal infant. He still had the oath incident on his mind and he was anxious about this unwanted heir's capacities. Yet, he knew his mouth had been shut forever the day he took the oath, so...

Days, weeks, months passed and the big day for Thor finally came.   
For a coronation, it was rather simple. The whole court, in all its grandeur, had been assembled in the grand throne room that could contain a small town.   
Odin was sitting on his throne, for the last time apparently, carrying his ceremonial armor, his son kneeling in front of him, having removed his feathered helmet and put Mjölnir on his side. Frigga was on Odin's right and Loki on his left with little princess Wynn in his arms. Thor's closed friends were making the guard of honor on the throne's stairs.   
Needless to say, after the vows, the sitting of Thor on the throne, the passing of Gungnir and the usual rejoicing, Loki was a little tired and the baby was stirring for her nap. Short after Thor's crowning was Loki's, as official Royal Consort and the baby's as Royal Heir. Loki had a beautiful crown made of silver and diamonds, astutely mixing designed branches symbolizing Yggdrasil and tiny ice peaks for Jötunheim. A diplomatic way to recall the treaty of peace which was cementing Loki and Thor's marriage.   
Or maybe Thor had demanded it this way to please Loki. Deep inside, Loki surprised himself by hoping it was the case.   
Wynn whined when her father put on her the most adorable baby crown made of a single circle of gold with encrusted multi-colored precious gems. All burst into cheers and applause when Thor declared that his reign was beginning with a public display of love for his family, his kingdom and his people. 

Cuuuuuute, mockingly cooed a familiar voice inside Loki's head. Not you again... Loki thought. Well, well, well, I am just saying... Continued Missy-Prissy in its annoying tone, just like in fairy tales. And they lived happily ever after... And yet, you continue to assert you feel nothing but simple liking at the very best for your husband, not to mention your kid... Loki cringed. The voice pursued and wouldn't stop until it has said everything.   
You are forgetting something in your happy, rosy ending... It said. It is not a happy, rosy ending, Loki angrily thought, not by a long stretch...

The Casket, the voice cut. 

Loki made a gasp he had to stifle when he realized people were watching him curiously.   
What about the Casket ? He thought, trying to remain impassive.   
Nothing, sneered the voice, just that you have conveniently wallowed in self-pity and forgot about this piece. The Casket. What about it ? Loki could have screamed out loud.   
Just be careful about the Casket... Said the voice lowly. Watch over Thor...   
And with that, it was gone. 

 

****

Loki couldn't sleep or think about anything else but the Casket of Ancient Winters for days during the celebration and after it. Thor had to beg him to get some sleep, with all the fuss and the baby and all. 

Loki couldn't explain the reason why he was fretting all around.   
The Casket, the damn Casket of Ancient Winters, his Norns-forsaken homeland treasure was still locked up in the palace's vaults, glowing and waiting with increasing rage.   
Loki had completely obliterated it, his mind being absorbed with his daughter. He had actually thought Odin had let it go back to Jötunheim as part of the Prize of War and that his sire wouldn't use it against his son's new country for fear of damaging the peace. So Loki thought the matter more or less settled. 

It wasn't. A quick investigation revealed to Loki that it was still in the vaults, gathering for an eventual incoming storm. 

Loki was the Jötunn that spend the most time and care studying the mighty Casket of Ancient Winters.   
He was also the only one to have only barely perceived its most deadliest possibilities.   
He had discovered, sometime before Odin attacked his parents' fortress and took Loki as hostage, that the Casket might have the power to wipe off half of the Nine Realms. If not all of them.  
In fact, if Loki was totally honest with himself, before the Thor incident, he was considering telling his sire to destroy it as soon as possible.

Frost Giants prided themselves of being the keepers for this very old and dark force but, for having broken some of its deepest protection barriers, Loki had been wondering if it wasn't the other way around. The Casket seemed to be a magical intelligence on its own and not only a magical device. It seemed to possess people more than being controlled by them.

Which was the reason why it was much more dangerous than anything possible. 

Loki had no proof of it. Only suspicions. Yet, Jötnar culture was rather mysterious. Frost Giants were supposed to be born from the remains of the great ice giant Ymir (yet, that was the case of almost all the living creatures, according to the legends...), more precisely from his frozen skin that explained their link to ice, the particular feature of their kind.   
Yet Loki had doubts about it. He had found clues in his research that maybe, a very long time ago, Jötunn were once born different, closer in looks to the Aesir than the creatures they were now. Loki had this theory that the creation or the discovery of the Casket made them into Frost Giants, modifying their living and organism, shaping them and organizing them in the form it desired to destroy and conquer...  
A far fetched theory but, thinking about it, it appeared probable...

****

Loki had managed to sneak his way into the Palace's vaults. It wasn't so hard. His new royal status made him second only to Thor and the latter had no idea what he was doing. No Einherjar would have the gall to thwart the Royal Consort, not without direct orders anyway.

There it was. Right in the center of the room and from far away, Loki could feel its pull. Maybe it had been bidding his time, maybe even the Missy-Prissy Voice was a creation it made through his brain. He couldn't say.   
All he could see and think about was this blue glow in the darkness, calling for him.   
Loki had to focus on his meditation training not to rush on it and grab it. It seemed that it had fed on Loki's rage and frustration for months of grief and angst. It made sense. If the Casket created Frost Giants, it needed a Frost Giant, even a runt one (maybe especially a runt one...), to carry on. Loki's anger must have been a feast, not to mention Loki's magic which indeed must have helped.   
But, though he was currently thinking that and knowing that he could not trust the device, Loki couldn't help dragging his feet slowly to the altar where the Casket was put on display. He was seeing himself doing it without being able to stop it. 

He was standing next to it but his arms felt as they were made of lead.   
He couldn't move and remained like this, fascinated by the blue and white lights, twirling and swirling under the pattern of bronze. He couldn't avert his eyes. He was, once again, overwhelmed by the same need to destroy, to kill, to tear, to rip, to...

“NO, MA ! NOOO !”

The blood-curdling scream made Loki's heart jump in his throat. It gave him such a fright that he forgot any blood lust he might have felt. He turned around, rather angered by the commotion, only to see a screaming and kicking Wynn in her distraught nanny's arms.   
“I am so sorry, All-Moth... your Majesty... She knew you were here, I don't known how... she wouldn't calm down...” Babbled the poor woman.   
“MAAAA ! MAAAA ! NOOO !!”   
Wynn was bubbling with tears and snot with a look of despair she had never shown before. Loki grabbed his daughter who stopped her thrashing but sobbed abundantly on her dam's shoulder. Loki petted her but nothing seemed to calm her terror and while the nanny was still trying to awkwardly explain, Loki remarked several things. 

Like her sire, not so long ago, Wynn had saved this country by preventing Loki from using the Casket. It could be a coincidence but Loki didn't believe much in coincidences. 

Furthermore, the first words Wynn ever said to her dam were words of sorrow and fear.  
And the first emotion Loki felt about it was an unknown pang in his heart. 

 

****

Wynn had refused to take a nap until her dam had put her in her crib himself and sang to her the Jötnar lullaby she liked to help her get to sleep. She was still so upset that she kept doing big sighs of grief in her slumber. Loki was very close to a sobbing crisis himself. Too much emotions and changes of mind in too little time. He didn't have a minute to proceed through what he was currently feeling. 

Not so long ago, with Thor out of the way, he would have grabbed the damn Casket without a second thought.   
But now, there was the child...   
And Thor, well, Thor was the child's true sire...  
Loki couldn't feel anything while thinking of them but he still had a feeling of decency, responsibility and fear for their lives. 

The last one was completely new and incomprehensible.

There was no way in Hel he was letting the Casket in Asgard, near his child and his child's father.   
He had to go back to Jötunheim, he had to try to settle things down with his own sire and dam. He had to persuade Odin and Laufey to agree on a mutual decision about the Casket, the only one sensible enough. 

Laufey and Odin had to agree on getting rid of it for good. 

Loki had no idea how much Odin and Thor knew about that thing. He didn't even know why it was still in Asgard. He had no idea about how to breach the subject to either of them without looking suspicious. 

He went to Thor's personal office. He never went there usually but he hoped his husband would be there and he planned to talk to him about Frigga's agreement or at least try to guess his knowledge about the casket or whatever...  
Yet, Thor wasn't there and Loki decided to wait for him there. There was not be any witnesses to this. 

He was idly looking at Thor's desk. The whole room was horribly messy, as usual... Thor had very little sense of filing and organization. Funny that, apart from this, he was far from bad as a ruler. There was a tremendous amount of crushed papers on the oak and gold table. Loki let his eyes roam on the various letters, finding nothing interesting.   
Then he remarked that the papers were more in disarray than they used to be. As if Thor had been searching through it in a hurry. Then he remarked that it was particularly hot in the room. The fire was more powerful than Thor wanted it to be normally. Someone had augmented the fire with...

Tiny charred pieces of paper escaped from the flames. Loki realized that Thor, or someone else, had destroyed some documents. Without thinking, Loki tried to retrieve a half-burnt piece, unfortunately, whoever did it had sufficient time to make a good deal of it unreadable.   
Some words were still clear though and made Loki's veins go cold...   
“Loki”... “Marriage”... “Jötunheim”.... “Peace”...   
And a curious reference of Wynn as “Niece”...

And the word “Casket.”  
Several times. 

Then Loki recognized the writing. It had changed a bit, it seemed more mature but it was definitely his. Loki remembered the plump little blue giant, smiling in his distant memories. 

Býleistr.

Thor had letters written by Býleistr, babbling about Loki, their family and most of all the cursed Casket. 

If there were written for Thor, it meant that he had a secret exchange with his younger brother, the third Jötnar Prince, the perfect one... The one that many would have preferred on the throne instead of Loki-the-runt and Helblindi-the-fool.   
It made sense. Býleistr was old enough to grow restless in being the outsider in the political chess. But why would he need Thor ? 

Was Býleistr plotting with Thor ? 

Had Býleistr some kind of connection with everything that happened to Loki ? It made him sick just imagining the dear, sweet, funny little brother of his former life linked to this mess. And why would Thor burn his letters and why …

“Loki ?”

Loki raised his head slowly. He knew who it was and he had some serious explaining to do. 

“Husband,” Loki started with a quivering voice. “We need to talk.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, folks ! The beginning of real action. Enjoy !

“What are you and my brother doing ?”  
Loki showed the remain of the burned letter to his husband. Thor was mute and had an empty look on his face. Loki had sufficiently lived with Thor to know that was the face he made when trying to find a way to answer properly.   
Loki was not going to give him a chance to waltz out of the matter. 

“You are writing to Býleistr. Or he is to you... Whatever. Why ?”  
Thor looked right and left, clearly at lost and cursing himself for having been so careless around his papers.  
“You had no right to search my private stuff !” He tried to sound indignant but Loki couldn't be fooled.  
Thor was incapable of lying or making excuses. When he had no other choice, he got scared and panicky and it showed. Frigga said that it might be a handicap for the art of politics where lying could be a second language...   
Anyway, it was impossible for Thor to lie in front of his angered spouse.

“You are plotting something with him ! Tell me !”  
Thor was closing and opening his mouth like a stupid fish. It made Loki go way over the edge.   
“TELL ME !!” Loki screamed on the top of his lungs. Never had he raised his voice in front of his husband. Never.  
Loki was downright angry but, deep inside, he was also terrified. Terrified of what he was going to learn now, of what might have occurred behind his back... And he was hurt by the lack of trust. He thought that, for all his defects, Thor was at least completely honest with him. The fact that he had always been cautious and not open with Thor at all times didn't bother Loki. Right now, he was too upset to admit it was simply logical that Thor sometimes kept secrets from him...  
Thor had hidden things from him and that was the only idea on his mind. Worse, he had connections with another member of his cursed family. He could wipe them all from the surface of Jötunheim right now. It did not occur to Loki that by not wanting any kind of communication with his own kin, it was only natural that they tried to contact someone else. Thor being the best option.

Loki grabbed his husband's collar. Ordinarily, Thor wouldn't have accepted such aggression. He would have thrown Loki to the ground. His only reaction was to cast his eyes down as if being ashamed. For some reason, it made Loki even madder.   
“TALK ! I swear I won't give you a second of peace unless you talk to me !!”  
Loki was almost choking Thor but there was no resistance.   
“Loki, please, I cannot... Try to understand...”  
Loki was scary. His eyes were almost out of his sockets with rage. His face was so red and hot, he thought he was going to burst. Yet, Thor remained calm. Resigned to insults, hits or worse. Submissive but still in control. It simply made Loki insane with fury. The stupid oaf thought he was so damn smart and superior. Loki simply had it. 

“If you won't talk, I'll make you.”   
Thor had a shiver down his spine hearing his spouse's tone of voice. He had never heard such threatening growling before.   
For one tiny moment, he thought Loki was going to kill him. And there was nothing he could, or would, do to prevent him.

Loki pulled the edges of Thor's collar and pulled him onto the bed. Curiously, it was rather easy in spite of Thor's strength and big frame.   
“Tell me or I swear...”  
Loki tore every layer of leather and fabric remaining on Thor's torso. It must have hurt him but Thor made no move to prevent him. Loki was in no condition to hear reason.   
“I'll bite you, kill you, destroy you...”  
And to make his point clear, Loki bit his throat ruthlessly. It was not something done in playful and tender foreplay as they used to. No, it was meant to cause pain. Thor bit on his lower lip and let Loki do it. He breathed heavily for Loki was using his teeth with full force. He drew blood and no little.   
“Talk, talk, TALK !!”   
Thor was partially naked for Loki had literally ripped off his costume with each scream of rage. Thor was mesmerized by this new kind of beast his husband had become. Wasn't he in such a difficult situation, incapable of actually talking, he would have been extremely aroused.   
But for some perverse reason, his body had decided he would be aroused anyway, no matter what his brain told him about the sanity of the situation... 

Loki had blood in his eyes and ears and, for the first time ever, it was as if Thor was under his total and complete domination. Loki had always felt less than his husband and now said husband was under his control, bare and vulnerable. Thor was visibly unable to explain himself so it was impossible for him to resist Loki, unless he talked.   
Loki went down and took Thor on his mouth, feeling the familiar salty taste. Thor was already pretty hard. Rough sex with Loki had always been one of Thor's favorites. He was going to have the show of his life, Loki promised himself.   
He gave another very vicious bite that made Thor yelp and gasp. Loki had a glimpse of a flushed and embarrassed Thor. It gave him an excruciating pleasure.   
“You'll pay... You'll pay for all of this...”  
“Loki, please...”

Those were the last coherent words Thor ever said during the following minutes. Loki had used his teeth and tongue and made Thor mewl so hard his voice was hoarse now.   
Loki was way over the edge and in pain but he couldn't stop. It was retribution time. 

Loki grabbed “little Mjölnir” none too gently. It made Thor hiss. Loki couldn't care less. He impaled himself on the martyred part and it made Thor gasp louder. Loki was straddling Thor, breathing heavily. He was in such a hurry he had forgotten about preparing himself and Thor felt as huge as ever.   
“Please, Loki, let me...”   
Thor tried to reach a hand to his demented spouse, trying to ease the coupling, only to be answered by a swatting of his hand.   
“Unless it is to tell me what this conspiracy is about, just shut up and be still. I have no interest in your comfort. Or mine.”   
Thor held his tongue and closed his eyes, wishing he secretly wouldn't like this insane, sexy Loki. That his husband wouldn't be so incredibly attractive when completely mad. 

He also wished it wouldn't hurt too much but, considering how furious Loki was, he had very little hope. 

****

When they both woke up, they couldn't tell how long they've been at it. 

They had finally broken the bed frame. It was bound to happen, with all their usual exertions. But this time, they had done it. And hitting the floor so violently had given them an added shot of extreme pain-pleasure that had made them both scream. The servants had come to see if they were all right but the beastly growling Loki had given them made them run away for their lives. The king and “queen” had a scary way to increase the number of their heirs. 

They had fought as well as fucked, screamed like madmen unless they were too weak to utter a sound. Thor had a bad bruise on his face from a final slap Loki had thrown when Thor had tried for the last time to reason with him. And it was not the only one he had received. He was covered with teeth marks. Loki had scratches all over his back and some of his shiny black hair was on the floor near the soiled and torn bed-cover.   
They were mute, trying to catch their breath. Thor was still in the middle of what used to be the center of the mattress. He was worn out and dirty. Loki was sitting on what remained of the edge. His head down, his back on Thor. He was exhausted. His rage spent. He felt like he had hit rock bottom and all of this was for nothing.   
Thor had remained silent. Well, at least about the important matter.   
And now Loki had lost it and shown the worst facet of his personality. His latent madness.   
He had never felt so humiliated before...

Thor was waiting for his heart to beat back to normal and for his head to stop swimming. He hoped that Loki would do the first move, would speak first.   
But he was prostrated and silent. And Thor couldn't see his facial expression.   
Thor had tried to touch his back, to reach out to him in a normal, loving way, hoping that Loki would accept being touched and pulled into Thor's arms, hoping that they could talk like rational godly beings, that they could leave this madness behind...  
But he was so weak his arm fell limply by his side and he couldn't rise it again. He felt stupid. The Mighty Thor reduced to a sex-crazed pile of jelly...  
And he couldn't even reach to his own husband.   
The silence was unnerving. 

“Loki...”  
“Shut up.”   
They were both hoarse and sounded as horrible as they felt. Loki rose from the bed, carefully avoiding Thor's eyes. Part because he was still furious and hurt, part because he was ashamed.   
“Loki... Please...”  
Loki refused to turn around for fear of showing any sign of what he thought was weakness.   
“We are done.”

His voice came shockingly clear. Thor wasn't sure he had heard right with all this buzzing in his ear.   
“You have your throne, your realm in peace and an heir. I gave you more than I could actually give...”  
Thor tried to stand up but his legs were wobbly.   
“What are you... I don't understand...”  
Loki turned around to finally face Thor. He was cold, expressionless. It scared Thor more than anything else for Loki had always shown one tiny bit of feeling, even at his worst. And now, he was actually displaying absolutely nothing.   
“I have enough. I am leaving.”  
It was as if someone had shoved a sword into Thor's chest. He had a very misplaced and weird thought : “So, this is what you feel when you are ripped apart... Battle fights are really a horrible thing when you are at the other end of the blade...” He didn't know why he had this in his mind. He was feeling numb.  
“Good bye, Thor.”  
Loki was making for his bathrobe that was abandoned on a nearby armchair. His sluggish movement was stopped by Thor's hand. Loki noticed that the grip was meant to be strong but was in fact rather lame. The balance of power had shifted...  
“What are you doing ?!”  
Loki tried to escape the grip but it was firm enough to hold him.   
“I told you. I am going back home.”  
“This is your home !!”   
Thor's voice was getting higher and louder with panic. His brain couldn't cope with what his mind was telling him. Loki was not going out for a walk. Loki was going for good...

No one left Thor.   
Ever. 

Thor didn't mean to get violent but he was overloaded by grief, contradictory feelings and he was still hurting from their last session. His blood was rushing too fast and his heart felt about to burst. Furthermore, Thor's biggest default was his over-sized pride and arrogance and it had been received a very bad blow.   
So he was incapable of thinking calmly and rationally. Hence the final outburst that led to catastrophe. 

He had grabbed Loki with the force of despair to force him to stop and listen to his husband. Unfortunately, he had forgotten that Loki was also a warrior with military training at least equivalent to Thor's. Loki's answer was immediate impulse due to this very training. A reaction to being attacked, no matter by whom.   
So, Loki spun around, as fast as lightning, to smash Thor full force on the face and get to his throat. When he realized what he was doing, it was too late to stop and Thor was in a massive rage.  
He roared the same way he did in battle when things went hectic. He was seeing red and he was totally confused, obsessed by the primitive idea of keeping what was HIS under his control. His kingdom, his child, his marriage... His treacherous lover-husband, the only one who had power over him...   
That was why he brutally punched Loki in the stomach. What remained of Thor's sanity screamed in agony that, by doing that, Thor was destroying everything they had. Not to mention there was a risk Loki might be pregnant again. Unfortunately, he was too far gone.   
Loki couldn't breathe and fell to the ground. Thor was about to strike again when he saw Loki's face turning blue and thought with horror that he had just killed his husband by asphyxiation. 

But it wasn't a blue out of lack of oxygen. It was the deep blue that used to be Loki's skin. His green eyes were slowly turning blood-red. He was back in Jötunn mode. Because of Thor's moment of craziness...  
“You... Pig... You... Oaf... YOU ASSHOLE !!!”  
Loki's mouth looked like a burning furnace of fiery hot rage. He was in a terrible pain and it prevented him to control his Jötnar appearance over his Aesir one. 

Thor wanted to play rough ? Loki was going to gave him the MOTHER of playing rough. 

Loki unleashed his most powerful spell. 

The tornado. 

Thor wasn't the only one to control the weather...

Two whole garrisons of Einherjar, Odin and what used to be his spear, Tyr and his sword and several other High-born Aesir barely managed to contain the fighting couple, not to say enter into the bursting hell-hole of madness they had turned their apartments into. 

Only Frigga stopped the whole chaos by putting a sleeping spell on her son and her son-in-law.

****

“Let's see... You two almost killed each other and your whole retinue. If the nannies and the Princess weren't playing in the northern gardens, you would have put them in danger too...”  
Frigga was pacing to and fro in a mocking listing mode that simply hid her monstrous anger. Between her sat the two culprits, badly damaged and mute. She stopped in her tracks to stare at Loki right in the eyes. The eye that were not blackened, meaning.   
“Your daughter is fine, by the way. Thank you very much.”  
Thor sighed heavily.   
“I said not a word.” Frigga snapped.   
Thor was about to gnarl that he was All-Father now and free to do as it pleased him but it was still his mother in front of him. She might be only the dowager All-Mother now, but she remained the most powerful of all goddesses in Asgard and probably the most dangerous. 

Besides, he was so ashamed of himself he preferred letting his mother try to calm things down. He couldn't look at Loki in the eyes anymore. He knew that he was greatly responsible for the disaster and, most of all, that he had hit the one he couldn't hope to still call his husband now...

“So, if any of you has set his mind on starting a genocide on your own people, please, do inform us so that we wouldn't be surprised when you'll be blowing the roof, the walls and the entire royal suite to smithereens again !”  
Her voice was controlled rage ready to burst into their face. They would be terrified if both of them didn't feel so numb and stupid.  
“Because then your abysmally foolish craziness might be useful in our next war ! Why, instead of sacrificing legions of noble and worthy warriors, we will just throw you two insane cats in a bag ! Right in front of the enemy's troops so they can be distracted by the fine show of the great Thor All-Father and his Royal Consort skinning each other to death !”

She stopped again to see them both. She was red and shaking and had tears in her eyes. The last time Thor had seen her like that was when he was a very young boy and had used the horses without his parents' permission. He had almost killed himself trying to ride Odin's personal stallion and that was one of the rare times his mother had slapped him. 

She stood there, slowly looking at one and the other. She couldn't let them see how lost and terrified she was.   
Nothing had gone the way she had hoped. And now this.   
She feared that if Loki and Thor were in the same room, on their own, ever again, they wouldn't survive it.   
Meaning there was only one way to avoid the worst.  
She had to make the decision. For the greater good.   
The hardest thing she had to do. Ever. 

“You cannot go on like this...”  
Her voice had become calmer. Loki remained expressionless but Thor was fretting. He knew his mother. When she went from total controlled rage to perfect calm, it was because her mind was settled on what to do and no one could oppose it.   
“I don't know the particulars of your... disagreement but they led to such violence that I think a temporary break is now necessary.”  
Thor was about to yell something but a firm movement of hand from Frigga prevented it. Thor knew that, if there was one thing he had no power on, it was Frigga's absolute say about everything concerning love, relationships of any kind, families of any sort and children. She was the almighty Goddess of Matrimony as well as the keeper of the Law. He was bind by the Norns themselves to obey his mother if she thought something was wrong in a couple or in a trial judgment. 

Is she wanted him to divorce Loki, there was nothing he could do. 

“I so now declare that Loki will go on a diplomatic trip in his homeland, in his sire's court. Officially, he will make sure the terms of our treaty are respected... Unofficially... You two need some time alone to think about all of this. Each of you on his own.”  
Loki's blurred mind recorded only two facts. One, Frigga had kept her share of the bargain. This marriage was a failure and he was going home. Two, she was not telling Mama's boy about said bargain.   
Such a perfect family where everyone was lying to and hiding from everyone...

Loki was so glad to be out of it...   
So glad...   
So, so glad...

No, he felt nothing while seeing Thor's look of horror. He felt nothing when Thor locked eyes with his, giving him the most horribly pleading gaze Loki ever saw on this radiant, arrogant face. No, nothing at all...  
“You can't...” murmured the new All-Father that never looked so vulnerable to his mother before. Not even when he was a tiny babe. It simply broke her heart but there was nothing she could do.   
“You have to.” She tried to say with a steady voice. She was ready to crumble. “I am trying to see every possibility that may happen if you two stayed together right now... All of them lead to tragedy.”  
Loki turned his head. It was a reflex to hide his contentment. It was certainly not to avoid Thor's obvious destruction.   
He wanted a quick exit to be able to pack and run as fast as he could. To put Thor and Asgard behind as soon as possible and with the minimum of useless sentimental fuss.   
Of course, Thor had to make a spectacle of his despair. When all was said and done, it seemed normal from Thor's point of view. Yet Loki told himself it was none of his concern anymore.   
“Please !” Bellowed Thor, as if holding back any longer would make him spontaneously burst. “Please, Loki ! I beg you, you can't !”  
“Thor, don't make this even harder than it is.”   
Loki felt a pang of deep shame. He didn't know why he had that guilty feeling. Totally irrelevant. He was going home, for Norns' sake !  
“Loki ! You can't abandon our daughter ! Think of your child !”  
Never Thor had sounded so desperate. It was a knife through Loki's brain. He was out of patience.   
“She has a father. And grandparents. She's not an orphan !”  
“Wynn NEEDS her MOTHER !!”

They were once again one facing the other, both ready to throw punches again. If it wasn't for Frigga, standing in the middle, raising her arm to keep them in control, they would be fighting again and this time, destroying the whole castle in the bargain.   
Loki was mad because Thor was hitting the right spot meant to hurt. He didn't know if he was mad at Thor for the guilt about Wynn or for putting her first before their marriage. As if whatever they had together was secondary to the child. Deep inside, Loki knew he was wrong and Thor was right but he was so hurt by the last events and he didn't really have time to calm down and think. He only wanted everyone and everything to feel as worn-out, damaged and shitty as he was right now. 

“I don't care.” He hissed with all the venom he could spat at Thor. “I don't give a fucking damn about you or your brat. I want to go home and never see your stupid pig face EVER AGAIN !”

And on these words engorged with hate, he turned around and left. 

****

The rest came as a blur.   
Loki and Thor didn't see each other again during the preparations of Loki's trip back home. All his belongings could not be sent at once, so only the necessary stuff was set.   
The rest will wait a bit just in case...  
Or so Frigga hoped. 

Loki remained secluded. Officially, he was getting ready and too busy to attend his regular obligations. Like Thor, he had been given the guest apartment on the west side of the castle. Thor was in the east side. It was temporary, until the royal chambers were fit again. Yet, it was convenient. Frigga ignored her son's pleadings to let him talk to Loki. She knew it was pointless and risky. Thor was withering from anguish and also from the fact that he had no one to confide into, apart from his mother.   
Frigga, Loki and Thor had silently agreed to maintain an official appearance of serenity. No one knew about the internal crisis. Odin had managed to pass the destruction of the suite as an accident due to a misuse of Mjölnir. How anyone came to believe that Thor didn't know...   
After that, like that midgardian chief of old who used to let innocent people get killed, Odin washed his hands of the matter. He was against this union since the beginning and he didn't have any soft feelings for Loki. Especially after the way he had been forced to acknowledge Wynn as Royal Heir... Frigga gave him the cold shoulder for a long while, for his total lack of support for their grieving son.   
So Thor had to smile, and laugh, and act the powerful and in-control All-Father to all asunder, including his dearest friends, while his very soul was being shredded and slowly destroyed. 

Loki, on his part, was in the same misery. The only difference was that he couldn't tell if he felt relieved, sad, distressed, depressed, guilty or ashamed. His heart was a total chaos.   
Frigga and Thor had arranged for Loki to remain with Wynn. Sweet, adorable Wynn who seemed not to realize the upcoming dissolution of her parents' marriage. She only appeared thrilled to be with her Ma all the time. Usually, Ma was always busy with something or the other, like Pa. They had no time to play or sing with Baby Wynn the way she liked.   
Loki tried to put on a brave face and make the most of those precious counted times with his daughter. 

Most likely, they wouldn't see each other again. They might even become enemies one day.   
He wanted her to remember him as someone who tried to be a real dam to her. Even if he didn't know how...

So time fled as fast as the blink of an eye. And then came the day Loki had to go.

****

Never Thor and Loki had been surrounded by such a massive crowd, not even for their marriage or Thor's coronation.   
Because never before had they felt more lonely and isolated, separated by light years of anger and deceit.

If Thor had his way he would have snatched Loki and sent him to the vaults to force him to listen to him.   
But All-Fathers did not mistreat their spouses, or ex-spouses. Even if it was to save what remained of their marriages.   
Thor was playing the part of the dutiful husband sending his beloved consort away to a diplomatic trip when he just wanted to howl his rage and despair and throw Mjölnir in every direction to manifest his bottomless horror.   
To deepen his distress, Loki took care not to betray any kind of emotion. Not even when he put a worried Wynn into her nanny's arms, trusting her to her father for good, hoping that Thor, or Frigga would do a better job at loving the child than he did. 

This might be the last time he would ever set eyes on Loki and, because he didn't trust himself and they were surrounded by the whole lot of Asgard, he couldn’t even touch him. 

There was nothing he could do, nothing he could say to prevent this madness.   
And he couldn't imagine his life, or his daughter's, without Loki.

He had wanted to throw himself at Loki's feet in front of his people and beg him to stay.   
The moment he could have done it passed and there was nothing more. 

Without further ado, Loki took his mare and the lead of his retinue. The whole time of the ceremony he had maintained a perfectly dignified expression. He went off without a glance back. 

When Wynn started crying and yelling and calling for her Ma to come back, Loki hurried his horse and headed to the Bifröst, holding back his tears.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello folks ! Here's the new one hope you'll like it ! I've got my own tumblr now : http://saralaurensmagalona.tumblr.com/ and I will also post my things there. Have fun !

Loki had been surprised by the cold.   
That very same cold which was the very first thing he felt in his whole life...

And yet he was in his Jötunn form again... he didn't understand. Never had he felt the bite of eternal winters before. Not until he had changed into his Aesir form. But once he was back into his normal state, everything should be as it used to be... It had to.

Yet, even his skin felt strange, as if he had a thin unknown layer of flesh that had never been his …

On the road to the capital, he had hoped that the feeling would disappear. When his Asgardian retinue left him for his Jötunn one, he had thought himself being reborn at the sight of his fellow Jötnar, with their giantness, their blueness, their tribal marks similar to his own...

Except that he had forgotten that he was still a runt. A cast-out runt married to the worst fiend ever to the Frost Giants.   
Their repressed smirks, their discreet sneers, their pretended deference to their King's first born which was a cover-up for their utter contempt for the one they considered as a royal cripple and a diplomatic whore was so obvious Loki felt it like a brutal slap.   
Back to reality. 

He refused to acknowledge his first dreary feeling that maybe, possibly, he had made a mistake.   
He knew he wasn't going to be welcome. His coming back, all things put aside would be considered as a political failure. Officially, no repudiation had been pronounced, no divorce had been publicly processed. Loki was still supposed to be “on vacation.” But his situation was on hiatus. And the fact that he wasn't carrying the Royal Princess along with him to be presented to his parents' court was not a good sign.   
Besides, though he recognized every rock, every icy blue mountain, every blast of wind, every frozen city they came across, even after all his time in Asgard, for once in his life, he didn't feel at home in Jötunheim. 

At all.   
He was devastated. 

****

The beautiful ice Palace was exactly the same as he had left it, years ago. Loki had tears in his eyes when he recognized the gardens he used to play with as a child with his brothers. The gardens where the snow was shiny white and where he had fallen in love with...

His heart was beating too fast. 

He was going to see him again. Loki felt as if his chest was going to burst with joy. He was going to see him again. They were both married and changed. A huge wall of betrayal, anger and misunderstanding was between them. But he was going to see him again. They were not the two sweet runts isolated in their muffled world of pure white and professing their love to each other. He was mad at him for having discarded him so lightly. And yet...  
And yet, only one thought was on Loki's mind, helping him to ease his coming back. And unfortunately also preventing him to see the truth...

He was going to see him again. He was going to see him again. At last, at very, very long last, he was going to see him again. 

Part of Loki (including Missy Prissy's voice who was deliberately jeering in the background of his mind) was telling him he was totally insane. The one whose sight he was craving like water after a drought had been a complete and utter jerk and a liar, a backstabbing slut. Maybe he had nothing to do with the invasion of the fortress, he had nothing to do with Loki being sold away to Thor and Asgard. Maybe...

Deep inside, Loki knew Angrbodr was the reason why he couldn't feel anything for Thor, why he couldn't love the child his husband gave him.   
Because, no matter how much he claimed hating the man, he was still haunted by him. 

And he was going to see him again. 

****

Loki was overwhelmed by the sight of these beloved halls, the tall columns and transparent walls that decorated his sire's throne room. He spotted the little corner where him and his brothers used to play with puppets and plush toys and pretend to be warriors carrying swords made out of wood. He felt tears in his eyes when he recognized a very old Jötnar scholar that used to be his professor in ancient literature and diction. The poor dear soul had turned senile at 45000 years old and was now sitting on his chair on the far end of the room with the other elderly, drooling and mumbling an incomprehensible litany. Such a brilliant mind back to infancy and cast out with the other Jötunn who were too old now to be of any use.   
Loki had a terrible shiver down his spine. What about his own future ? His professor had been once one of the most respected amongst the elite of Jötunheim and now he was just a forgotten shadow... 

So, what of Loki ? He was a prince, an (almost) king, a scholar and a mighty sorcerer. But none of these things protects you from the inevitable. Age and decay gave you nothing left to hope for. 

Loki's dark musings were stopped by the sight of two younger Jötnar coming to the old professor's side. Probably his grandchildren or great grandchildren. They respectfully swiped his drool and comfortably set him back in his chair. They showed so much care and tenderness for their relative (that didn't even acknowledge them as he was lost into his dream world) that Loki was about to cry. At least, the old man was not on his own. He had people who loved him and watched for him. 

Loki realized he was on the highest social rank compared to his professor but he had no one by his side. 

Even though he was back in his home world, his family, he was on his own, totally on his own...

This dreary thought was interrupted by a joyous cry and sounds of running feet. 

“Elder brother !” 

An almost adult Jötunn ran to Loki and embraced him, almost choking him in the bargain.   
Býleistr. He had grown so much Loki had not recognized him at once. He had left the childish white fabric garments, young Frost Giants use to wear, for leather one that matched his warrior status. His baby fat was totally gone, replaced by well-toned muscles and his markings on his face were fresh, meaning that he had just performed and succeeded his coming-of-age trial and ceremony. 

Loki's feelings while being hugged were contradictory. On one side, he was moved by seeing his darling baby brother so grown, the only one he had missed the most.   
On the other, he was dying to slap the noisy brat and demand what the Hell was going on between Thor and him. 

But now was not the time for confrontation and he hugged back, holding back tears that were as emotional as they were angry and kissed his brother fondly and, deep down, sincerely. The sight of Býleistr was his first comfort since he had left Asgard.   
While Býleistr was happily chatting, Loki remarked a rather chubby and stern looking Frost Giant that he immediately recognized. It was Helblindi, Loki was sure of it, always sulking and silently judging everyone and everything. Contrary to Býleistr he had not changed that much except that now he wore the golden circle of the Royal Heir on his brow, that same golden circle that Loki used to wear in a smaller version.   
And Loki had a hunch that Helblindi was not going to let it go, not without his life and certainly not to his Aesir Whore of a brother...   
The two siblings exchanged a nod and civilities that meant nothing to them. Loki had always been closer to Býleistr than Helblindi, this spoiled brat of their dam that resented Loki so much. For if Býleistr looked genuinely happy to see Loki again, Helblindi was clearly irritated by his coming back. If Loki didn't know that Helblindi was not the brightest ice peak in the whole iceberg, he would have thought that he had been part of the plot to get rid of his elder brother.   
Or had he ? 

****

Loki was speaking with his two brothers and making up for lost time, as politely and coolly as possible.   
He was dying to ask Helblindi about Angrbodr but he knew it was a bad idea. He was not in the same hurry to see his sire and most of all, his dam. He was dreading the inevitable discussion about his unexpected return.   
Loki heard the sound of the royal horns that usually announced that the King had left his private quarters with his Royal Consort and was entering the halls. 

Loki saw his sire coming up the grand entrance. He had aged a bit but he was still as scary as Loki remembered him from a young age. Right next to Laufey was his mate, Farbauti, Loki and Helblindi's dam. 

Loki had respect for his sire, he felt awe and maybe a hint of love for him even if he was a cold individual. His dam was another problem. Farbauti had always tried his best for Loki in a way. He had not left him in a temple to die as many would have in his place.   
But deep down Farbauti would never forgive Loki for being a runt and, by being born as such, having thrown a rumor of degeneracy in Farbauti's lineage. Rumor that was only muffled by the coming of Helblindi. Helblindi might be a pretty decent warrior prince, he remained a bratty moron for all asunder.   
Loki always had the impression that Farbauti resented him for all of this, though none of his runtness or his brother's stupidity was his responsibility. Farbauti had pampered his second son and neglected the other two. Farbauti never forgave Laufey for giving birth to a more suitable heir and their relationship had strained over the centuries. Farbauti had a tendency to make people responsible for everything that didn't work his way.   
The thought gave goosebumps to Loki. It was déjà-vu...  
Seeing his sire's dignified mask of neutral royalty and his dam's severe grimace, seeing how cold and distant they were to themselves, to their people and to their own children, Loki started to suspect things about himself...

How could he love his daughter when his own dam never showed much love for him ?   
How could he love his husband when his own parents seemed to barely stand each other ?   
How could he love and trust anyone at all since the only one he had trusted and adored had traded him for a crown without even batting an eyelash ? 

Loki was shaken by this flash piece of news in his mind but he had to focus on his sire's speech. He knew that here came the lecture.   
Fortunately, Laufey contented himself with the usual welcoming chitchat. He went with the official diplomatic reason, honoring his royal son the Great Consort of Asgard, dam of the Royal Heir. Loki knew then that there would be no mention of his current separation with Thor. And no mention of his future in Jötunheim either...

****

While speeches were made and ceremonies were performed, Loki surveyed the whole room, in search for familiar faces. He smiled for having recognized one of his nannies that shyly answered his smile, some of his former friends and trusted servants. He was not entirely on his own but he didn't really feel at home. It was as if he was a stranger now to their eyes. Gone was the former easiness between him and them. It made Loki want to cry. He hoped that it was only an impression made by the sullenness of the situation but he didn't hope for much...

Still scanning the room, Loki finally remarked someone that had been standing behind his dam for a while.   
He was a Jötunn runt, and brilliantly dressed. Loki was surprised for he thought he knew all of the runts living at court. You could count them on one hand, not including Loki and Angrbodr.   
At first, he thought this was a member of his dam's retinue, maybe the steward or the main chamberlain. Or a favorite of his dam. All of this seemed dubious to Loki for Farbauti hated runts with a vengeance since Loki's birth. This one had to be particularly important. He was even imitating Farbauti in his attitude and “joyous” expressions to the point it was a bit ridiculous.   
Then the unknown runt put his hand to his hair without thinking to push an annoying strand back behind his ear. A gesture Loki had seen several times...

That was how Loki knew that the runt was no one but Angrbodr himself. 

He had been there, behind Farbauti, the whole time and Loki had seen him without recognizing him at once...

He hadn't made any sign to Loki either...

In fact, once the first shock was passed, Loki couldn't believe this was his once-beloved Angrbodr. This runt was so stiff, so stern, so severe... He was pursing his lips while staring at the crowd as if he was better than anyone else here. He kept an affected, reserved behavior that might seem regal with Farbauti but only looked pretentious and conceited with him.  
Gone was the softness, the tenderness of Angrdodr's features. Gone was the simplicity and elegance of his usual attire. And gone was the malicious light in his eyes, this same light that used to make Loki's heart melt on the spot.   
Looking closely, Loki could perceive that the shape of the mouth, of the eyes, the form of the face and the braids on his hair were exactly the same but as if blurred by Angrbodr's vainglorious self-consciousness.   
Loki tried in vain to summon his memories of the one he loved so dearly, the one whose face he sometimes summoned while being with Thor and was ashamed to do it. And it was as if he was thinking about a relative, a brother of the sullen creature next to his dam but not said sullen creature at all...  
“Now, aren't we learning a little lesson, right now ?”  
Missy Prissy... Loki could cried out in frustration. The damn voice chose its moments well...  
“Aren't we starting to see the world as it really is and not as we want it to be ?”  
Loki wanted to scream. Luckily, the voice disappeared as fast as it had come. 

The rest of the festivities were rather tedious to everyone. But Loki felt he has fallen in Hell.   
He tried to avoid Angrbodr. He tried to stay close to Býleistr and not to talk to anyone. He was not fit to act normal in a casual conversation when everything around him was just crumbling.   
When everything he had known and loved was revealed to be a scam.

“You look pale, Older Brother...”   
Býleistr gently touched his arm. It was hard to hide anything from him. He had a tendency to see what was invisible to others.   
“I am tired by all of this, that's all.”  
Loki tried to smile but his brother wasn't to be fooled. Loki didn't feel like demanding explanations from him right now. He just wanted to lie down and sleep till Ragnarok came.   
“Do you wish to have a drink and rest in my room ? I think our parents will be busy with the rest of the evening and Helblindi and Angrbodr...” Býleistr bit his tongue. He had seen Loki cringe at the mention of their brother-in-law's name. “I mean... They will act as hosts so they will barely notice we're not present.”  
Loki simply nodded and followed his brother through the corridors. 

****

He was finally warming up to the fire. He felt a little better. Býleistr had poured them wine and it went down Loki's throat like a real comfort. It dulled his pain and shock and enabled him to be calm at last and to think rationally.

Býleistr respected his silence for a while but he still had things to say. He put his cup on the table and took a deep breath, as if he was going to plunge in deep troubled waters.   
“Sire and Dam had a huge fight after your departure. Dam was not happy about Helblindi being king, as you can imagine. “  
Loki could well imagine Laufey screaming at Farbauti and Farbauti barking at him like an angry dog. If Loki was to be out of the way, Laufey would have preferred the child he had given birth to instead of the one he had sired. Farbauti was the only one in this whole realm to wish for his brat to be on the throne... Well second only to Angrbodr, probably...  
“But Dam had to give up. He could not prevent Helblindi from being crowned heir without provoking a damage to our laws about the line of succession. You know how it would have been.”  
Loki did know. Total chaos would have occurred if Laufey would have passed his youngest before his next-in-line. A civil war was not something he wished for...

“Angrbodr made the whole difference and helped the pill to pass. You know that he has Dam and Sire's trust...”  
Loki raised an ear. No, he never knew actually. He had no idea Angrbodr was that much favored. As a runt and not a royal one, he would have had no more consideration than with a servant...  
“How could that be ?” asked Loki. “Laufey might have recognized his intelligence but I hardly see Farbauti giving him the time of the day...”  
Býleistr sighed. It was as if he carried a dreadful weight. Loki realized that his brother might have known and guessed more than Loki thought he could. He felt as if he was going to hear his own story from a different point of view.   
“True enough but you are forgetting that Angrbodr is the eldest son of our chief steward and Farbauti and him had been friends for years...”  
“Not to mention that Angrbodr's family is one of the richest in this realm...” Loki bitterly added. “If not the richest...”  
Loki remembered that as though Laufey trusted his Chief Steward for many things, he remained aware that the man had the financial means to trigger a coup and take his throne...

“Indeed. But, Loki, you never really knew Angrbodr, how slippery he was, how sleazy and tricky... To you, he was perfection but I knew he wasn't to be trusted...”  
“Tell me about it...” Loki growled more in self-disgust than anger against Býleistr.  
But Loki realized something. Thor had told him he loved him countless times on countless occasions. 

Angrbodr had never said he loved Loki. Not even once. 

“When he came to court, he was already working his way to our parents. You never were aware of it but they dreaded your relationship with him. You already know that Farbauti wanted you out of the throne and Dam... Well, Dam loves you but he fears for his kingdom.”  
“Does he now...” Sighed Loki. It wasn't much of a surprise but it still hurt. He knew his sire loved him but Jötunheim came first. He couldn't really blame him...  
“The idea of two runts on the throne... Sorry...” Býleistr blushed indigo. Loki gestured him not to mind and to go on. “Well, it made them sick but they let things go because they needed to have Angrbodr's sire's good will. So, I didn't really know what they were hoping or waiting for or planning...”  
“And then, the war came...” Added Loki, wanting to get to the point.   
“Yes.” Býleistr pursued. “But it would be insanely twisted if our parents had provoked it only to get rid of you...”  
“But it is a possibility.” Murmured Loki. “They are capable of it...”  
“Well, we'll never know, now ? Will we ?”  
An uncomfortable silence followed. 

“Anyway.” Resumed Býleistr. “Off you went as an hostage with our most dangerous weapon... Dam wanted to set a plan that would get you back with the Casket but Angrbodr and Sire came with an idea that didn't seem stupid at the moment. Farbauti thought that you had lied about the Casket precisely so that it could be introduced in the very heart of Asgard. According to Angrbodr, you were ready to destroy this realm and all of our enemies by yourself.”  
“They were right. I planned to.”  
“I assumed you did at the time. Dam was against it but Farbauti and Angrbodr convinced him to go with the flow...”  
It was a relief to Loki knowing that at least Laufey tried to do something for him. Curiously his brother started to stare at the floor, as if ashamed.   
“Except that they both had another plan. They saw Thor's interest in you. Not that it wasn't obvious. But no one would have thought in a million years that he would officially ask for your hand. I think they have both foreseen it... That was why everything went so fast after Thor proposed to you...”  
Loki received a bad blow in his stomach. So, that was what really happened...  
Angrbodr did sell him too after all...  
Loki briefly fought the need to vomit but this time he was stronger. Nothing could hurt him more than that so he had nothing to fear anymore. 

“They decided to leave the Casket to you and not claim it back because Dam still hoped that you'll try to fight your way to home. But time passed and our letters came unanswered. Farbauti started to think you had settled quite comfortably with your new life and didn't want anything to do with us anymore. I thought you were being held prisoner because you didn't want Thor. I was so worried... I didn't know what to do...” Býleistr seemed close to tears. “So, I wrote to Thor.”  
Loki held his breath.   
“I was terribly worried so I send a crow and begged him to give me news that I could trust. He told me that you were mad against us all and refused to talk to anyone. That you were miserable and that it was all his fault.” Býleistr chuckled. “ It was a very confused letter but also very sweet. I knew then that he was genuinely found of you and would care for you.”  
Loki grumbled. “He forced me into this marriage and I was forced to have his child and you still give him excuses ?”  
“I am not. But I want you to know how he really felt... Really feels.”

Býleistr put out a lead casket from his closet. He opened it and it was full with letters in various stage of aging. Some were dating a bit but other were fairly recent. Thor's letters to Býleistr. All of them and quite a bunch. The both of them had been writing rather largely for quite a time.   
“Brother-in-law and I became friends...” Býleistr explained. “He told me what was going on and I gave him advice...”  
Loki was amazed. He never thought that Thor could be the epistolary type. That also explained the sweet ideas he had to please Loki. Some must have been suggested by Býleistr. 

Loki went through the letters. They were not in timely order but Loki could discern how the relationship started. One of the older letters said :

“I love him so much. I am obsessed by him. And yes, I demanded to marry him without having tried to win his heart first. I really thought it would come after... Mother says I don't think enough before acting... I guess she's right but no use crying over spilled milk. How can I make him at least SEE me ?”

Another :

“Things are a little better. We're friends... I think. But we are not lovers. Not really. He is so fascinating and unsettling at the same time, it is hard to understand him... If only he would trust me a bit but I doubt that will come...”

Another, visibly written after the wedding was rather short and telling :

“I am the happiest man in the Nine Realms.”

For some reason, it made Loki want to cry.   
Several others were trivia about daily life and Thor's happiness with Loki. The tone became nervous during Loki's pregnancy and the trials it brought. Thor was obviously sad and anxious :

“He doesn't want that child. I am sure of it. What to do ? I feel guilty for getting him into this situation with an innocent babe in the bargain ! My only hope is for our child to be born and Loki to be happy seeing it.”

Some letters after, it went from anxiety to angst. Then, horror... :

“He has changed since the birth of Wynn. He is hiding things, I know it ! He has that weird look, that look so void and angry... That same look he had when I stupidly let him hold that damn Casket of yours. He wanted to kill me then, now that you have told me about the blasted thing, I know that much... What can I do to make him back to normal ?? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ?!?”

On this part, that last phrase had been written with so much stress that the quill had torn the paper. The letter went on :

“There our Wynn to consider, there's my kingdom and my people... But there's my heart too and it belongs to Loki.” 

The sweetness of those last words didn't reach Loki who was considering only one thing.

Loki raised his head to his brother.   
“You told him about the Casket ?”  
Býleistr didn't look that much proud.   
“You told him that he had our only way of defending ourselves into his hands, you told him I tried to use it on him and the rest of that wretched realm, you told him...”  
Loki was literally choking.   
“WHAT ARE YOU ?! INSANE ?!!”  
Býleistr snapped. “If trying to bring peace between our realms, our families and your marriage is insanity then YES, I AM !”   
“How dare you ?!”  
“Look.” Býleistr went calmer. “Thor had to be enlightened. He swore on the Norns to keep it a secret. That's how he learned that you had not the heart to kill him or hurt anyone. That was how he knew how good and bright you could be. As long as he has the Casket, we will remain in truce. Can't you see ? You know how the saying goes, 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' The fact that you spared his life proved our good will and that he could trust you ! He saved us from another of the Scourge's attack because he knew we couldn't defend ourselves properly !”  
Loki wasn't aware of that, yet he was still mad at his brother for telling and lying in the same time...

Loki scoffed and went back to the letters with a look to Býleistr that clearly meant it wasn't over...  
But the last letters were as upsetting as the rest :

“He has left. He is gone. He has abandoned us. If it was revenge he wanted, it is well and truly done. What am I going to do ? What am I going to do ? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ?”

Loki stared at the damned piece of paper.   
“I didn't answer to the last one because I had no idea what to tell him.” Býleistr hesitated. “I thought maybe that you would want to answer yourself...”  
Loki had a hard time controlling his tears.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello again ! Thank you for reading ! It's retribution time !

Several days passed without any further action. Loki didn't know what to do, what would be the best action, the most sensible one.   
He wanted to write to Thor, then he wanted to talk to his parents, then he wanted to confront Angrbodr. To demand explanations, to solve things, to try and understand...   
He thought about one thing and the next.  
He was lost. 

His position in Jötunheim had always been ambiguous. Now that he saw things with a different eye, he had realized many things about his past.   
He might have been born into this place, it might have been his birthright to rule it one day... A day that would now never come...   
But it had never been home. Not really.   
Loki came with the cool realization that he could leave right now for anywhere else without anyone noticing it and even without any kind of regret. 

The only one he would miss would probably be Býleistr but apart from that, Loki was surprised to realize that he didn't even care about the Jötnar throne or this country anymore...

He was starting to appreciate the endless possibilities offered to him. He could leave the court, join the most powerful covens and go back to studying magic, he could travel around all the Nine Realms and discover wonders never even imagined before. He could conquer his own little kingdom and start an empire big enough to subdue Jötunheim and Asgard... Maybe this time, he'll be the one to throw his parents and his brothers in a gilded cage as hostages.  
Maybe this time, he'll decide what to do with Thor...  
The fantasy of Thor in chains and his realm in slavery gave Loki a brutal jolt.  
It was so powerful it almost took his breath away.   
Desire and longing. 

He missed Thor.   
He missed him bodily, physically, emotionally...   
Right here, right now and for agonizingly long minutes, the only thing he wanted most in the world, the only thing the burning moisture between his legs demanded was his former husband chained to his bed and to make violent love to him.

It didn't last long but it was enough for Loki to be left shivering with cold. Again.

He had to realize there was still something he cared about, still something that held him down...  
Except that he didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing. 

****

He had been avoiding Angrbodr. Actually, Loki didn't even know if Angrbodr cared anyway and it was not something he wished to pry upon. Angrbodr had his own duties and, as future Royal Consort, they were quite similar as the ones Loki had in Asgard. Loki examined him from afar. Not out of interest for him but out of nostalgia for his Asgardian time. Loki caught himself thinking about Asgard more and more and it bothered him greatly... 

He couldn't help sometimes, while hearing the laughter of children in the backyard court, to turn around, thinking it was Wynn.   
That was definitely a new one...

But a castle is small and ultimately they had to meet and talk. Loki acted polite but distant. He didn't fear his presence or the resurgence of ancient feelings. It was just hard talking to him and remembering everything that was lost.   
Loki had the unexpected certainty that he was not in love with Angrbodr anymore. He didn't even know if he was capable to be in love with anyone...

Each time he told himself that, either he heard a mocking cackle from Missy Prissy, piercing his ears though it came from afar, or else he saw a tall silhouette from his memories, crowned with golden hair and sapphire blue eyes...

Yet, he had the weird feeling that sometimes Angrbodr was watching him, scrutinizing him, as if he was expecting something. Actually, it wasn't something Loki might want to know or care about. 

****

One day, Loki came across his brother Helblindi with Angrbodr. They had some sort of argument and they didn't realize Loki's presence behind a column. Helblindi was very aggressive and demanded to know where his husband was last night. Loki couldn't help but chuckle softly. That was something he had foreseen... Helblindi was such a spoiled child he would constantly harass his spouse for attention and control.   
Seeing Angrbodr rolling his eyes and barely repressing a scoff, Loki had the confirmation that Angrbodr had not an once of affection or even interest for the one he had chosen over Loki. Loki was perversely overjoyed to see that the couple that had easily discarded him and fed on his misfortunes were not the happy lovebirds Farbauti described in his letters. Not at all.   
Loki couldn't help but be thrilled. 

He didn't hear clearly but brutally, Angrbodr snapped at Helblindi and barked something inaudible but obviously mean to make Helblindi shut up.   
And just like that Loki saw something he would have never imagined to see, ever.   
He saw proud and arrogant Helblindi, future king of Frost Giants, literally shriveling up, his face falling off in an expression of despair that turned Loki's guts upside down with shock. His red-blood eyes, once always glistening with cruelty, were now full of tears. 

Angrbodr gave his husband a satisfied smirk and turned away without further ado and not a glance left toward the quivering mess that used to be the Royal Heir. 

Loki was stunned. 

This was not normal. Absolutely NOT normal. 

The usual Helblindi would have never accepted being treated as dirt like that, NEVER.   
Loki could remember a time he had been cross with his brother for ruining some very precious piece of magical parchment and being punished for having “upset” poor little Helblindi.   
Except that the “martyr” had given his elder brother, then Royal Heir, a disgustingly triumphant sneer of challenge.   
Nothing could reach out to Helblindi, treasure of Farbauti. Being a runt, Loki was a shame and, being sired by Laufey and apparently so perfect, Býleistr was a living reproach. So Helblindi was the darling, the beloved and everything was entitled to him.   
Everything but the throne and Angrbodr.   
And now that he had them, he should be happy, he should be gloating and laughing at Loki's back...   
Clearly, he wasn't. 

Still unaware of Loki's presence, the Royal Heir of the powerful realm of Jötunheim fell on his knees and openly sobbed, his hands resting on his thighs, palms up as if imploring. Utterly vulnerable and powerless... Reduced to an emotional pile of shivering jelly by the wanting of one being that clearly rejected him. 

Loki thought really fast. He didn't love Helblindi much because the latter thought himself so above him. Yet, seeing his former bully reduced to this had shattered Loki's certainties. He had always seen Helblindi as someone confident and self-assured.   
What if he had never been after all ? What if he had always hidden his feelings of inferiority compared to his more clever brothers ? What if he knew deep inside that he would never have Loki's intellect nor Býleistr's political talents ?   
Or worse, what if he had never wanted all of this ? What if it was Farbauti that pushed him too far and made him accept an honor too big for him ? 

Loki couldn't help but remembering that Helblindi's bullying had really started the day they both had met Angrbodr. Loki now realized that Helblindi had been there too, the day of Angrbodr's presentation.   
Loki had been too much mesmerized by Angrbodr that day and too much angry at Farbauti's mean remark about the fact that Angrbodr was just another runt to remember what Helblindi's reaction had been.   
In fact, he never really minded Helblindi much. Not like he did Býleistr, anyway. Thinking of it, what did Helblindi's really ever had, apart from Farbauti's unconditional love ? And yet, even this love was dubious, born out of the necessity to believe that his “normal child” was the best option for the throne. 

Other things came to Loki's mind that he had at first considered as secondary.   
When Loki was with Angrbodr, drinking his fine conversation like the most delicate wine, obsessed by his brightness and beauty, when they were isolated in a corridor or, on their own, in the white garden, he always felt Helblindi's burning gaze on them, from a window or the other side of the hall, behind a tree or a door. He was often there, spying on them.   
Loki had thought it was to mock and bother them.   
Now he was almost sure Helblindi was just consumed by grief and jealousy. 

Realizing that, something beckoned Loki to stop thinking and come to his brother. Whatever the consequences might be. 

****

 

Seeing Loki, Helblindi didn't rise quickly and tried to hide his shame. He simply looked upward into his elder brother's eyes and knew immediately that it was no use pretending. Loki already got the whole pitiful picture.   
“Having fun ?” Helblindi asked bitterly. “You must have such a ball right now. You have your revenge, apparently...”  
“I don't know what I have but it is certainly not fun.” His voice echoed the calm resignation Helblindi displayed. They were beyond the first violence of their usual relationship. Loki had the weird sensation that they were finally on equal grounds, miserable and dissatisfied in their lives. No matter that there was a crown between them, it didn't weight much in the balance of their current problems. 

“Whatever.” Sniffled Helblindi, not caring about what Loki might think of his running nose. “It is a laugh, really. As soon as you were out of the picture, all my dreams came true. The throne was as good as mine and Angrbodr started to turn around me like a Midgardian peacock, displaying his feathers. I have been such a fool...” He pinched his nose. He looked exhausted and old.   
“Well, marriage has been eye-opening. He has been amorous and boot-licking until the day I have been made heir and we had our first mating. Once he was sure of his position, it went all to hell...”  
Loki averted his eyes. This was horribly embarrassing. He didn't feel any anger or resentment towards Helblindi anymore. He was pitying him.   
“You don't realize what you have escaped, Loki.” Helblindi said rising to his feet and looking again at his brother straight in the eyes. “You thought... We thought that he was so damn perfect, so sweet, so kind... He is a Norns-damned, double-hearted, disgusting...” Helblindi stopped as if to restrain from vomiting. “Angrbodr only cares about one person and this person is Angrbodr.”

**** 

Loki was about to answer when he heard footsteps behind and recognized Býleistr.   
“What are you two doing here ?”   
Their younger brother had always been trapped in the middle of their arguments. Once again they were the three of them together and the tension that have been always floating between them was back. 

“Are you arguing again ? You two want trouble with the King ?”   
Býleistr's tone only reflected his fear of the King hearing about his sons' misbehaving. Like Farbauti, he was indulgent with the son he had borne but not so much with the two he had sired.   
“Cut it out, Býleistr.” Sighed Helblindi. “Loki and I are just talking.”  
Býleistr gave a dubious look. He never trusted Helblindi that much.   
“I said, cut it out !” Helblindi snapped, more out of weariness than anger. “What do you want me to do ? What am I supposed to say so you two stop looking at me as if I had the Red Fevers ? That I am sorry ? That I regret what happened ?” He raised his hands upward. “I am ! I do ! All of this was for nothing and I regret every minute of it ! There ! Happy, now ?!”

The three of them looked at each other, tense and silent. Nothing had been easy between them. They were always a wall, always reasons for them to distrust, to fear or even hate each other.   
But now this wall seemed gone. All obstacles removed.   
Because everything had been so terribly absurd. So horribly pointless. Finally, it had benefited none of them.   
Everything seemed of no importance, right here and now. 

They remained like this a moment. Some tears were shed but they didn't embrace each other. It was not really appropriate and their freshly born reconciliation was still fragile. It was like a long awaited truce between the three brothers that gave them a bit of fresh air and relief. They needed to protect it. 

Helblindi broke the silence.   
“I am pregnant.”  
Býleistr and Loki looked at their brother. He definitely had aged overnight.  
“Yes, I am. It is only logical, right ? A runt cannot carry a pregnancy from a a Frost Giant. There is more chance, the other way around, that the child will be a true Jötunn...”  
Loki felt sick somehow. Not about imagining his former lover and his brother conceiving, rather that this news brought as little happiness to Helblindi as it did Loki when he had Wynn.

Somewhere in his mind, Loki heard Wynn's laughter, again.

“That's all he really cares about. The child not being a runt. Once it is born perfectly fit, he will fear nothing. He will reign.”  
“How come ?” Cried Loki. “He has the same rights as you but he is not the ruling King ! Only the Royal Consort and he cannot take over without your full consent ?”  
Helblindi bowed his head. He look ashamed.  
“The problem is...” His voice faltered. “I... am unsure of all this... It is so complex and he is so much... Clever... Sometimes, I.... He plays with my mind and I don't know anything, anymore, I...”  
Helblindi broke in tears and that was when Loki knew he was truly pregnant. Helblindi was an hormonal mess and passed from calm to tears in second. Sign that he was at the first stage of Jötnar childbearing.  
And the little brain he had was both enlightened and confused by the present state of affairs.   
It was a despicable situation, really. Now Loki saw it as clear as water. The worst irony being that it resembled Loki's own position in Asgard. Loki was losing his last illusions. 

Angrbodr had planned everything. Loki was almost practically sure of it.   
He might have designed it years before his coming to court. It was quite clever. He knew his biggest enemy and obstacle was Farbauti. It was highly unlikely that he had foreseen the war with Asgard and Loki being hostage. It was more plausible that he had a first plan involving seducing and subduing Loki and his whole gracious speech at that time presented now a double meaning.

Loki felt a shiver thinking that he could have been in Helblindi's place. 

Helblindi, which had finally very little part in the plan and was but another mere pawn in their dam and deceitful lover's hands, had been the final victim of the whole scheme and his child would be too after him. Contrary to Loki, would he have the force to rebel against his domineering husband ? That was most unlikely.   
Loki didn't love Thor, at least, not in the devouring way Helblindi loved Angrbodr. 

Thor.   
Thor.   
Loki felt the sharp stabbing again. It was harder each time. Loki willed it to silence. 

And now there was a child on the way, making things even harder. Loki surprised himself by hoping that this birth might give Helblindi the strength to take charge. After all, Loki did. 

He grabbed his once-despised brother's large head in his hands. It was the very first gesture of tenderness between them. Býleistr looked at them with enormous eyes.  
“You will wait for the baby and once it is born, you will fight.” Loki firmly said.  
Helblindi was about to talk but Loki demanded silence.   
“You will. You will put this little go-getter runt back into his place. He is money, not power. As King, you have the power to choose whoever you mate with or don't. You know our laws.”  
Indeed, Helblindi was luckier in the way that matrimony was more loose in regulations in Jötunheim than in Asgard where it was more difficult to obtain a divorce.   
Helblindi threw a look that clearly meant “But I love him !”  
“It is not love, Brother, if only one party is longing while the other doesn't even care.”  
My, my, such a wiseman... Sneered Missy Prissy but Loki ignored her.   
“You have a kingdom to rule, it is both an honor and a misfortune. Our people only have you. And soon you'll have an heir to protect. It will be yours and not Angrbodr.”

Loki sighed and held his confused brother more firmly. He was conscious that he was signing his parents' fate. Something deep inside told him that what he was going to say would change the political chess in Jötunheim and maybe even Asgard. 

Again two golden heads, one formidable and the other tiny and gracious, stepped in Loki's mind.   
He gulped and forced himself to focus. 

“You will distance yourself from our dam.” Helblindi gasped. “It will be hard but he is responsible for this mess. Sire had been too lenient. He will soon retire. Our dam wants power even more than Angrbodr and will refuse a second or third place behind a runt consort. Those two are bound to be our doom. You MUST dispose of them both as soon as you are King.”  
Loki designed Býleistr.   
“Rely only on our brother. He is the only one to truly care about our realm. Make him your first minister and listen to him the most. He will always be the best advice.”  
Helblindi and Býleistr looked at each other and Loki knew his words had rung a bell in their mind.   
If he wasn't in such a tense state, he would weep for the joy and irony of it all. Farbauti, Angrbodr and, in a remote and involuntarily way, Laufey had conspired to separate the three brothers.   
And reunited them to fight against their little plans in the same time. 

****

Indeed, there have been a change in court after the three brothers' secret reconciliation.

There were always together. That was a first and it shocked all the courtiers for their differences were legendary. It created quite a commotion.   
Then Helblindi proved to be more firm in his resolutions for he distanced himself from their controlling dam and his neglectful husband. That was even worse.   
It earned Helblindi more consideration from Angrbodr. But Helblindi had his eyes well opened now. It was too little and too late.   
Farbauti was not a fool and knew rather quickly who started the rebellion amongst his sons.  
Loki received dark glares and sharp comments from his dam which he simply ignored. Everything was done for between them anyway and Loki cared little for his life if it could help his country. 

There was no reaction from Angrbodr but Loki also didn't mind whether he was in an avenging mood or not.   
But he knew that something had to happen to conclude the whole dreadful business.

****

One day, Loki came back from a hunt with his brothers. It had been a pleasant, shiny white journey with fresh snow all over. They had had tremendous fun together and Loki felt better than he had in months.   
He happened to be separated from the retinue and isolated in the white gardens. Maybe the Norns had decided to play him a trick for it was indeed the place where he had thought Angrbodr gave him a declaration while he was in fact assuring his influence upon him.   
It was a world ago. Loki didn't feel the burn of sorrow and nostalgia as acutely as before.   
He had no time to ponder any further on the past for the present forced itself on him in the presence of his former paramour stepping in the garden, coming to Loki. The look on his face was far more less pleasant than at that distant time. He was furious.   
Loki had waited this moment so long, he wasn't even surprised by it. He didn't fear it any longer. 

“Brother-in-law...” Said Loki sweetly. “Bid you good day. I hope you are well.”  
Angrbodr made a sneering grimace. Apparently it was the day was bad for him.   
“Enough with the niceties, Loki. I know you have been plotting with my husband behind my back. He has changed. He won't confide in me anymore and ignores me. I cannot accept it !”  
Loki thought before answering. Angrbodr remained powerful and dangerous while Loki had a fragile situation.   
Yet the latter, having nothing to lose, he didn't really care.   
“I do not know what you are talking about. I am only certain of the terrible way you've been treating my poor brother who has always been loving to you.”  
Loki meant what he said. That was why he was shocked to hear Angrbodr's following diatribe. Angrbodr shouted out an horrible laugh, mean and sarcastic. It was a distasteful sound and hurt Loki's ears.   
That laugh made Loki see Angrbodr as what he never wanted to acknowledge. Crude, selfish, vulgar... Even his once handsome face was distorted to resemble the one of a harpy. Loki tried to see the features he once fell in love with and found them only grotesquely contorted.   
Angrbodr was closer to the fishmongers in the lowly markets of the Asgardian capital than to a future Royal Consort. It gave Loki horrid shivers. 

“For Norns' sake, Loki !” He roared, visibly unafraid of being heard by the servants. “You don't give a damn about that poor simpleton of a brother of yours ! He made you miserable and he bores me to no end since he is up in the duff !”  
Loki couldn't believe his ears.   
“Stop gawking !” Sneered the wretch. “You know damn well I am right. Once your brother had delivered my heir, we will think about the next step to the throne.”  
“ 'We' ?” Asked Loki. 'His' heir ? He thought.  
Angrbodr made then a very sweet smile. It was too much of a contrast with his previous behavior and it only made him look sinister.   
“Darling, now you are back. Your brother is under my thumb. Your sire is in the last days of his reign. The future is ours !”

He was talking as if nothing had happened, as if it was their mutual plan together. As if it was perfectly normal to throw the one you love in the harms of a Jötunn killer. 

“Are you mad ?” Murmured Loki. “Have you forgotten what I have endured ? You left me to fend for myself amongst enemies !”  
Angrbodr rolled his eyes as if already bored to no end by Loki's naivety. Loki recognized the same disdainful gesture he had with Helblindi.   
“Oh, don't be stupid. You survived and lived to tell the tale ! Now that we are back together...” He made what looked like an attempt to be a seductive smile and was only a bad performance. “... There is nothing that could stop us from the crown. We have won, sweetheart !”

It was the final straw. Angrbodr clearly thought he could play all the royal brothers to his tune and that Loki was as slow as the rest of them.   
That was the sorry thing he rejected a man that did love him for...  
That was the beautiful dream he had hung onto like a drowning Midgardian.   
A total and ordinary fraud. So common and tasteless, he was ready to burst into angry tears.

Angrbodr mistook the reasons of his silence. He tried to grab Loki's hands but he retrieved it quickly. That too, Angrbodr made a wrongful interpretation.   
“My dearest love, it simply broke my heart, knowing you were with that boar... But I knew you'll find a way back, you always do. In the meantime, I endeavored to secure our beautiful dream...”  
Trying to play the seductive lover, he tried to caress Loki's chin with his finger.

Only to find his hand grabbed and twisted so viciously it made him scream with pain and fall on the ground, powerless. 

“Do. Not. Touch. Me.”  
Loki gave another terrible twist. Angrbodr yelled an octave higher.   
“EVER.”  
He released him brutally. Angrbodr whimpered, holding his wrist, a look of the utmost astonishment on his face. Loki wiped his hand on his leather, as if touching Angrbodr was soiling it. 

“I loved you.” Loki started with perfect coldness. “I fell in love with an image of you that never existed but in my head.”  
Loki forbade himself to cry. Not in front of this blue-skinned worm.  
“And because of that, I rejected a man that was not perfect but had enough in him to be a better husband to me that you ever would be. I rejected my own child because I couldn't love her father, because of you, of our dam and several other things. I prevented myself to any chance of happiness, because you have ruined me.”  
He then raised his right foot to plant it hardly into Angrbodr's shoulder, making him screech. He gave a brutal push to hold him to the ground.   
“Not any more. We are done. Besides, if you value your life, you'll do your duty by your husband and be the sweetest ever to him.”  
He leaned towards the miserable thing that he had once loved more than anything else in the world. His voice sharp and cold.  
“Or there will be definite consequences.”

****

Having seen the last of Angrbodr, Loki calmly left the gardens, hiding his beating heart and confusion.

This little outburst had been exhilarating and damning at the same time. For, at the minute Loki had the confirmation of his mistake, the pain like a knife through his heart came back.   
This time with a massive force that almost choked Loki. 

Now there was only one thing he saw, one thing he knew. He had been wrong, so very, very wrong.   
But nothing could unravel what he had done to himself and to Thor. Nothing could make things get better. By his own fault, he had lost his husband, he had lost his child.   
He had lost his family for nothing but ashes and illusions. 

The thought was about to make Loki go crazy and scream in pain and desperation when a huge booming sound came out of nowhere. A column of light hit the ground behind the hills near the palace.   
Loki recognized this particular sound and light effect.   
Heimdall had activated the Bifröst not far away from the palace.   
Loki thought a miracle had occurred. 

He saddled his mare in seconds and headed towards where the light had hit with one foolish hope and two names on his lips. 

Wynn.   
Thor.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's it, Ladies and gentlemen ! My last chapter ! Thank you all for your support !

Loki hoped his mare would hold on. It was hard to cross those hills and to reach the supposed point where Heimdall had landed the Bifröst. 

Loki didn't know who was going to have a heart attack first, him or his poor horse. He could have sworn he was feeling the beast's fierce heartbeat between his legs while his own was having a show in his ears. They were both almost out of breathe. Loki knew he had to calm down but it was near impossible. 

Please, make it that it is Thor, please, let him be here, please, tell me he's with our daughter, please, make that I can see them, please ... 

Loki was unsure who he was begging like that but he was too far taken in his insane hope to realize he was imploring out loud to the white sky and the icy wind.   
The hard, dark rocks hid the place from his eyes. He had to let his mare rest and continue on foot, climbing the barren mountain. The rocks were sharp and hurt his hands but he carried on.   
There were high risks that it could be nothing, traders from Asgard or Vanaheim, a diplomatic mission from Muspelheim... It could be anything but what Loki desired above everything else. 

But if it wasn't the ones he wanted more than the Nine Realms, he would literally break in pieces and that would be the end of him. 

****

Loki couldn't believe that, a long time ago, when he was younger, he used to be day-dreaming about those dark hills and what was beyond. He spent hours imagining the moment he would explore them and the wonders they hid.   
Bullocks, they were just horrible pieces of black, hard earth that simply hurt you when you grabbed them.   
Loki was close, he knew it. But there was another wall of pikes, and another, and another...

He finally arrived at a more straight plane. Heimdall was careful and clever. He knew exactly where to land the bridge safely so no one could get hurt on either side of the bridge and, most of all, no one could be spotted.   
That told worlds to Loki and gave him hope. They were close to the palace, meaning it was probably their destination but not close enough for Jötunn armies to find them easily. Meaning that they were coming uninvited and that Laufey could be displeased by their coming, whoever they might be.   
A perfect landing for an impromptu embassy to the King on matters that would not bring pleasure...   
It could be Thor, or at least Asgardian envoys. People that were not necessarily welcome but, as the new peace treaty was still in effect despite Thor and Loki's “disagreement,” Laufey would be forced to receive them with honors. 

Thor, Thor, Thor...

Ok, maybe it wasn't Thor but it could be a messenger from Asgard. A gesture of goodwill, a need to know if Loki was alright. Maybe they carried a letter. It could be a first step towards reconciliation...  
Loki had no illusions. Thor wouldn't have him back like that, not after everything that had happened...  
But it could be a start. Maybe a common life but with separate apartments... The thought made Loki wants to cry but he couldn't blame Thor for distancing himself... Maybe with some efforts on both sides... Maybe, it wasn't too late but Loki wasn't so sure of that. 

Yet, Loki had the feeling that the priority was not having Thor back into his bed. The first and foremost thing to do was to mend his relationship with his daughter. For this too, he hoped it wasn't too late. 

As he was thinking about Wynn, he saw the residual light that came from the Bifröst, he heard some noise, people calling... But it was behind a huge rock and he couldn't see who was there. 

And then, popping out of nowhere, a tiny wobbling figure appeared, so covered in furs its arms were stuck almost parallel to the waist. The figure managed to go down on the snow, staggering on the uneven ground.   
A hooded, round little head raised its almost hidden eyes to Loki. As if recognizing him, the puppet started running and waving its arms at him, the same way it would if Loki was some long lost relative.   
The midget had difficulties moving, almost tumbling on each rock. But it didn't stop yelling and waving. Loki ran to it and managed to hear what it was screeching. 

“Ma ! MA !” 

Loki was on his daughter in seconds and pulled her onto his chest. The freezing little nose on Loki's neck felt like the most heavenly kiss. And paradoxically, it was the warmest thing Loki was feeling since he had left Asgard. Wynn was babbling her childish gibberish into her mother's hair. Telling something like she had missed Ma so very, very much and wanted him back home right now with Pa and Baby Wynn ...  
Her weight in Loki's arms felt like spring and Loki finally sensed that the anger, the stress and the hurt that had been poisoning him for years was finally leaving him. 

“My baby...”

Loki was not wondering how this little miracle occurred. It was enough having her back, he was too caught up in the moment.   
Until a scared, angry voice was heard booming behind the same rocks Wynn came from, followed by raging footsteps. It made them both jump. 

“WYNN ! Come back here ! THIS INSTANT !”

And then he appeared, in his full armor and his hammer in his hand, so similar to the first time Loki ever saw him. He would have been as dashing and handsome if his face wasn't contorted with worry for his disobedient little girl.

“Pa...” Murmured a contrite Wynn, shyly raising her eyes to her stunned father who stayed paralyzed.

Seeing Wynn in the arms of Loki, he locked eyes with his husband and Loki saw that there wasn't only the fact that he had been afraid of Wynn running away. He was paler, he had lost muscle and weight and he had huge dark circles under his sky-blue eyes. Thor had become a mess since the time Loki had left. Once Loki would have felt proud of reducing Thor to this state, but not anymore. 

At the sight of his estranged husband with their daughter in his arms, Thor had stopped in his tracks and looked at them both as it they were hallucinations. He wasn't sure of what his eyes perceived. This stillness was unsettling and Loki was too scared of being utterly and definitively rejected to move or talk first. 

“ 'Ook, Pa ! Ma !” 

Wynn's crystalline voice broke the silence like a sword piercing through something hard. It woke them both.   
Then Loki, still holding his child, found himself trapped again in those same, familiar, rock-like arms. They still felt like a fortress but, this time, Loki closed his eyes and let everything go. It didn't feel as if he was prisoner any more. It felt like home. 

****

Loki was about to faint, overwhelmed with too many emotions. Thor was panting in his neck and it made him weak in his legs. They still haven't exchanged one word and Loki was worried that Wynn might lack oxygen, being sandwiched between her parents like that... It looked as if the child knew that she had to remain silent until her Ma and Pa sorted everything out on their own.   
Loki tried to start for people might come and disturb them before Thor knew what he had to say. 

“I'm sorry, I'm...” He started blabbering. But Thor silenced him with a kiss on his neck and a pressure of his hand.   
“Tell me you're going home.” Thor whispered against his burning skin with a trembling voice. “Just, just tell me you're going home with us. That's all I need to know.”  
Loki breathed. “Yes, I am going home with you two.”  
Thor kissed him fully on the mouth. It was one of his possessive kisses that took Loki's breath away and used to say “You're mine, whether you like it or not.” Loki always had a reluctance to receive them except that, now, it felt different. Loki was claiming back just as powerfully. 

Their relationship had been unequal from the start. There was always one of them that was at his disadvantage at one point or the other. First Loki had been dragged into it in chains, then, it was Thor who had pursued Loki without any hope of being loved back.   
Not to mention Wynn, caught up in between and feeling, though dimly, that something was wrong with her parents. 

Everything seemed gone, forgotten. Thor didn't even need to say he loved Loki or hear that Loki loved him. The new found peace and balance was what they truly needed. 

****

This moment of bliss was over in a moment. 

Thor's retinue, consisting of several Einherjar and his four friends, came from the rocks. They were astonished by Loki's sight. Apparently, no one would have thought he would come on his own. Not that Loki could blame them for thinking so. 

Unfortunately, following Loki's tired mare and before anyone could say anything, the Frost Giants soldiers entered the scene, preceding King Laufey, Consort Farbauti and their children. 

Loki shivered. They had noticed Loki's mad ride through the dark hills and they had reported him to his sire. But why had Laufey brought the essential of his court ? Probably because something (or someone, as Loki saw Angrbodr's raging and triumphant face, as if he had caught Loki at some fault...) had told him about the Bifröst.   
One plus one makes two and Asgard still had the Casket. So the King had to be sure there was no threat and needed to show that he was still in charge, displaying his whole powerful family.   
Loki suspected that Laufey also wanted to emphasize Thor's loneliness, being seperated from Loki. Thor might be more powerful concerning military capacity but his marital situation was uncertain and he was isolated.   
At the sight of Loki in the arms of the one he was supposed to leave, Farbauti and Laufey made a weird puzzled face. Loki knew then that they had hoped their divorce would weaken Thor. That was why they had let him go back home and made no reproach.   
Loki hoped it wasn't a part of their scheme but just wishful thinking. He wasn't sure. Yet, they were clearly greatly displeased by this unexpected reunion. 

Farbauti even gave a very uncomfortable look at little Wynn (who in her innocence simply smiled to all asunder). As if the child was some piece of data that her grand dam and sire had not taken into account. Or maybe it was the unusual contrast between her ruby-red eyes, white skin and blond hair that disturbed them...

Loki was worried. Maybe Wynn would be stuck between two worlds like her mother before her. It was up to Loki and Thor to prevent from her being permanently caught. 

“Greetings, King Thor Odinson of Asgard. Estimated Son-in-law...”  
Laufey had quickly came back to his senses. He had properly greeted Thor in all except one significant detail. He hadn't called him “All-Father,” sign that Jötunheim still officially rebuked Thor's authority amongst the Nine Realms. It could be interpreted as a slip of the tongue but also as an insult...  
“Greetings, Mighty King Laufey Nàlson of Jötunheim. Honored Father-in-law.”  
If Thor actually did feel insulted he betrayed no trace of it. He wasn't a fool. They had come uninvited and unannounced, clearly to retrieve a royal spouse which consent was unclear... They possessed the one weapon that could destroy them all. They were not on their own grounds. Loki knew that whatever Thor was looking for in Jötunheim, Loki or something else alongside Loki, he was taking great risks for it. 

But the presence of Wynn proved to Loki that Thor was ready to throw himself and his child at Loki's feet to beg him to come home.   
He was the reason why Thor was putting his daughter, his friends and his realm in danger. Loki was both proud and ashamed to be proud. 

There was a brief exchange of civilities between the two sovereigns. A typical political discourse where the real meaning was hidden. Laufey wasn't merry about this visit and demanded explanations. Thor was willing to give them but on his terms.   
Thor declared that this was a diplomatic trip, following Loki's own visit to his homeland. Thor wanted to present his own Royal Heir, the Granddaughter of Jötunheim to his in-laws as the future All-Mother. 

“Once the glorious kingdom of Frost Giants will know that the Heir is half-Jötunn, our bonds will be strengthened. All of this thanks to my Royal Consort, King Loki, mother of my Heir.”

It came as a surprise. No consort was ever named “king.” By doing so, Thor was asserting their marriage and giving Loki more power than he actually had in Asgard. It was a bet. Some heads turned at the mention of the title towards Loki who received a bitter look from Farbauti and Angrbodr. Thor was acting as if everything was fine between Loki and him. Loki hoped he knew what he was doing for he didn't know if they would let him go back to Asgard that easy...

 

****

They returned to the palace. A ceremony was arranged at the last minute. Laufey presided the public presentation of his granddaughter. Thor and Loki didn't leave each other' side nor their daughter's.   
Loki had the weird feeling he had stepped on the other side. If he was barely seen as a Frost Giant in Jötunheim, he was now fully considered as an Aesir and so not to be trusted. The last link that could have prevented him to go had been broken. Furthermore, touching Thor had made him turn back into Aesir mode with his green eyes and his white skin. Curiously, since he had been held by his husband, he didn't feel the cold anymore.   
He wanted out of here as much Thor did. 

The following evening led to a private family supper. A very silent and uncomfortable one. Farbauti pretended not to acknowledge Thor at his table. Laufey was wordlessly scanning everyone, watching for one toe to step the line. Helblindi was exchanging glances with his brothers and ignoring his husband who was casting hidden looks of disgust towards his former love interest and that boorish spouse of his. Not interested by the familial drama, Býleistr and Wynn were chatting and playing on their own. It made Loki smile and helped pass the time. 

At one point, Thor grabbed Loki's thigh and pressed it gently under the tablecloth. Loki sighed discreetly with contentment and put his hand over Thor's. It was the most wonderful touch ever. 

Everybody needed to retire for the night. Loki demanded that Thor and Wynn remained in his own apartments. They were big enough for him to have his whole family around.

Farbauti made a grimace. Laufey just agreed. He actually looked fed up with all of this. 

Angrbodr showed a glimpse of rage he had to smother in front of everyone. Helblindi saw him doing so and simply scoffed. Loki wondered if Helblindi had forsaken any feelings he had for Angrbodr. Maybe it was not such a bad thing for his brother to free himself from his bounds.

****

A pretty little cot for Wynn had been set up by the servants in the parlor next to Loki's bedroom.   
For the first time in what felt as centuries, Thor and Loki could tuck their sleepy child under the sheets together. Actually, Loki couldn't even remember if he ever did help her go to bed with Thor or not... He hoped he could make it for that too. Wynn drowsily lifted her arms for a last kiss from Ma and Pa. 

“Nigh', nigh' Ma... Pa...” 

Loki could cry with happiness. He wondered why he had refused any connection with such a pretty thing. He couldn't believe she had grown in his own belly, that she was HIS.   
It was as if the cold distance he had with her had melted in a day. His head was swirling with such a turnaround. That same morning he was alone and lost, planning a life of isolation. In only a 24 hours course, he had discarded like nothing who he thought was his reason for living and found another one that was here all along... He was now bone tired. 

But as Loki retired in his own bedroom, he realized that he had forgotten about his husband and that they were alone together in a bedroom for the first time since ages. 

They had had no time to talk and settle things down. He was now scared. Maybe now that Thor was sure of Loki, he would want retribution...

As if on cue, he felt the arms once again, grabbing him from behind and Thor's mouth on the back of his neck. 

“You have no idea how long I missed this...”

Loki stayed still. As if one move could be bad. 

“Sleepless nights, dreams full of you naked...”

Hands were on his belt and shirt, slowly undressing him until Loki's clothes was lying on his feet, fully nude on Thor's armor. It was frightening and thrilling. 

“How did you know I would be there ?” He demanded, hoping that his voice didn't sound too trembling.   
“Heimdall.” Smiled Thor. “He told me I had to go and get you myself because you were ready to come home.”  
Loki smiled in turn. He had always felt that the Guardian had no care for him or his troubles but apparently, he actually did.  
Thor started to caress him all over. It was Valhalla.   
“I have been so bad to you...” He murmured. “Will you ever forgive me ?”  
Thor made him turn around. Thor had a smile that was tender but also mischievous. He grabbed Loki under his buttocks and hauled him to his shoulders.   
“If you'll forgive me for everything then I'll forgive you for everything... But first...”  
Thor walked towards the bed and dropped Loki on it. He bounced a little on the mattress with a small “Huff !” of surprise. Thor crawled on him so that his body would cover Loki's entirely.   
Loki could feel his heart beating like a mad horse. Curiously he was more excited than afraid.  
Thor started to undress himself, a weird glimmer in his eyes.   
“You've been a very, very, bad boy...” growled Thor, throwing his clothes away. “And you deserve some punishment.”  
Loki closed his eyes, relaxed on the cushions and sighed, putting his arms up, surrendering to Thor's touch.   
“Whatever you want, master...” He purred. 

****

It was late at night when Loki woke up on the ransacked bed, next to a gently snoring Thor, with a need to drink.  
He was pleasantly sore everywhere. Thor had been acting like a ravenous beast and Loki had loved every minute of it. He hoped that the walls had been thick enough for Thor and him had made quite a commotion.   
Loki felt dizzy and happy. It seemed that the world had turned from dark to golden in seconds. 

He put on his green silk dressing gown, checked on an heavily sleeping Wynn who apparently hadn't heard what her Ma and Pa had been doing next door. Loki smiled again while putting back on his child the covers she had kicked in her sleep. He took a sip of water in the large bathroom, taking a second to examine the scratches and bites that adorned his chest and shoulders, courtesy of his love-starved husband.

Loki decided that he was not going to get some sleep right away but will savor the light chill and the moonlight on the open halls outside his chambers.   
He was limping a little. It had been a while since Thor had man-handled him for the last time. But again, Loki didn't mind. Soon he would be back in Asgard, in his usual apartments. He thought about moving out to be nearer Wynn's own rooms and to be close to Thor at all times. 

He was admiring the view, the white moon on the glistening frost, and dreamily making plans, when he heard footsteps coming. He was about to tell the intruder to go away when a silhouette with red angry eyes and a distorted mouth appeared on the other side of the hall.   
Loki had a hard time recognizing Angrbodr. 

“Whore...” Snarled the furious figure. “You are nothing but this bloody monster's whore.”

Loki simply scoffed. It was so low it didn't even deserve an answer. Yet Loki wanted it over for good. Nothing was going to prevent his return. 

“And you are a fraud and an hypocrite so we're even.”

He had said it with such calm and detachment he could have yawned out of boredom for good measure.   
Angrbodr had a crazy glow in his eyes. Loki should have been more cautious but he found his ex-love simply pathetic.   
Loki was wondering if Angrbodr had some mental impairment that made him believe he could do and control everything and possess everyone. Now that Loki was escaping his grasp, now that Thor had regained all his influence as well as his hold on Jötunheim, he was losing it.   
“I won't let you go, I won't let you wallowing in this disgusting boar's bed ...” He gnarled. Loki barked a contemptuous laugh. Poor Angrbodr was going insane.   
“Go to your room.” Loki said as if Angrbodr was a very annoying child. “You are drunk and stupid.”  
And Loki proceed to turn away.

Yet, as he was showing his back to the enraged runt, Angrbodr pulled out a knife from under his shirts and yelled “If I can't have you then I'll KILL you !”

Everything went very fast. 

Loki dived to avoid the blade and Angrbodr missed his first hit. Angrbodr pulled again to hit a second time and Loki thought that he was not advantaged by the fact he had no weapon.   
But Angrbodr made a weird, freezing expression and fell to the ground without a noise. Behind him, a naked Thor was holding one of his smaller blades he rarely used but hid under his belt.   
It was red with Angrbodr's blood. 

He had stabbed Angrbodr to death to protect Loki. 

Loki thought the world had collapsed. Some minutes before he was in Valhalla and the next, Hel.   
Laufey would never forgive such an insult, murdering the future Royal Consort under his own roof and by the new All-Father no less...  
Loki saw himself caught between two worlds at war, again, forced to abandon his homeland to protect his child, forced to use the Casket against his own brothers to save his family and his husband. He felt like he was going to scream. 

The worst came with the sight of Býleistr and Helblindi running towards the scene. Loki barely heard Thor's explanations to his brothers. He came back to his numbed senses hearing Býleistr ordering Thor and Loki to help him transport Angrbodr's body to the northern tower.   
“Are you insane ?” Loki asked with a raucous voice.   
“I am absolutely fine.” He answered with a calm voice. “We are going to throw him out of the north tower. His body will be so broken they won't realize he had been stabbed. We'll pass this out as a suicide.”  
Loki could discern that this plan could work and save everyone and everything. Yet, there was a collateral damage and he threw a look at Helblindi, who was silently staring the lifeless form of his husband.   
All depended on Helblindi, whether he would accept to lie or not. Either way, he was now a widower and his unborn child an orphan, because of Loki, the despised brother. 

The seconds of silence from Helblindi felt like centuries to Loki.   
Helblindi heaved a painful sigh. He had kept staring at his dead husband the whole time, his face unreadable. Maybe he was reminiscing happier times when he thought that creature did love him, when he thought they would be glowing together on the Jötnar throne with their many children... Maybe he was saying goodbye to all these dreams that would never come. 

“Let's do it.” He simply said, grabbing the corpse's shoulders. 

****

That was how Thor, Loki and Helblindi, guided by Býleistr, avoided a war.   
They managed to find their way through the palace without being seen and to throw Angrbodr's body without any noise. 

The next morning, the guards saw the bloody mangled figure and identified the future Royal Consort.   
Helblindi played the grieving widower's part beautifully. Loki suspected that he was actually really mourning the loss of his illusions more than the death of his husband. Býleistr and Loki supported their unfortunate brother. They didn't have to fake it. They really felt sorry for Helblindi and his unborn babe.   
Thor was the dutiful son-in-law, offering his help during the investigation. Loki thought he had nerves of steel for not betraying anything. At this point, he wondered how he could not love the man... Of course, he was not going to say it right away...

Laufey lead the investigations but he had to force Farbauti to stay away from the inquiries.  
Farbauti had been the real threat. Curiously, he had taken this death very badly, screaming and accusing Loki, then Býleistr and finally Thor (and sometimes the three of them altogether) of murdering the future Royal Consort to take control over a traumatized Helblindi.   
It was even more dangerous because if he was wrong on the motive, he was almost right in facts...  
Loki thought the world was upside down for Farbauti was accusing everyone of doing what he had done for years. Try to control Helblindi and thus control the realm. Farbauti had gambled on Angrbodr to control the throne through Helblindi and lost. Loki hoped things like that would never happen to his own children.   
Exasperated, Helblindi completely avoided his dam and Laufey ordained his Royal Consort to confinement for “mental fatigue.” Farbauti had to step down but his rage wasn't to calm for a long time. 

Loki knew his dam would be troubles for them all one day or the other. It was bound to happen.

Thor and Loki stayed a while longer, until their names were cleared as well as Býleistr's. It was announced that Angrbodr suffered from some mental disease that lead him to his death. Being a runt with one of the highest position in the realm had brought him many enemies and considerable strain.   
Loki accepted the lie with a huge relief and that was the end for Angrbodr and whatever they had shared. Loki had no real regret. Angrbodr had gone too far. 

****

Thor and Loki waited until Helblindi's child's birth. Everyone expected a proper Frost Giant and the babe happened to be a runt. A very handsome little runt that looked a lot like Loki but still a runt. The child was named after Loki, Lokasenna. 

Loki and Býleistr had to help their brother against their dam and sire. Exactly like Wynn's birth and Loki's fate, Laufey and Farbauti were already planning how to put the child away from the throne. It had been a hard and bitter fight between the parents and their ungrateful children (ungrateful, according to them...). It was a hard time for Loki who only wanted to go back to Asgard and stay there for good, far away from his emotionally draining family but he had no choice. The fight was worth it if it secured both Asgard and Jötunheim. 

Finally, Laufey gave up and proclaimed Lokasenna Royal Heir. In the same time he announced his retirement and Helblindi's coronation.   
He had had enough, enough of his insane, hysterical consort that harassed him with constant whining and angry demands, enough of his too complicated children that seemed to league against him and of this realm that had sucked his strength dry. Him and a sulking and bitter Farbauti went away to their northern spa resorts and let Helblindi sort this mess out.   
Helblindi's first action was to name Býleistr prime minister and renew the peace treaty with Thor and Loki. 

And finally Loki and Thor could go home. For good.   
It was on the way home inside the Bifröst that Loki felt the first movements of his second child. 

Life was good.


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, I felt like there was a scene missing so I'll just add a short epilogue and that's it... Thank you all so much for your support :) !

Loki was sitting on his favorite place in the Royal gardens, near the huge silver fountain with its singing golden birds that made noise while throwing water.   
He was not exactly alone for his Einherjar bodyguards were watching him from afar, letting him have some privacy. 

He was crying or trying not to cry. 

The baby had been constantly moving and had barely let Loki have any sleep. He couldn't have a moment of peace for the birth was imminent. Thor was so nervous from the wait he wouldn't let his husband alone. Loki had to almost throw him out of the room to force him go to the morning council. All of this, plus the fact that he was really feeling fat and heavy and his back hurt from the weight, had weakened Loki's emotional state that was why he was reacting so badly to the news from Jötunheim. 

Farbauti had brutally died in his sleep during his stay in the northern spa resort. 

Býleistr was not sure how it could have happened but it seemed that his sire had been weak in the heart for some time now and the rage of seeing his plans ruined and Angrbodr dead must have put a certain strain on it. Býleistr couldn't say if someone had “helped” this death but the subtext was that Farbauti wasn't mourned by Laufey that much. Býleistr's own spies had told him Laufey had been spotted in the pleasant company of a young local runt. 

Well, what do you know… Loki thought. He wasn't even really surprised. 

Aside from this, everything was going fine. Young Lokasenna looked more and more like his Godfather, Loki. Loki smiled at Býleistr's mention that the Jötnar High Council made a weird face seeing King Helblindi nursing his little child right in front of the honored ministers while still administrating the current affairs…  
The possibility of Helblindi remarrying had been considered many times. After all, him remaining a widower could send a bad message to the other realms… Yet Helblindi refused to even get into the subject. Býleistr knew that Helblindi was hiding the fact he still missed Angrbodr. 

Maybe Helblindi had been the one that sincerely loved Angrbodr the most from the beginning… 

Loki didn't even know why he was so sad. Did his dam really love him after all ? About this, in the end, he had no idea.   
His parents were stuck in an arranged marriage, they let their firstborn get caught in the same trap because he was too different to be a king. They did everything to preserve their position and power but, were they really happy ? Even only for a moment ?   
Loki was almost sure they must have been at some point but not long enough for their relationship to grow. 

Loki felt guilty for he had the weird feeling his birth had been the cause of his parents' rift but again, he was not responsible for being a runt. He was not the one who had started the war. He went as a hostage with the idea to save his homeland and he did, in the end, although unwillingly, by his own marriage. 

The Casket was still in Asgard but now it mattered very little who had it.   
Asgard could not use it against the future All-Mother's dam's country. Jötunheim could not attack a realm where a Jötunn prince reigned alongside the All-Father. 

Yet, only by hearing about this death, did Loki realize how much he had missed his dam, how much he had needed him for so many things in his whole life and how much this very dam who had birthed him never even bothered. Loki knew now that this wound would never heal and that there would be no reconciliations. 

The only thing Loki could do was to protect his children from ever being left alone in the far end of a cold palace, as he once had been. 

****

One of his bodyguards must have warned the King that the Consort seemed out of sorts for Thor came, holding Wynn's hand. They both looked worried. Loki tried to wipe his tears but they knew anyway how he felt.

At least I am loved now. Loki firmly thought. I might not have been, then, but I am right here and now. 

“Ma, boo-boo ?” Asked softly Wynn, climbing her mother's knees for a hug, almost ready to shed sympathetic tears.   
It was enough for Loki to wrap his arms around his daughter (which was difficult because of his huge belly) and cry earnestly this time. He rested his chin on top of his beautiful little girl's golden head.  
“Ma had a very long journey home, sweetheart...” Murmured Thor who sometimes deciphered what was really the matter about Loki.

Wynn looked at her father, unsure of what he meant.   
“Ki'th Ma, Pa !” She declared in her reasonable, older-than-her-years, tone.   
Thor smiled and kissed his husband on the mouth.   
Loki didn't need to talk for he was, at last, complete.   
A realm, a husband, a love, well, several loves with soon two children.   
It was simply perfect. It was what he had really wanted all along. 

“That's sooooooooo cute...” Cooed ironically a very well known voice that had been blessedly silenced until now. “But are you aware that if you and your oaf of a husband don't hurry back home, you are going to give birth right in the middle of the garden ?”   
Loki cringed.   
I wish you would just shut up... He thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading !


End file.
